good story!

I couldn't help but laugh as awful as it is, Hetty specifically tells him to bring the car back in one piece and look what happens. She shouldn't have jinksed it! Great first chapter, I look forward to reading more!

This was cute. I enjoyed it. Please write more. Especially Sam and Callen.

Junk! Of all times to discover a new story that I want to read to the end! *pout* And I won't have time to sit and read it all until way later. *tears brimming eyes* It's just not fair!

Anyway. I'm hooked after the first chapter. Great job! I will read the rest when I can. For reals.

Okay. One error you might want to look into fixing is this baby: "The ones which Hetty dreaded and told him looked as if he were an orphan." (Fragment... Consider making it "The ones which Hetty dreaded and caused her to tell him that they made him look like an orphan.") Yeah. It hit me in the face and disoriented me a bit.

There were a few other tiny things, but not anything as stunning as that Hetty one. I think your writing is pretty good. Has tremendous potential! So keep it up! Be brave and keep learning. _

I will be back...