Hello Rosa!
Hooray for not being fandom blind and I totally love all the X-men movie series, especially the latest Days of the Future Past.
Anyway, I had seen X-men First class movie. But, quite awhile ago. So, I can comment on characters and plot. I will leave the grammar Nazi experts in their hands. For me, it was very readable, imaginative and definitely love the significant friendship you had portrayed between Magneto and Charles!

You seem to have the two of them very in character. I really wish this was a longer one shot. Because I really like X-men and very rare to see one sitting around on SOTW and glad to have found it on RCA.

I like how you had opened just the one scene, how you use that scene to structure the significance of their "friendship." Using just the fire as its subject for the plot really ties in well. I like how Magneto was still good and that he's not the evil who hates just humans. I like the fact how he doesn't care about that metal helmet to be left behind, because it really portray his care towards his best friend. Like, a saying of I care more of a person than I care more about my powers.

One quote I truly love that sings out the "Erik Lensher" than being "Magneto" is this quote you put and it really shows how you keep in character of them:

"But, Charles wasn't made of metal; he wasn't something Erik could reliquish to the fire" - Beautiful!

I look forward to see your stories more and hope to see more X-men stories if yours gets selected! Tiniest criticism - I wish this one shot was longer! Really, because I was hoping to see other mutants too. :)

FAN!

Very nice, very visual oneshot. I think it suits the image that inspired it, and I really do like the way you write Erik. I like the way you wrote the relationship between him and Charles as well. Good job.

Insert fandom-blindness disclaimer here!

Having the fire as such a focus of the piece worked very well here. I loved the way that it was able to give all kinds of imagery, particularly when it was reflecting Charles' injuries. The little things like the drop of bloody really help the entire picture to come together in my head. The relationship between Charles and Erik is really nicely done, and it's something that I can really appreciate. The "made of metal" theme at the end was gorgeous, and really spoke so many volumes about these two. Absolutely beautiful.

Cheers, dearie!

The run-ons and awkward phrasing (especially in the first paragraph) made this difficult to read and even more difficult to understand. (This was particularly annoying in the first sentence of the fifth paragraph.) The dialogue, while minimal, was well-suited to the characters. While I don't think your theme was distributed properly throughout the narrative, the last sentence brought it home well. The mention of Erik's politics made your characterization of him clear without beating it to death.

LOVED THIS SO MUCH!

I love the beginning of this. Dang. That was really visual and gave me chills. I love how you focus on the simple thing of oxygen. With all the power Erik has, something as simple as lack of oxygen keeps him human enough that he cannot avoid death. I think that is amazing and really powerful. I wasn't expecting to see Charles in the wreckage. I should have, but I was too busy being focused on the lovely description and his thoughts about being a mutant. I love the agony you bring when he's crying out to Charles. I'm totally not for this pairing, but in a friendship stance, I can totally see him doing the same thing. He really does care for him despite everything. I love how it's in that moment that he forgets his own pain. There is nothing else but his desire to reach Charles. It's really beautiful. The visual of the wheel chair was really nicely placed. Hidden and yet still there. I am wondering how this happened. I like how Charles takes off the helmet so he can talk to Erik. That's really sweet. I love the memory of how Charles had saved him. It's bittersweet because Charles can't do that anymore. The fact that Erik gives up his helmet for something that can be taken from him is really sweet. You did an amazing job on this and I love it so much.

I like the set-up you have here with the fire and how things that are made of metal won't be destroyed by it. I also liked Magneto's realization that /Though his mutation made him a veritable god compared to "less evolved" humans, even he needed oxygen in his lungs to keep his body alive,/ , since it shows him as conceited but not completely delusional.

Your descriptions were really good too, and I especially liked the line: /smoke formed a haphazard labyrinth like a poorly designed maze for a scientist's unlucky mouse/

Magneto is characterized well here; he might disagree with Charles to the point of fighting on the opposite side, but he respects and cares for him and is his friend.

. Fandom-blind! . .For the Reviews Lounge, Too .

I like how you've given the fire such a huge effect on the character, and the description of it is beautiful. (The metal helmet designed to block out telepaths did little to block out the heat.) To me, this seems to have extra meaning- that maybe he was always the type to block people out, but maybe there's someone in his presence who he feels can easily read his thoughts? I like how seeing Charles in pain has made him forget all of his own problems. I like how this seems to carry on as well, like when he's choking from the fire, but still carries on to get his friend to safety. :) What a great story! I really like the symbolism of the metal and the flames in this one. I also like the role reversal.

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Here is my critique/ suggestions for you. :)

. (Charles' heart still beat.) This part doesn't seem to make sense to me, I'm afraid. Did you mean:
[ Charles' heart still beating] ? :)
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Keep up the good work!

I checked out the artwork that inspired this and I thought your fic definitely did it justice. You captured the moment and sentiments expressed by the picture so very vividly in words. Descriptions were stellar and could be clearly pictured. Some standouts in that regard were "wreathed in massive clouds of angry billowing smoke" and "A drop of bright red blood glistened in the firelight as it slowly slid in stark contrast against his pale skin from a small abrasion on his cheek."

My only suggestion there is that sometimes going on too long with a description can muddy up the imagery. Like here for example: /Piles of rubble and still half-stnading walls...unlucky mouse/ -I felt that up to 'labyrinth' already gave us a good picture of the scene and that the poorly designed maze and mouse bit wasn't really needed and ended up bogging down an already lengthy description. Also as a more nit-picky thing about that same sentence: solid things like rubble and walls don't technically "flicker" - I think you meant more that the light flickered over the objects. One other minor suggestion I had was for this part: /he turned his eyes to meet Charles' eyes/ - I'd suggest replacing the first 'eyes' with gaze to avoid the repetitiveness of using 'eyes' twice.

The other key aspect you did well in this piece was in conveying the depth of the emotions and relationship between Charles and Erik. The gestures between them which you detailed that were particularly effective in that regard were here:

/Charles was leaning towards him and pressed his forehead against Erik's, both feverishly warm from the heat. Erik, he heard Charles whisper in his mind, and there was so much joy and gratitude in that one word./

and here:

/What was far more important was the man whose fingers were threaded though the hair at the back of Erik's neck as he clung to him with all the strength his physical body currently had, and held his mind with a gentle and familiar touch that was so very much less than the strength his powerfully mutated mind possessed./

-Both conveyed the emotional and physical closeness between them in the moment very poignantly.

Characterization of Magneto was also great in this with all the bits that spoke to his arrogance and egoism, but his regard and respect for Charles is nonetheless evident. The ending line you had summed up it all up perfectly. Nicely done.

I really loved this short and sweet piece. It epitomized to me what real friendship is supposed to be about-walking through the fire for each other and doing whatever is necessary to help the other get through a bad situation. I have always loved your writing style, you have a clear and crisp way of detailing scenery, in creating beautifully vibrant characters and in telling a story without useless words cluttering up the tale.

Some lines that I really wanted to highlight:

((Piles of rubble and still half-standing walls all flickering in the light of a hundred fires and wreathed in massive clouds of angry billowing smoke formed a haphazard labyrinth like a poorly designed maze for a scientist's unlucky mouse))-this was just a beautiful piece of imagery. I can see the shape of the building (like a labyrinthine maze), the destruction of it, see and smell the fires engulfing the area. Absolutely brilliant.

((What was far more important was the man whose fingers were threaded though the hair at the back of Erik's neck as he clung to him with all the strength his physical body currently had, and held his mind with a gentle and familiar touch that was so very much less than the strength his powerfully mutated mind possessed. Like him, Charles was a god in a world of insects—no matter what Charles chose to believe.))-I loved this sequence because it kept Magneto as being himself (in seeing himself as a God) but also showed his compassion and the depth of his feelings for Charles (this relationship was always a profound one to me in that they should be on opposite sides, should be enemies, but seemed like they were more like bickering brothers than enemies). I also love the character voice that you give Magneto here-having him consider humans as well as other mutants to be like insects that they could easily crush beneath their feet. Just loving the duality of the character here. It is very defining to me and makes him seem like more than a monster. Good job.

((But Charles wasn't made of metal; he wasn't something Erik could relinquish to the fire.))-this was where you hit the representation of friendship to me. And painted an image of Magneto that contrasts the one that we commonly see (brash, arrogant, fueled by a desire for power or control even). Just made the story for me right here.

I said everything at the start-this was a beautiful piece that epitomizes what friendship is all about. This is a wonderful story that it wonderfully well-written and I totally enjoyed reading it :)

Indeed, many things can be lost in a fire, but not many can be replaced, certainly not a friend. The relationship of Charles and Erik, as I've seen through film, is very complicated and tumultuous, but perhaps deep down there will always be a place for each other in their system. You capture that here, juxtapositioned between ego and selflessness, that Erik does care for Charles. With the soft, knowing tone and style you have perfected, you show that some things can't be destroyed by any kind of fire. Lovely work.

"The roar of the fire filled his ears as the heat of it pressed into him from all sides and the smoke burned his throat and stung his eyes."
Excellent first sentence.

But Charles wasn't made of metal; he wasn't something Erik could relinquish to the fire.
Great final sentence.

The entire thing is well written. It flows just beautifully. Both Erik and Charles are in character. Very well thought out and very well executed.

Nitpicking:
You use "cling" once and "clung" twice. Because this is so short, it really jumps out at the reader. These three words are all used in the last three paragraphs. If this work were mine, I'd see if I could eliminate at least one "clung" and replace it with another word.

Ugh, just stop. I have too many feelings. I looked at the art and I thought you nailed that image perfectly with your writing. There's just so much raw feeling and emotion in this piece that I can't even find the words to express how much I loved it.

I love that you have Erik basically being the usual badass he is just calmly standing in the fire and looking for a way out. I like that you used the word "surveyed" instead of "frantically looked about" - because even though he needs to find a way out of the fire, he doesn't seem to worried about it. But then, of course, once he notices Charles lying among the wreckage he immediately loses his composure and runs over to him. I also may have sobbed in joy when Erik let Charles take the helmet off him and pressed his forehead to his so he could communicate telepathically with him. I think the scene that always stayed with me the most in the movie is when Erik puts the helmet on and Charles can no longer hear his thoughts or communicate with him telepathically, and of course the reason why Erik does that is specifically so Charles can't get into his head, so it's really telling in this moment that he lets Charles do it.

And not only that, but he lets him drop it, as well. Because it's something he can come back for, whereas Charles is someone he has to take care of now. The last line "But Charles wasn't made of metal; he wasn't something Erik could relinquish to the fire." drives that point home even more. Absolutely beautiful.

THIS.
/takes a moment to flail at the beauty of this.

I LOVE THIS.
you've captured erik perfectly here, with all his arrogance at the beginning that melts and gives way to concern for charles, who i like to think is the one person in the marvel cinematic universe who can constantly elicit a completely honest emotional response from him.

his words to the unconscious charles are perfect - just the right amount of caring for erik lehnsherr to display :3

the fact that charles removes erik's helmet to talk to him and help him get the two of them out there is perfect, not least because of the fact that it's practically canon that he'll do nearly anything to get erik to get rid of that helmet.

i /loved/ the little references to First Class, if only for the fact that it made my shipper heart squeal in joy.
of course, when erik didn't protest the removal of his helmet, those squeals doubled :3

i really liked the fact that that erik tries to justify - however weak said justification may be - the fact that he leaves his helmet to the fire in his mind. after all, there was always the possibility that the metal would melt, which is something that's he's ignoring in favour of taking care of charles.

if you don't mind, i'm going to go ahead and read a relationship into this now.

fabulous work! :3