I'm not crying, you're crying.

After reading this chapter, I couldn’t help but go back to the beginning and reread. There are so many cryptic clues that hinted at what was to come (or more accurately, what had already happened), and going back to see them after having watched the foreshadowed events unfold was immensely satisfying. The end of the beginning indeed.

Overall this story is absolutely incredible, one of my favorite Pokémon fics ever (and I have read many millions of words of Pokemon fiction). I think this is because, in addition to your enrapturing style of writing, you had a great idea that you brought to life. So much of the fiction in this community is just repeating what Ash or Red or insert other protagonist did in the games/anime with slight twists. You have created and breathed life into your entire own world in the Pokémon universe, and shared it for readers such as myself to enjoy :). What you have here is, in the truest since of the phrase, one of a kind. I look forward to seeing where you next take us on this journey, never stop writing, you have a gift!

Damn, Fire. Really living up to your username, eh?

I went back and re-read all the past sections, excellent the work keeping it all consistent for the most part. There are a few times in the earliest past section where you bring things up that don't make much sense in a medieval setting (like the pokemon daycare and the general store, I felt like they were talked about in ways that only a person of modern times might).

Odd that the son of Suicune's chosen winds up with Entei. I would have expected Suicune, not the god of the volcano. Was that just to give Indigo this crushing loss here? Is he destined to ride suicune like his mother?

Also, unrelated but the question needed to be asked. Is Layla dead? Was that her ghost bringing Indigo's corpse to Kaya in chapter One? I think it's her ghost, since the wind didn't affect her dress how it should have.

The king is now dead by Layla's hand, with the queen likely barely alive (I don't even think you'd be so cruel as to have Indigo kill both of Riza's parents). So there's that prophecy fulfilled.

I'm slightly confused by why Tero (just gonna use his real name from now on) needs Indigo as his sacrifice specifically. Something about his lineage gives him the power to summon entei, though I don't know what. I feel like we're really still missing a piece of the puzzle here. I can tell that Indigo is Layla's child, but not why that's so important, or why it makes him a 'secret weapon'. I feel like this will be revealed soon enough though. Something about Devin's blood maybe giving him power?

Damn, the fight between Riza/Indigo and Tero really lived up to the hype. You could tell that Tero had planned on Indigo summoning Entei the whole time, and it was damn entertaining to watch Indigo slowly realize that he'didn't ruined everything.

Primal Entei? A retread of the Primal Dialga/Kyogre/Groudon? I am down. I am so down. Pokemon gods are the best gods.

I'm sincerely hoping that Indigo gets back to his time soon. As fun as the present day story is, the past is what I'm itching to see concluded.

Wow! so, I don't know if you've seen my other review since it won't appear on the story. I'll write this as if I assume that you have.

Excellent as always. Thrilling from start to finish. I loved the deep dive into the lore of Hallanden, and what a damn ending. The entire story set in the past has been a pleasure, and if I'm being honest makes me much more inspired for Salvation than ever. Pokemon really does lend itself to a simpler time very well.

A few observations/theories/general musings.

The reveal of Mr. King of Fire as Layla's son doesn't make sense to me. You put wayyyyy tooo many hints and clues as to the real identity of Layla's child for it to be him. I'll call chekov's gun on Riza's mention that the timelines don't line up. That, combined with the mention of Indigo's "mother" being unable to bear children of her own? Layla's secret weapon wasn't an Akkarin child, it was a Nightwalker. Indigo has to be Layla's child, secreted away to live with his aunt and Kaya for his own safety. There's too many clues for it not to be him. Otherwise, why mention the romance between Devin and Layla at all?

Riza seems pretty doomed here. I know that Indigo seems to think that he can save her after going back after he breaks his curse, but I'm hard pressed to see how she gets out of this situation alive. Her father has pretty much sealed the fate of the whole royal family, even if she does survive this particular situation, so either way I doubt she'll end up as queen.

Zayne/Tero is a prick. That is all. I hate him so goddamn much and can't wait for the whooping my boy Indigo is gonna lay on him when he gets back to his own time. Boy's got a lot of pent up frustration brewing with the good doctor.

Is there any possibility that Tero is lying about being an Akkarin? The diary seems to cast into doubt that he is (mostly cuz I don't think he could be an Akkarin if he's Layla's child), and where Does Kylara play into this? Call me out if I'm wrong, but I don't think she's ever made an appearance?

All in all, write more plz. I want to know if my theories are wrong!

Well... That's what you've been so busy with! Just like you to drop a double chapter out of the blue.

I won't lie, you made me go back a few chapters, just to get my bearings on where the story was at. It's definitely been a while lol. I will say that the story seems to be dragging a bit after the conclusion of the big Ghost arc. Not sure what you could do to help that, just something I noticed. Might even be intentional as a relaxation of pace before the stretch run of the story.

I like the perspective switching you did here. I tried something like it in one of my own fics, albeit with a different setup. It can make things confusing, but I feel like you overcame that. I didn't get lost when switching from Layla narration to Indigo's.

As to the plot of the chapter, I'm reminded more and more how much I dislike Doctor Camellia. You've done a remarkable job making a villain that lives up to a 52 chapter story lol.

I also liked how you shed light on the tragedy that destroyed the Akkarins through the eyes of the supposed rebels. Paints King Calariam in a terrible light, as it seems he may have been working with the good doctor to bring down the royals.

I'm excited for the next chapter! Hope you reveal the rest of the backstory and we finally see what exactly Indigo did to lose so horribly.

Hopefully this posts and doesn't double post since mine doesn't seem to be working.

Well... That's what you've been so busy with! Just like you to drop a double chapter out of the blue.

I won't lie, you made me go back a few chapters, just to get my bearings on where the story was at. It's definitely been a while lol. I will say that the story seems to be dragging a bit after the conclusion of the big Ghost arc. Not sure what you could do to help that, just something I noticed. Might even be intentional as a relaxation of pace before the stretch run of the story.

I like the perspective switching you did here. I tried something like it in one of my own fics, albeit with a different setup. It can make things confusing, but I feel like you overcame that. I didn't get lost when switching from Layla narration to Indigo's.

As to the plot of the chapter, I'm reminded more and more how much I dislike Doctor Camellia. You've done a remarkable job making a villain that lives up to a 52 chapter story lol.

I also liked how you shed light on the tragedy that destroyed the Akkarins through the eyes of the supposed rebels. Paints King Calariam in a terrible light, as it seems he may have been working with the good doctor to bring down the royals.

I'm excited for the next chapter! Hope you reveal the rest of the backstory and we finally see what exactly Indigo did to lose so horribly.

This story has been one blast of a read. Most definitivily one of the best stories I’ve ever read. I found myself engaged and interested in the story. Can’t wait till the next chapter!

Just caught up! Really great story, one of the only Pokemon fanfics that I’ve read all the way through. Been a few months since you updated though so I hope you’re doing okay.

A fair warning, I’m gonna be picky here. Super picky. Expect nitpicks. Lots of them.

The direct skip to the crowd cheering is a little jarring. I was expecting a training montage of some sort, based on Violet and Indigo’s last conversation. It felt like they were in a contest at first, honestly. I would put more immediate agency on Violet and/or Indigo and their purpose for being there—maybe their input on the warm-up event(s), like if they thought the goldeen was funny and whether or not it dispelled Violet’s pre-match jitters.

[The crowd roared with wild applause in the circular stadium, their cheers nearly drowning out the cheerful narrator, even through the advanced sound system. Cerulean City was famous for its Gym, but its aquatic performance shows were nearly legendary, attracting tourists and competitors from across the entire world. It was easy to see why.]

I’d edit one of the uses of ‘cheer’ in the first sentence; cheers drowning out a cheerful narrator come off as excessive use of the same word (something I do a lot in my first drafts). The biggest thing I’d edit out, though, is the use of ‘nearly’ in describing Cerulean City’s aquatic performance shows as being ‘nearly legendary,’ especially after setting it apart from merely ‘famous,’ which could be a synonym for nearly-legendary. In general, though, I think adverbs which soften a word detract from the value of the statement being made—people won’t remember that Cerulean is nearly legendary for something so much as something legendary, proper.

It’s the author’s job to back up the statement. I feel as though writers as a clade have a tendency to soften a phrase for fear of it becoming a plot hole-esque kind of detail, but the story is improved by really owning those passages and backing it up to the point where it’s not plot hole-ish. Describe a truly legendary aquatic performance. Fireworks, quality jokes, excellent descriptions, that sort of thing. What we got was pretty standard fare, I’d say. You have a gift for descriptions, though, which is why I think it could be so much better.

[The circular stadium was at the center of Cerulean Gym, beneath the glass dome stained with the ever-changing hues of the ocean.] Is ‘stained’ the right word choice here? I associate stains with a permanent discoloration. Would ‘glowed’ or ‘shone’ work better here? Light does pretty things with water, through which is really the only way we can tell what it looks like anyway.

[Seating lined every side of the stadium, stretching high up towards the glass ceiling, and every seat was filled.] In recent times, I’ve decided that adverbs are Public Enemy No. 1, and to be exterminated on sight, and with extreme prejudice. This isn’t really an adverb—here, it’s being used as a noun, but the sentence is still affected in a similar way. Typically, forcing myself to not use ‘ing’ words makes the passage better, as I’m forced to find more dynamic ways of describing the sentence. It happens most often when I replace a comma with a period to give another sentence more breathing room. To me, ‘seating’ doesn’t “pop” as well as ‘cushioned leather seats’ or just ‘seats,’ used maybe like: [Cushioned leather seats surrounded the aquarium. The platforms which held them rose like marble waves before they crashed into the foundation of an enormous crystal dome. A tide of people even did “the Wave” as hands and heads bobbed like flotsam in a glassy sea.]

[Cameras flew through the air, topped with sets of spinning blades,] I feel as though this can be explained better. Could just be me. I get the general idea, though, but the use of ‘blade’ here evokes a more deadly imagery than the friendly gym battle that’s about to occur.

[The crowd's cheers were ecstatic] The crowd was ecstatic would work better here and cut down on ‘cheer’ OD. Same with [The crowd went wild with cheering,]. ‘The crowd went wild’ gets the gist across just as well and cuts down on redundant word choice.

[The metal platform she stood on lowered down the side of the tank to the ground, and the lighting changed. The floodlights illuminating the tank plunged off,] I feel as though stating that the lighting changed is in breach of “show, don’t tell,” especially as you explain what’s going on in the next sentence. I feel as though ‘plunged’ is the wrong word to describe lights, though. I get the basis in water imagery, but maybe ‘The stadium lights flooded the tank’ would work better here.

["We've officially entered the midpoint in our competition! Our judges will be tallying up the scores for the second round, so hang tight! In the meantime, we've prepared some half-time entertainment,] Midpoint and half-time used so close together is redundant.

[A performer in a silly suit bowed theatrically to the crowd,] What does “silly” look like? What does “theatrically” look like?

[especially once the Dewgong stole her trainers red clown nose and began pretending to be a person.] Mm, this line comes off as a bit problematic to me, specifically, “pretending to be a person.” As was shown by the golduck talking to Indigo in perfectly coherent, full sentences to Indigo just last chapter, pokemon are sapient creatures worthy of being respected as people. Pokemon fanfiction is hard to write sometimes because of how we’re conditioned to overlook this.

Your character descriptions are really enjoyable. Violet’s description was in-depth and gave me a vivid picture to project through the following scenes which starred her. I like your integration of clothing with her current state of mind. The only thing I’d do to improve it would be to describe her clothing in a way that acts as a metaphor, rather than outright stating that her hands were shaking. Maybe, [Her perfect alabaster gloves were a mask. The skin beneath them trembled; her face was pale. If she smiled, the whole façade might crack.]

I like the tie-in with Daniel. He’s clearly an important character. The cynic in me thinks he might still be alive… and now evil… Time will tell. Ooh, if Indigo can travel forward in time, what’s to stop another person from doing the same in reverse? *He* sounds capable enough to handle Entei…

[skimming on top of the water with unreal speed. ] I feel as though this could be expanded on. Did a spray of mist leave them in the figurative dust? Are there waves from the surface of the water it skates on? Surskuit movement must be a treat to see in battle, like an ice skater, but on liquid water.

This could just be personal preference, but I feel as though this would work more smoothly if it were cut into two parts, as the “speaker” is different for each part, even though the actual dialogue isn’t used until later: [Think. There had to be a better way to hit their tricky opponent. Indigo's eyes flashed with an idea, in the same moment Violet's did. "Indigo, the islands-!"]

I like the use of Dragon Pulse on the islands. Wouldn’t shooting it like that be more akin to playing air hockey with a puck than a frisbee, though?

I feel like this would be better cut into two parts as well, where you focus on Violet’s pleasant surprise more: [The audience went wild with applause and cheers, and Violet smiled, shocking herself by having fun.]

[He shouted with rough pain, completely shocked by how much that hurt, and the announcer spoke up again over the audience with a gasp. "-Super Fang! This move takes away half the opponents HP,] Aaaaaaaaaa this has nothing to do with the story, but you’ve answered a question that’s been lingering for like *years* back when I used a ROM hack in Emerald. A raticate took out like five hundred health from my typhlosion in the Battle Pike. I always thought it was *hyper* fang.

[by the unnerving Huntail,] What makes it unnerving? The fact that it’s a shadow? Here, I think ‘unnerving shadow’ works better, as we know via announcer that it’s a huntail.

[before-hand] Does this need to be hyphenated?

I really liked your description of Swagger! I could tell what it was *immediately,* even before the announcer did her thing. I think descriptions are one of your strongest suits when it comes to the technical side of writing.

[The crowd oohed, and the pretty blonde announcer girl spoke again, as all the flat screens switched to Mr. Fin. "Now folks, we've seen some incredible water type Pokémon in this event, including a rare shiny Greninja, a Primarina from the Alola region, and a dazzling array of the most beautiful and rare water Pokémon this world has to offer! After all that, a Magikarp may seem like a letdown…"

"But look at how unbelievably gorgeous that Magikarp is! I've never seen anything like it! Wow!" the announcer squealed happily,]

You probably know this by now, but when dialogue from the same person spans multiple paragraphs, you don’t need to wrap the first sentence up in quotation marks. Leave it bare, as though it weren’t dialogue, and just continue the next paragraph with quotation marks and wrap it up accordingly when it ends. Also, I think ‘the announcer squealed happily’ is unnecessary, as the context indicates her joy at its appearance.

[splashing down into the water with easy grace.] ‘Easy grace’ is kind of redundant to me, at least how I interpret physical gracefulness, like making something difficult look natural or easy.

I liked the inclusion of Mr. Fin with the battle. Especially since I’ll be writing a fic starring magikarp, haha! Using splash as a tactical advantage, which still does no damage, was really clever. I’m definitely gonna steal that tactic. :P

This is what I mean by use of adverb through a comma, when cutting it up into two sentences explain just as well: [He slammed his fists together in front of his cream colored torso, Aura crackling in a surge between his spiked fists as he prepared to fight.] (He slammed his fists… Aura crackled…)

One thing I like with fanfiction is that moves with canonically little power to them can be used to great effect with regard to the environment. The Whirlpool attack, in particular, was a neat trick like that.

[his Defense, Attack, and Special Attack had all been significantly lowered]- Would, ‘His stats had been significantly lowered] work better here? Listing multiple stats gets kind of clunky.

[Among them was an old photograph of a five year old Misty with rebellious orange hair and a red life jacket; the proud winner of the Junior Aquatic Chariot Race.] You already used rebellious here before, but this can work, I feel, without it feeling overused, if you say ‘her trademark rebellious orange hair.’ I’d hyphenate ‘five-year-old,’ as well.

Concerning the post-match: Indigo is so delightfully sarcastic. It’s a nice balance to Violet’s exuberant naivete. His mention about how he didn’t get any prizes for fighting does hold weight, though—why would he not receive a badge, too?

This was a great passage. It really showcases their personalities and how they balance each other out:

[Violet thought about it, and placed her decorative hair ribbon on Indigo's head. She knighted him with her pointer finger, grinning at his dry look, which didn't quite hide his amusement. "I dub thee Sir Indigo, with the title: Best talking Lucario from the past…probably!"

"I'm flattered," he said dryly, though he didn't seem completely displeased by his award, or the somewhat girly ribbon. "There must have been hundreds of applicants for that award."]

End of passage.

“unrelenting suspicion” is such a powerful phrase. I like it. Fitting for a dragonite protecting its trainer.

[If Lance was surprised to hear Indigo speak, he didn't show it. He responded with all the respect he would show another human being, as if it were completely normal to speak with a Lucario.] This line definitely shows that there is at least some degree of prejudice against pokemon intelligence. I’m glad the Champion doesn’t exude it, though, at least.

[The mysterious thing was covered in a deep blue shroud, similar in color to the Champions uniform.] Missed an apostrophe in “Champions.”

[Indigo was skeptical. "This seems like over the top bribery to make us forget we almost died in your secret death cave," he observed.] Never change, Indigo. XD

I really like the ending. Violet kept her promise to the primeape, and we got to end what could have been on a very somber note instead with humor and relief for Violet’s promise being fulfilled. Your story is quite fun to read. I enjoy the interactions between the characters; they’re memorable and mostly, if not fully believable, even with the crazier ones like Ditto (who is one of my favorites here so far, btw).

Anyway, I hope this helps!

Indigo’s stupidity this chapter is kind of irritating, but I get that it’s part of the process of him learning what true stretch is. Though it’s annoying that he seemed to forget about the “kindness” part almost immediately after being cursed. Still, it seems like he’s nit that bad of a person, just someone who did some bad things in the past with good intentions. Though of course we don’t know much about him yet.

I kinda wish Violet stated more mysterious for a while longer. Showing how vulnerable she was right away kind of undercut some of the tension/satisfaction.

Looks like we’ve got more new characters on the scene. Karo in particular is interesting - his true nature caughtvne off guard. The battle scenes were also good. Though it looks like this girl is about to catch him.

Not surprising that Indigo went for physical strength first - it’s the most obvious answer. Which means it’s the wrong one. The fact that he’s not really thinking about his human name says a lot.

The transformation scene was pretty brutal, with snapping bones and everything. I do wonder how Indigo managed to get warped to a different time for his curse though. That seems unusually powerful for a non-legendary like Ninetails, even an old one. I wonder if Nivalis is really a Ninetails at all...

The scene with Riza and the ghosts was also pretty good, though it feels like the explanation for why she understood them came in a little late.

Interesting setup so far, and a good hook for a first chapter. We get a good sense of each character, even though there’s only a little bit of time dedicated to each one, and enough puzzle pieces of plot to be interesting without saying too much right off the bat.

I look forward to reading more soon (though these reviews may be spaced out depending on how busy I end up being.)

I said as much in PM, but then I realized this is much better suited as an actual review lol. My bad, so here we go: Random, but your descriptions of characters are really satisfying in just how comprehensive they are. I really enjoyed the description of Hoenn girl, Lily, from chapter twelve, and I could figure you were talking about Misty well before we got to her "rebellious" orange hair. I was planning on reviewing in a more in-depth manner, but I want to read the next chapter too much, haha! Which is a really good thing, though. I'm enjoying the setup for who I imagine will be the next member of Team Violet.

Chapter is funny in the end
.