What did the volus do to him? I didn't think they had a reputation as cheats or thieves... just greedy.

Wow, just wow :-) I think she found this worth adapting to :)

Great story! I really enjoyed this one.

I loved this, would definitely like to see more :)

A good story. I think you could get at least one more good chapter out of it.

Continuations are always nice, of course, but this works very well as an one-shot. First a romance scene, and then this almost "twist" ending, creating an emotional whiplash. It's well done.

The romance scene was really cute, too, and Tali's thoughts made sense. And then at the end Shepard gets all professional. And potential health risks of the encounter are shown. Heh. It's indeed, as others have said, a darker but definitely original note.

Judging from the summary and the tone of this first chapter's ending, this is not going to be a rainbows and butterflies ride.

And I'm perfectly fine with that. Sure, I like my happy Shep/Tali stories but there's always room for a look at the darker and not-so-happy aspects of their relationships, risk of illness being only one of that.

In truth, I can see why a lot of people are a bit uncomfortable with this pairing: Shepard has a lot of power on his end of the relationship, even more so if Tali gets exiled, as she runs the risk of very possibly becoming emotionally dependent on him. A misstep, especially with someone as emotionally fragile as Tali, could be quite devastating for her: case in point, I had a chill run down me when his persona abruptly shifted to his command self at the end. I understand why it happened, but it was unsettling, to say the least, to see that he suddenly started (or seemed, to me) to treat Tali so coldly, if only because it was so at odds with how he'd been not even a minute before. While everyone has different sides that they need to put up for different audiences, the fact that he did this in the privacy of their cabin leads me to consider the possibility that this is not an act he'll bend even for her. I'm not sure how to feel about that, but the fact that you've got me thinking hard about this is definitely an accomplishment.

On a related note, as far as the sexual themes of this: hot. I'll admit that I'm probably one of the few people out there who doesn't give a damn whether Tali is "alien" or "human-like" enough, so whatever you want to do is fine with me. I'm just happy to see that she's very satisfied with Shepard as her sexual partner here... that is, if nothing changes.

(And on a much more minor note, I remember Mordin prescribing not pills, but rather "oils or ointments to reduce discomfort")

Looking forward to more.

An excellent story far removed from the usual tripe about this place. The emotional portrayal of Tali and Shepard was, to say the least, intense. You obviously have a strong hand for depicting emotion in your writing and it shines like the sun. The erotica portion of the story is definitely some of the better I've seen on this site and was well played on all fronts. I always enjoy when an author sticks with one character's POV and makes it strong and rich in detail.

As for my critique, I have two bits.

I've seen often in the fanfics of others a willingness to assume that because Quarians are humanoid aliens they have the same anatomical and biological differences as humans do. Now, I was pleased to see you did not make any mention of a clitoris, vaginal lips, etc which would point to the audience that this alien has decidedly human genitalia. The fact that you also gave Quarians a second bellybutton is exactly in line with what I'm trying to convey here. Were it me, however, I would have gone for heavier emphasis on the the alien anatomy of Quarians. For instance, a general alien feeling/description of Tali's Quarian genitalia.

My only other criticism lies in the ending of your again, brilliant, story. I agree on the point that Shepard adopts a completely different hardened persona when donning the visage of 'The Commander'. The way you described his transformation was excellent but this sentence, "Even that was different, more like a duty than the luxury it had been just moments before." as well as the sentence proceeding it struck a sour cord within me. I have two minds on this, however, and even while typing this out I'm debating with myself so follow my train of thought.

Part of me wants to tell you that any other author would have shone a brief glimpse of the softened side of Shepard when he turned back to give Tali that last farewell kiss. Any other author would have overlooked the "slight swelling of his lips, a redness that might become a rash" and left the story on a happy note.

The other part of me (who is coming out on top of this mental debate currently), applauds your realism and darker tone as the set for the ending. It brings me joy to see this scene stripped of any romanticized ideals of perfection and given a realistic caste that truly is "disconcerting in the extreme". I will however, draw compromise with myself and tell you to do the same. I enjoy the darker realism but would rather it be lined with romanticized perfection. Keep the swollen lips, Tali's encroaching sickness, and her disconcerting view of Shepard but line it with a slight easing of Shepard's features as he looks upon her before walking out the door. This is purely how I would go about this, however, and I do not expect nor forcibly suggest you make these changes.

In conclusion. I enjoyed your story thoroughly and would love to see more from you. Preferably, however,(and this is my last criticism I swear!) I would avoid doing Shepard's POV of the story and focus on several more chapters with what-have-you. I simply don't like rehashes and multiple POVs almost always dampen a story for me in the end. Would love to see more from you soon. -Nomad

Yes, continue. Seriously, do it. DO IT ALREADY.

Impressive, though I would like to point out dividers between scenes and points of view if you are going to make that in the future.

Good job, I really liked it, thumbs up for you and can't wait for your next chapter.

-Sergius

Awesome! Just one thing was bugging me. Put line dividers between your A/N's and the story. Other than that, not a single problem. keep it up!