nice. this is my favorite bleach yuri

This story was amazing well done homie

Nice story

Mwuhahahahahahaha

Hoho...

At first I thought Kora was the best friend/ cause of Yoru's jealousy, but I guess not.

I enjoyed reading the story :3
As horrible as it sounds, I love seeing a jelly Yoruichi. I mean, it's a nice change of pace because I usually see Soifon the one chasing after Yoruichi.
Akara is probably one of my favorite characters in this story. She didn't hold a grudge against Soifon or Yoruichi (Well, kind of on Yoruichi's part.) because Soifon rejected her for Yoruichi. And she's awesome! XD

Nicely done. I love yoruichi and soifon fanfiction

Well then. First I have to say this is a very good story even if what I will write later will make it look like I think otherwise. Good idea and very long that one canenjoy it for good time.

Now for my critics:
OOC. There is lot of it here. Youruichi prancing around like a teenager affraid of doing anything. Letting her cat like attuide come out and tease Soifon in rubbing against her would do it more good.
Soifon shows a great deal of emotion for her rather reserved personality particulary when not in private. And she worships Youruichi, throwing the -sama around as much as possible, making it hard for the other to know if what she does is following orders or of her own free will.

Writing style. There are lot of things that could a beta reader correct. Be it missing punctation, incorrect use of "to" "too", missing or repeated words. Even if its pretty clear you wrote the whole 80 000 words story alone, there are things that you are bound to miss.
In fights there is clear overuse of word "but" I know there are many turnarounds, especialy in fights of assassin type as most of them are, but there should be other ways to describe them.
Reading of mind. I dont have anything against it personaly but its too literal and quick all the time. If you use other words than those tought or make one just stare for a moment to make the oter ask "What?" and then let it out is more natural.

Then there are the little things (and even Im not sure if I remember them correctly) So I begin from the end.
Soifon had her cheek cut open and then Yoruichi is glad in hospital that her face is unharmed.
Akara asks if Yoru brought her the flowers, wich could be handled more elegantly if she noticed them and said they were her favorite only to have Akari remark that they are from the cat and that she came to ask her about it. And you forgot about her leg, wich was not fully healed and got nice beating on top so mentioning how it gave her some trouble to heal properly later would be nice.
Akaras father is made out to be a cliche badguy. If you think about the whole Bleach series there are very little of those. Most of them have a good reason for what they do. So instead of him wanting to kill Akara it would be lot better if he just did not mind if one of his subordinates did it.
Maikos detect skill left me with mixed feelings. She should be more powerfull and all but this could be handled by her sharp nose, good ears and experience.
Urahara was one of the best informed people I knew so when he asked what as if he knew nothing was a dissapointment. He should at least know the Kurokiba daughter return as she is one of the things Yoruichi disliked.

Seeing as pointing up this is pretty much all I can do I have to admire the magnitude of your work. I hope this will help you to write even better fics that will draw more readers.

This is very interesting, your story has a very good plot, it's exciting and playful and not boring to read. I actually like how you write Yoruichi's character, so very like her.

There's just one comment from me, it seems all your dialogues lacked the punctuation mark. I mean all the sentences or phrases written inside the quotation mark should have at least a punctuation mark, may they be a fnished thought or not right?

Aside from that one comment, for me it's very good and I'm now onto the second chappy!

This story was totally awesome I was hooked so badly on this story you did a great job! I love these two so again bravo!

Thank you for such an awesome story!

This last chapter was very cute. A nice and light hearted ending. My favorite type. I had wondered who Soifon would choose in the end. Thanks for writing.

Review for Chapter 18: Just as you said, One down, one to go. This is a really nice and light hearted chapter. I love Unohana so I was happy to see her in this one. Looking forward to seeing Soifon awake soon.

love i LOVE IT LLLLOOOOOOOOVVVVEEEE IT EXCELLENT STORY i love the whole thing i definitly love the ending