It's me Edmund. First off, I see you've now differentiated the official story line of Oblivion from your protagonist's (Terminus) story line because you didn't have Selene locked in a room or kill her (as how the official story line goes). This seperation is not neccessarily a bad thing, matter of fact, I think your story would have developed to be much of a bore if you choose to pedantically follow the official storyline of Oblivion. I don't know if it's a de facto practice here on to not follow the official storyline of video-games/shows but I think you doing that makes your story more novel.

Secondly, now that I know that you willing to deviate from the Oblivion official storyline, I have some precautionary words. Don't deviate so far to the point where you are writing about some bullcrap where Terminius is in Black Marsh or Elsweyr doing some pirating or whatever. It'll force the reader to look up background on stuff about the Elder Scrolls world that they are not privy to (know what I mean?). And when you force the reader to look up stuff, the average short attention span kicks in and they abandon interest in the story.

Also, I think you weave excellent direction in the plot of this chapter. It lets the reader be able to foreshadow Terminius' future which will keep them engaged to read more. Overall, I think you put out a valiant effort and you write very well.

Seems like a decent start. I would have to see more of the story to give a more in-depth review. Still, I like what I see so far and would like to see more.

This story is amazing. Even though I don't read fan fiction much I do play Oblivion and in your narrative you combine the official gameplay of Oblivion so well with your individual storyline. It's very exciting so far, I encourage you to continue.

I'm gonna register on this site so I can follow your story.