I don't know anything about EVE Online but I found this really interesting would have been nice to see it continue.

2 small observations in chapter 3 the crew step down to condition green but stay on alert. A nice middle would have been Yellow Alert.

2nd one It's not Hyperspace in Star Trek - Subspace

:P warpspeed, not hyperspace. huge differance there sorry, warp is a pocket of normal space with expanding spactime behinde it and contracting space time infront of it, moving it along at ftl speeds, while hyperspace of the gate verse invoulves actualy moving the ship into a diffrent dimension were speed and distance is realative to ours, for instance you could go five miles an hour for five minutes in hyperspace, but in normal space you would travel six thousand miles. see see? keep up the good work.

really, really sorry to correct you man but... you need to look into your lore a bit more, and check the starship componets for ammarian ships, the powercores being "anti-mater powercores"

and, if you wana get technical, compared to other space faring universes, such as startrek and stargate as examples, eves powergeneration is off the charts, literly, a ZPM in stargate is qouted in the show to produce 2.21 gigawats of energy at maxium output. which while seeming patheticly low, gives the writer libertys, to either ignore it and claim the zed pm to have a much greater power output then the show itself stats, or to there advantage as an eve online FRIGATE. FRIGATE. has a capacitor of hundreds of gigajuels and a power core output of 5 or so gigawats, or gigajues per second. which also happens to be far, far FAR more powerfull then ANYTHING in the gate dimension, and most in the trek dimmension, save the off key mention of ships powering there weapons in the gigawat range, i still belive new eden has a MASSIVE advantage on power generation, my normal method when incorporating it into my own storys, for m eyes only normaly is to leave them with horribly ineffecant technology to use this power, therefor wasting most of it. for if they truley utilized there power with the efficancy of startrek or stargate, a simple destroy could easily atomize the enterprize or oddasey. just offering my two bits.

man all i can say is dont give up on this! eve online is one of the few fandoms that has such a HUUUUGE unexploited potentail! make a groundbreaker man this could be beautiful! it allready is

Decent start but needs to be longer. Try for between 3k and 5k words per chapter. That should keep your readers happy.

as Rah said lil short but still good. Can never have enough eve online crossovers

Too short. Also, you should think of reducing the "he said she said" pattern.