This story is F&*** Great, i am soooooooooooo glad i found it, i plan on reading the rest a little later, and i don't know if i will review very often but know that i love your story and i will be reading it. Great title by the way.

I have to say, well done with the last chapter. The change is very recognizable and fits in well with the story. Do not worry about the battle scene, you did fine, very well in fact. I like how you make Cloe very inexperienced and clumsy at first because she has never fought before. The part with the inconvenient wind that blew away the bubbles made me laugh, and the fight with the Pochyena was dramatic. I like how she managed to dodge the first bite but not the second. You did a good job describing her yelp of pain but after that for a while the injury is ignored. Even in an adrenaline rush, your abilities are still hampered by the injury, and it healed a bit too fast, why don't you make her wear a cast overnight.

All in all, GREAT JOB.

(by the way, can you PLEASE turn on anonymous reviews so I don't have to do the review for each chapter out of order.)

Hi, its me, last warrior 7, i know it has been a long time, i have been very busy. Also i have to make the comments for both chapters here because you do not allow anonomus reviewers and you can only leave a signed in review once.

Lets begin.

"There were three Pokemon in the group; there was a Vulpix, a , and the Charmander." You left out the third pokemon as you can see.

The changes to your first chapter are noticable, however that first hook that draws the reader in is still absent. You go right into description of Katherine and her city. While this description is very well done and needed, it is out of place. You need something in that first paragraph to draw the reader in before the description starts. like for example,

"I didn't know how much my life was going to change that day"

While i will admit, the strangly dressed man going into the line of shrubbery is more dramatic, i wonder why Katherine knew to go there.

VERY IMPORTANT: you changed the first chapter for the better, but you forgot to change the next chapter. Your last chapter ended with them going into the shubbery line to investigate the strange man. Then chapter two begins with Cloe suddenly meeting Charmander. You forgot to change this chapter from its original version to fit with the last. please work on this as soon as you can.

I like the second chapter, even if it has not been modified yet, it was very well written. The reader can understand exactly what she is feeling and why she is acting the way she does. good job.

The revisions to the first chapter improved it a lot, great job but you still need that hook.

I REALLY like the new title, The Timeshifters, that is a amazing title that draws the reader in to read this story.

until next review

Last Warrior 7

oh, plot twist, i can say even i did not see that coming.

i find the name of this chapter to be remarkably similar to the title of the story "the light in the darkness"

by the way, you should read it, i am not ashamed to say that author is even better than me.

i have read the first chapter of your story and several things don.t make sense.

one why is the narrator off by herself at the time when she finds the charmander being beaten up.

two. the battle scene was unremarkable. it consisted of a single hit to the narrator and then the two pokemon hit back and it was over. i would suggest putting more enphasis on that scene. people read fanfiction because it is fun. the majority of that fun exists in points of conflict like battle scenes.

three this story takes place from the point of view of a pokemon so you need to describe things diffrently. also tell the reader a bit of what it is like to be pokemon. examples wind ruffling her fur what it is like to walk around on four legs.

four the story will be a better if you hint of the main plot from the beginning enticing the reader on. the main plot or story line of any story drives the reader to continue reading.

i might read on sometime later. please read my story «the chronicles of legendary eevee»

nice! good to see some variation to the normal rescue team stories

keep up the good work ;) a bit confusing at times but otherwise great.

iv also started a pmd fan fic and need some tips you seem like the perfect person to ask so could you read it and review please? anyone elses help would be great too!

Okay, up until this chapter, I think the main problem I was seeing with this story was a lack of clear motivation or drive: What is the main character looking to do or accomplish?

I think when you start a story, you should try and make it clear what exactly is the problem to be solved (or at least hint at it).

To be honest, this story didn't initially get much of my interest because that drive was missing.

Now that you've noted pokemon are going missing though, we're getting somewhere.

I'll try to keep an eye on your story and review every now and then. It is a nice story so far though.

so far this story is awesome, i really want to know whats next, keep it up. I would suggest that you try to add detail to how something happened if asked, i am a small time writer, and i never could get detail in my storys...but keep it up though to the end.

This FanFic seems Promising. Reminds me of those 3 Pokemon Chronicles Episodes that involved Pokemon Mystery Dungeon and i wish they would bring it back as an actual anime

cool story~! i love pmd