Actually, it was quite good. You did an amazing job with Haruhi's character, and a good job with Kyon as well, though the narration wasn't quite as witty or sarcastic as his usually is. As far as the style goes, I can recognize bits of Kyon's narration style all over, so you did a pretty good job. As for the interaction, I think you made the right decision with how you portrayed everything, and I quite agree with your reasons! All in all, great job! Perhaps I will see more from you in the future. I hope so.

bland? HA! This was really good as your first story!

Cntinue!

You're story was brilliant, although it did not convey Kyon's sarcastic wit as well as I hoped it would, it did show us Haruhi' character quite clearly. It is a very good piece of fanfiction compared to the other MoHS fanfiction out there.

On a side note, I do feel that the ending was cut short.

I hope you continue this fic instead of keeping it as a oneshot.

What a lovely fic! I'm so glad I stumbled upon this.

First of all, your excellent characterisation left me pleasantly surprised, especially Haruhi's. All too often people write her either as a hypercactive monkey on crack or depressed and cranky. This is one of the precious few times where I feel she resembles her canon self the most, since you didn't go into either extreme. It was nice too see a little bit of her melancholy. The rest of the characters felt organic as well, I liked Koizumi's short scene (poor guy) and of course Kyon's narration. Actually the whole thing could have easily passed for an epilogue for the movie... well, minus all the making out. :P

Which bring me to the HaruKyon part that I absolutely loved. So sweet! :D And seriously, what true fan would want them to have a sappy syrupy "talk" about their feelings? It goes against the characters' nature! Those two have always been about the unspoken gestures, and that's what makes them such an interesting couple. The way you wrote it was undeniably perfect.

All in all, I really enjoyed this. I hope you write more Haruhi fics in the future! :)

For your first time writing in years and your first time writing something of the Haruhi Suzumiya series I must say it was an amazing piece of work. Not only do you have amazing grammar but you got the characters personalities down to the tiniest detail, from Kyon's sarcastic remarks all the way to Yuki's quiet mannerism. To me It felt as though this was actually a part of the anime/light novel instead of a fanfic because of how good the characterization was. Also I am thankful you didn't make Kyon and Haruhi discuss their feelings because, in all honesty, it is just like you said, I can't imagine Haruhi and Kyon discussing their feelings with one another, it just doesn't feel right. Another thing I would like to mention is that you did make one mistake though and it's one that happens to lots of people, you accidentally left two words together:

"Yes, there are times where I cannot help but be envious of your bondwith her. She is, after all, a very charming person."

Just separate it with a space and that's it, of course if you want to that is. Other than that there were no errors in this amazing piece of work and no it was not bland at all, it was superb, I hope that you will continue writing :)

Oh yay, a 1st Haruhi fic writer~ (And you don't suck at all!)

I thought it was really nice how you didn't really talk about 'what' they were, because I agree, them talking about their feelings, being what characters they are, is a wee bit awkward.

Anyway, you have wonderful grammar, and the way you wrote the story was really nice in my opinion.

Hope that was detailed enough for you! :D

Liked it a lot!

I quite enjoyed this. Short and to the point, and very sappy and romantic - just as I like it.

Brilliant, absolutely brilliant. I thought that the characterisation was dead on. There's a tendency in HaruhiXKyon writers to have them suddenly go 'Oh I love you!' (or something along those lines) as soon as they get together and that keeps on bugging me...Kyon (to me) is a deadpan snarker and Haruhi is still slightly misanthropic; it's like you said it would be very ooc to show them be very emotional all of a sudden and I think you've handled the start of their relationship very well.

As to your self criticism of being blandl I personally don't see that in this but I do get what your saying. The source material is written in a very specific quirky style that's hard to replicate and whilst you haven't perfectly replicated it the story as is stands on it's own in your own style-It wouldn't pass of as a cannon Haruhi Suzumiya story but for fan fiction it's a very solid piece of work.

My only true piece of criticism is from the fact that you've classed Koizumi as being romantically interested in Haruhi. Maybe it's just me and my somewhat limited knowledge of the novels as opposed to the anime (I currently live in Cape Town, South Africa) but I never got that feeling from him; if anything I thought he was gay.

All in all a very well crafted piece of literature.