Wtf is ur job?

Holy fucking shit mirror mode mega rape lol

It is

You're good at writing. Very good. Keep up the good work.

I read this story a while ago and somehow forgot to review it. I guess I must have been fapping.

Ahhh, another one up, yes this one is sweet, just like the others, however, I feel that we're somehow a bit, as I like to put it "excited" (More of me screaming "You're too excited man!" at my friends when they rush into the enemy team with no backup). This one has a rushed feeling to it but could just be me, could be you, I did like your litle "Summoner's Outing" legend, it certainly helped move things straight to the action. And now, pertaining to the action, or as I like to term it, the filling of the pie and the taste. Lemon Pie Connoisseur mode engaged!

Let's begin with a look at your vocabulary. There seems to be a few grammatical errors, but we are all human, the lemon itself makes up for it. But as I would stress, as I have in "An Encounter with the Frost Archer", grammar mistakes are rather violent and unwelcome breaks in an otherwise smooth story you have occuring. The best way to counteract them would be to well, even though I myself dislike to do so, proof read what you type before continuing on. Secondly, let's talk about repetitions. Though it is a literary term and could sometimes be used for certain forms and styles, repeated use of words and terms are best avoided, since it's like eating too many pastries of the same flavour, it's not so good after a while. For instance, the usage of "sultry" (which isn't a bad word, rather descriptive), could be changed up. My tip for this situation is to set aside at least two other words with same or similar meanings to "sultry" (I leave that up to you, though when I thought about it, I instantly thought of four) and alternate their usage, or find specific situations for each of them. So, all in all, what I suggest would be a readover after you're done writing to erase grammar mistakes, and try to ensure that a single descriptive word is never used twice in a single paragraph or at least one sentence after another.

Now let's move on to your usage of details and new content shall we? First of all, I assume this is your first time writing a threesome, and I say to you, "excellent work old chap." Of course, there are mistakes, so let's take a bit to examine them shall we? The first thing that I will point out is that for me as a reader, following along with the nice and hot action was not the easiest of things to do (to be honest and blunt). Don't get me wrong, this one was smooth and flowed quite well like your previous works, however, not nearly as much. The paragraph in question begins with "I couldn't hold back any longer". In that paragraph, figuring out who was kissing who and what position they were in boggled my mind a bit since as I'm pretty sure since LeBlanc was on all fours, how was she capable of turning and kissing our heroic protagonist (Especially with her doppleganger on her back)? My tip for this little bit, even though you might be doing this already: imagine the scene in your head, and see if they aren't contorted in weird shapes (I would hope they aren't, that kills the hotness unless everyone is freakishly flexible).

And then my pet peeve, details. To begin Penis enchancement potion stroke of genius ( I LOVE IT! YOU NEED MOOOOARRR!). Though logistically speaking, dat size, "grew to half the length of my arm" would be..."hard" to take in so to speak. Actually, hell, it would be a bit of a painful stretch! At that size...if I calculate correctly, it probably presses up to the entrance of the womb. But that's alright, for me, pain and pleasure mix well, and get along sexily. So in the future, if you ever go that big do consider that it's not all pure pleasure! Logically there would be some pain as well (yes I am sadistic, don't look at me like that), but I would say that another physical sensation aside from pleasure may spice up your lemon pies quite a bit, so include gasps/moans/screams of pain or maybe surprise!

So, if you'd like my final verdict, I give you another medal for a well made lemon meringue pie! However, take in consideration to taste test your baking next time, since proof reading works! And it gives you time to formulate images in your head. Your progress is impeccable And I won't be lying, but you sir, are quite the up and coming one-shot writer.

PS: I know I have more to say...but I just CAN'T say it for some reason! Reviewer's block? NOOOOOO! .

Ciao~

You did a great job describing the lemony scenes, however, there were a few issues I feel I should point out.

You have a few spelling/grammatical errors. Not a serious or frightening amount, but reading "The kisses her she was..." is a little distracting. You might want to edit this a little bit.

Secondly, there's a lot of redundancy in the intro. "I had been assigned to investigate one such disturbance in the infamous city-state of Noxus. The disturbance.." This feels repetitive. Using another word, like "cancer" or "anomaly" might help.

"Head Summoner" seems a little silly. Maybe something along the lines of "Headmaster" or "Arch-Summoner"? This one is mostly a matter of taste.

The whole "Summoner's Outing" tale was a little silly, and felt rushed. Explaining it in better detail would have been nicer, or avoiding describing the tale through phrases such as "...a hot night or sex..". it seemed out of character for the tale, but again, this is a matter of taste.

Using word other than "sultry" to describe Leblanc's initial lines would be nice.

"Out of nowhere came this: Poof." Like what I said about the Outing, a little bit out of character for your writing style.

Lastly, once the threesome started, there was some confusion as to which Leblanc was doing what. I understood that Leblanc got tired out and her clone rode the summoner, but after that, it got confusing. Having them both talk at the same time would've been a nice touch. "...Lay down on the side of the bed." A little bit of a curt way to describe post-coital drowsiness, but it's your story. Do with it what you will.

Also, doesn't Leblanc already have psychic/ magic powers?

Even with all these criticisms in mind, you're still improving drastically. Attention to detail in the smut is still great, as is your...inventive...use of her abilities. Just remember: you don't need to update every week. Take a little longer, and give yourself the chance to proofread these. Or find a beta. I promise you'll be happy with the result.

Sorry if I offended. Still a good lemon.