Yippee-yi-ay, yippee-yi-o.
Ghost Riders In The Sky.

Hello!

Good job on this story!

This is like your personal version of THE LIST: PUNISHER comic book, before that awful FrankenCastle mess.

Good job on the action and violence. Also, the personnality of the characters was well done!

Congratulations on translating your story. It was hardwork and I admire you for doing it!

Good job!

Hey! I’m so glad you actually uploaded this as an English story. I’m totally impressed because the story is amazing even when translated. And usually something gets lost in translation, but I totally don’t find that here. You’ve done a really great job. I just cannot say how amazing it is that you’ve published this in two languages all on your lonesome.

So yeah, to the story. I really like the narrative. First person is a really hard position to write from, because you’ve got to be there, in the mind of your character. And I really think you’ve done a great job directing the story from Frank’s narrative. It’s terse, sharp, to the point, moving from one objective to another with a minimum of excess detail. I can see the world from his perspective like this. And it was really, really engaging, because I was with Frank the whole way. I felt really tense for him, especially towards the end.

And while I love Frank, I’m really glad that you showed him how he is: human. He wasn’t shrugging off injuries left, right and centre or surviving falls that should have killed him, or jumping twenty feet in the air. Like, he got hurt and wounded, but he pushed on through the pain with nothing but grit and determination. I like the fact that he was just getting more and more hurt as time went by. Nothing seemed easy for him.

Daken isn’t a character I’m really familiar with, but I understand the concept of him. The dialogue between him and Frank was really awesome. And the fight was gritty and brutal. I loved it. I especially liked the way Frank bit one of his eyes out. I mean, obviously he could heal that given time, but still... I also liked the fact that Frank and Daken were on an even keel. Like, the only thing that set them apart was the healing factor and the adamantium. But if Frank can kill him quick enough then the healing factor doesn’t come into play.

And, strangely enough, Frank kills him before Daken’s abilities can give him the upper hand. But damn, he takes some killing. Stabbed repeatedly, thrown off a building, shot to pieces, and then decapitated and smashed to bits. I really loved the phrase “after some minutes of frantic butchery”. It starts off kind of casual and then just those two words “frantic butchery”. I really like those. That was brutal. (Also, as far as I know, you could survive a fall off a building using someone as a human shield. I know a story about a woman who survived a sky diving accident because her instructor shielded her and she walked away with a broken arm. He died, of course, but she was alive.)

I really got a sense of an almost overwhelming danger. No matter where Frank went, there were HAMMER thugs everywhere, in every street, on every building. It was like there was no safety for him. I really love stuff like that. And part of me was really tense waiting for something to attack him when he entered the tunnels. Nice work on building the tension.

To be honest, I was kind of disappointed by the revelation that all of Osborn’s men were bad guys. I suppose being merciful doesn’t really come in Punisher’s job description, and when we watch him we want to see him murdering villains. But, I liked the moral dilemma posed by the knowledge that Punisher was being pursued by good guys. Because I’m sure they’d be able to find cops to try to get Punisher, considering he’s a killer. And who better to send after him than people who he wouldn’t kill. BUT, I liked the fact that Punisher didn’t kill any of them until he was certain they were bad guys. That was awesome.

If there was a weak point to this chapter, I’d say it was the brothel scene. I wasn’t too keen myself. I think it was probably the fact that the hookers were made into innocent victims and the pimps were automatically the villains. I’m not saying that’s not the way most of them behave, but some hookers are criminals too.

I suspect that $10,000 would be gone in a few weeks, wasted on more drugs. Providing the girls didn’t kill one another over the money as soon as Frank was gone. The fact is that just giving someone money won’t automatically put them on the right road.

But, that’s a philosophical debate that isn’t really necessary here, because despite that, I love this scene for another reason: you show how the Punisher deals with victims here. He doesn’t care, as such. He wants to help them because that’s the whole reason he does what he does, but he doesn’t know what to do with them. He throws them some money and he walks off.

But criminals he knows what to do with: put a bullet in them and leave them for the crows. And the fact that it always comes back to hate, hatred of the criminal element. That’s why Punisher is the best chance they have to defeat Osborn. Because he’s the only hero they have who’d be willing to just gut Osborn, instead of sending him to prison, where he can just weasel his way out.

The part where he takes out the snipers with the Beretta was awesome. I loved reading that part. It was almost poetic.

Oh, you have a snippet of Spanish text in the middle of your story. Right near the bottom, just when the second radio conversation between Frank and Henry starts.

Ghost Rider showing up was a real surprise, but not particularly a bad one. I don’t know a lot about Ghost Rider, but it was still awesome to see him. Looking forward to seeing more, too. I’ll put this story on watch so I can keep an eye on it.

OH! And you know this story is all centre-aligned, right? Left aligning might make it easier to read.

Not bad, I'm really glad that you changed it to Frank killing Draken instead of vise versa. The Punisher is awesome

J.C.