Oh, dang...that sounds rough...poor Akashi...I'll read more later. :)

So...Awesome!

That story was AWESOME! :-D every part of it i loved and every scentence i heard was extreme, i'm on to the sequel now. THANKS MAN!

This is an awesome story man, I'm looking forward to Akashi's second adaventur, alright peace.

The ending was awesome! Way to go, Akashi! And good luck! I can't wait for the next adventure Akashi goes. This story was awesome and I hope to see more of Akashi's adventures,

-AniUniverse '05

Akashi's gonna do whatever he can to save his friends. Go for it, Akashi! Please post more!

-AniUniverse '05

That was awesome, hope Akashi can beat dutsu and bring Ryosuki back, this is an awesome story man (thumbs up) alright peace. :1

Boy, what an awesome adventure. I'm thinking Akashi being gentleman is a little harder for him. Bring on the next chapter!

-AniUniverse '05

This was insanly funny and awesome chapter man, peace out man.

This was definitely worth waiting for. I'm glad your computer's up and running now. It was really good for Akashi to keep training and never giving up as he wanted to do what he can for his mom. Hope I see more of this!

-AniUniverse '05

That was an awesome chapter man i like it, looking forward to the next one peace.

-Omega-

I have read this story 20 times and it never gets old you rock

I hope Tigress will be okay. What will Akashi do now? Post more, please!

-AniUniverse '05

That sounds really crazy about this chapter. I'm hoping Akashi avoids getting in palces where girls are. So, what's gonna happen to him now?

-AniUniverse '05

Alright. From the top.

The biggest flaw, I find, is the lack of punctuation. You also opened with a run-on sentence. A good solution to the run-on would be to separate it into three sentences: the opening, describing the fact that it is morning, and most everyone is up and going about their daily lives. The second being centered on Akashi, and what he's doing. Finally, the third clause, focused on what Tigress is doing. While we're on the subject of grammar, spelling, punctuation, and capitalisation, allow me to draw your attention to the capitalisation. When someone says something, always begin the way you would with a normal sentence: with a capital letter. E.G:

"I'm not sure if I believe that," Bob said.

As opposed to:

"that's not true," Bob said.

See?

As well, I noticed you didn't capitalise names. I'd recommend you pay attention to that.

Secondly, I found the dialogue to be rather flat. There wasn't any emotion to it, and it was rather dry. There wasn't much to keep me interested.

Third on my list, a lack of description. This is a common trap for beginning writers, calld THS, or Talking Head Syndrome. Very few people just stand motionless when talking. Describe what they're doing, be it stretching, pacing, something. As well, it makes it harder for a reader to envision just what's going on. It gets bland rather quickly when it bounces between "he said she said they said".

Which brings me to the fourth grievance on my list. Spicing up your vocabulary is always a good way to keep the reader engaged. For example, don't use "said" each time someone says something: use a synonym, like muttered, wailed, groaned, whispered, things like that. A thesaurus is a good friend for a writer.

Well, I daresay that's all I can bring to your attention. I hope this helps.

Insanely Yours,

Heir-to-the-throne