AwWe

Now I know that this story is quite old and you probably don't expect anyone to still drop a review, but I just want to say my piece about it.

First of all, I definitely like how, the entire story, shows how different Alistair could've turned out if he'd been given the proper attention by someone akin to a parental figure and wasn't simply cast aside by Eamon (only to be picked up as a means to rule by proxy in the game)! This shines through the most at the ending of your story.

Another thing I commend you for is the way you write dialogue. It all appears to be in character (with one exception mentioned later on, though not pertaining to dialogue), but I, especially, loved Jon the groom. His speech patterns helped to make me feel and breathe and hear the medieval fantasy setting of Dragon Age. Which is a thing many writers don't really manage, they simply write dialogue like people talk nowadays, and that just breaks the immersion.

'"Girls are icky," Alistair agreed, making it even harder for Teagan to contain his laughter.' - Absolutely loved this line!

So now on to the nit-picking, which can be viewed as high praise on my part, because I had to look very close and in-detail to even find things to be nitpickey about.

I felt like you might've misrepresented Isolde a bit. I know, nobody who played the game can really stand her, and for a good reason, too. And I'm not trying to defend her actions in any way. But to say that she didn't have "more than one intelligent thought in the last year" just seems a little bit harsh to me. And I'll have to, at least, disagree on some level with you that Isolde cannot be discreet. First, she's Orlesian, so the Game is (however small) a part of her upbringing, and, furthermore, she was discreet enough to hide from her own husband that their son is a mage. So she can be descreet, when she wants to, I guess. But since you let this shine through solely through the conversation between Eamon and Teagan, this might be what you thought the characters think of her in that regard, and that's quite alright, people always have misconceptions about each other (even husbands and wives). All I'm saying is that, maybe, it isn't so. Because in the end, Isolde is still a wive who dearly loves her husband and son and just wants what's best for them, in her own twisted and Maker-fearing way.

Also, just for your information (don't know if you know this by now, since this story is, after all, from 2011), but the lands of a bann are referred to as bannorn with a lowercase b and not otherwise.

~fjun

Yes !
That was wonderful

This here is a great piece. It always breaks my heart to think about the way poor Alistair must have been treated - by Isolde, of all people. And Eamon.

Very interesting :)

This is really sweet. Teagan is so nice! Nothing like his ******* of a brother Eamon. Teagan rules! after Alistair naturally :D

Well-written and very touching! :)

Aw...what a heart-warming what if! My thought when getting to Redcliffe was - Why oh why didn't Teagan take the boy once Isolde started her nastiness? But then, the game wouldn't inspired such wonderful ideas as this fic contained.

Nice, very nice. :D

Excellent!

This has an excellent portrayal of Teagan! And I particularly love the use of language, how the stronger accents of the "lesser educated" are made visible, and how Alistair still gets to meet the Warden.

... And the Isolde bashing. Can't get enough of that. The only reason I've never used her for the blood ritual myself is because of the reaction this elicits from Alistair. Sadly, the sense of revenge just isn't worth it. Looking forward to seeing more in this community! You and JayRain are brilliant. :)

Excellent work, deagh! I could hear their game-voices in my head when they were talking, especially Eamon, so I think you captured their dialog styles pretty much flawlessly. And I loved how you brought it back around to merging with the in-game story.

I love, love, love what you've done with this story. You made this AU work so beautifully. The characters are dynamic, the dialogue realistic, the plot interesting. You capture Teagan really well, and give a lot of dimension to him, and young Alistair is adorable. It nearly broke my heart when he said he was more comfortable with the horses than the servants. I think you did a good job conveying Eamon and Isolde, as well. Timing her pregnancy with Alistair's banishment works nicely and makes sense. And the way you worked it back to the game was realistic and made sense. I love how you show the relationship between Alistair and Teagan by the end, and that this story is ultimately happy, and has a happy ending. GREAT work.

*snickering*

"Well, I have horses at Rainesfere, although not as many. You might even get one of your own," he said, although privately he had his doubts. He'd seen his brother-in-law Maric try and ride. It wasn't pretty.

The mental image that conjured was fabulous! LOL Along with "Girls are icky!" - Why, Alistair, thankt he Maker you change your opinion on that topic.

I'm very glad you wrote the companion piece, after all - and love Teagan all the more now. ) I'd imagine he is the type of man, who would do that and screw the conventions, although Eamon might have protested more - but then you would have had to make a whole story out of this.

I also like that he eventually ends up with the Wardens again. "Is it chance or destiny, I can never decide", eh? )