Completely offensive and insensitive. This whole story was a true disappointment. Fiction is all about taking creative liberties, but this failed so much. Even fiction has some truth, which you should definitely remember for future projects.

I don't want to disregard your time and effort in writing this, so I will say good on you for posting your writing to such a public arena. You have potential. Take a creative writing course, really think before writing the first thing that enters your head, and get someone else to beta your work.

It's a DINING room chair, not a DINNING room chair.

So she was able to get into the shower - bandages and stitches and all? Hmmm.

"she whished for the sweet oblivion" WHISHED? Seriously?

"shinning with tears" Sigh. It's SHINING.

"Edward had already taken the roll of Bella's protector" Sigh. It's ROLE.

So...I'm confused. The story takes place on both coasts? Jasper is flying back and forth?

"Bella released a shuttering breath..." It's SHUDDERING. To "shutter" is to close off. A "shudder" is a trembling spasm.

I'm really liking this story. However, it makes no sense that he'd drive her to the opposite side of the country. That would take days not just the night. There would be no way he could be back in time to open the bakery. Also, Emmett and Jasper would not be part of the precinct that is being investigated if they are in Maine. I'm going to keep reading because it is a good story but these inconsistencies need to be corrected (if you end up editing the story in the future).

Hobestly I beleive Jasper cares about one thing and one thing only and if Bella gets hurt then oh well. It'll suck but atleast he will have Alice. I am not finding him to be redeemable nor feel back for him. if anything I want to shoot him myself. I find him annoying and have a visceral hate going on lol and I generally Love me some Jasper.

I cant with jasper I get why he feels the way he feels but how f'n dare he and somehow after all of this what they will be the best o friends she will forgive his words. Like get the hell out of here. I'd do this to help and then so help me god he better stay away from me but that isnt Bella

I really hope Edward beats the crap out of Jasper. Jasper is scum in my book. He only thought about getting his girl out not what would happen to Bella.

Sa-weet! Another baby? Must be working double time!
Good story. Can't wait for the next one'
Thank you.

I’ve got to stop reading here. There are a lot of things I’ve noticed in this story so far that are just unrealistic. Edward bathing a sexual assault victim, jasper sending her back to the place she escaped, how quickly they fell in “love” when they are literally getting abused. To me, it’s just a little too quick paced, a bit two-dimensional and I’m not feeling it.

You have a nice writing style, and you have a LOT of potential. This story also has the potential to be great if you’re willing to go over it again. I would recommend reading “Wisp” because that’s what this story’s vibes are giving me but it hasn’t perfected that slow burn concept just yet.

Again, great potential. Just a lot of hope that need to be fixed, if you would want to do that. Best of luck to you.

Actually I know someone with schizophrenia and this actually helps me understand Benjamin’s character a bit more. Helps me hate him more too but that’s a whole other issue. I hate that disorder/disease/whatever the hell you want to call it. It’s an excuse to hurt people and get away with it and I have a nephew who will be fucked up for life because nobody would believe me when I said his mom was batshit crazy.

Anyway, sorry to rant! I’m enjoying the story, really! ;)