Will there be a update

adorable perfection.

This Bella and Rose are just... disgusting really. Walking STD's.

As someone who has read this fanfic twice, begrudgingly, I admit, there are a few things I want to say.

First off, your pacing is terrible. It's all over the place and there's no real time line. You just jump from day to day, week to week with no direction and it makes figuring out how long the actual story has been going on for. Sure, you toss out some weeks here and there, how many months, but anything else... it's kind of a mess. Not to mention the progression of Edward and Bella's relationship is incredibly off, and if you're saying 'I love you' within the first month of dating, you really need to reevaluate your life.

Second, Bella is simply atrocious. She is not rebellious, she is not a badass, she is a stupid slut who doesn't know any better and it's a miracle and a half Edward stayed with her. The fact that she was constantly pining over other guys is ridiculous. There's nothing wrong with noticing someone else is attractive, there's only a problem when you're actively thinking about having sex with them while in a relationship. There's being understanding and then there's being what Edward is; A sheltered little boy in a hormonal teenagers body who has no idea what the fuck he's doing. Plus, to add here, his 'possessiveness' is borderline psychotic and not in any way 'hot' or 'sexy'. It's down right disturbing. Plus, how quickly be became violent towards his Mother, and then played it off like it was nothing is some serious red flags. Even if he did nothing, it was still way out of line. Sure, teenagers get mad, sure they want to hit something or some one, but the fact you wrote it in that he wanted to hit Esme, who was a bible thumbing bitch for no other reason than because you felt like it, is honestly appalling. Also, Carlisle, not being a doctor and some religious nut that screamed and spewed bullshit half the time? Get the fuck outta here.

Thirdly, and it's something I was having the most issues with, was the constant 'fourth wall break' attempts at connecting with the readers. It was entirely uncalled for and honestly cringe worthy. I full body cringed and groaned more times than I care to count because you wanted to portray these characters as edgy and rebels without a cause, but really, they read off as pathetic, whiny children that where unhappy with their pretty good lives, and giving them horrible parents just because, with no real background on WHY is honestly a huge writing faux pa. I'll also toss in here the constant use of 'whatever' or 'ya know' tossed around so carefree in the story. It just... was not good. It broke whatever little flow you happened to actually start doing and made me cringe all over again.

I'm also going to note, you can't seem to get the male perspective of things down very well. In fact, a lot of Edward's point of views were incredibly similar to Bella that I thought I was still reading from hers. I understand that Edward is a very sheltered boy, but, he's not feminine or would be THAT emotional to things. I know some stone cold, stuck up asshole guys who where in similar situations growing up and they're nothing like that. Sure, everyone comes in different kinds of flavors, but this version of Esme and Carlisle you painted did not seem like affection or coddling parents, so this development in his character was... rather counter productive.

I did note that you seemed very religious with your writing, so I'll assume you are pretty involved with your Christian background. Which there's nothing wrong with it, but you seemed to like tossing it around, in the story at some moments were it frankly wasn't needed. It also came across very apparent that you aren't happy with your life style and this was a form of rebelling from it. Which hats off to you, but again, it just wasn't... good. At all.

I'm sure you've long since moved on from this ffic and have written other things, but I keep coming back to this one and shake my head. I'm nowhere near the worlds best writer, but there are do's and don't's in writing. Regardless, I'm sure you had a lot of fun writing it, and well, good for you.

The story as a whole had moments I enjoyed, my favorite being Bella's "Bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity", and that still makes me laugh out loud. Overall, though, this is not the best Edward x Bella I have read. Still, I read it until the end, and I give you my tip of the hat.

i was laughing through the whole story. You have an awesome imagination!

I try not to get overly excited about turning"OLD" but i cant help it.

This was awful. Just awful.

so choice?! lol really edward

Omg this chapter killeeeeedddd me this story was amazeballs lol sooo goooddd

I would love it if you talk more about how the orgasm feels.

Lol this is literally my nightmare

Amazing story ,,, i must say you write one of the best lemons EVER. Loved everything about the story and i can't wait to read all your stories :)

thats little fun fact:lol so funny

Just Wonderful. I'm gonna miss these guys.

Awesome