Beautiful and enthralling! :-)

This is one of the few stories where I actually can relate to Star.

You did a very good job here. Wonderful descriptions, great insight into a character, thrilling and somewhat eerie atmosphere.

The moment were Paul told Laddie to back out so he wouldn't have to watch them killing Rainbow made me shiver.

I loved it! :-)

Wow, this is incredible! I like how you've done it from Star's perspection and it's really inspired me! I actually love this one shot :D

This was amazing. So beautiful. Like poetry. I'm speechless and touched by it. Sometimes I felt like I could understand her, just the little things, like the pressures of just being a girl, and loneliness. This honestly touched me. You are a role model for me in writing. Incredible work. I loved it!

This is totally AMAZING! I loved it.

Very beautiful and not once did you say her name, but from all the descriptions...Very beautiful, nothing but beautiful, and great choice of words to describe everything. For something so short, you said plenty, and very gorgeous as well.

Wonderful.

x

Wow, this is a marvelous story you have here. The writing itself is amazing. You really make me feel for and understand Star, and I don't really even like her.

The first thing I will start with are the lovely images. The details are so vivid. The way you describe all the things in a person's life that are red which is the same color as blood, a very nice touch on your part. You include so many items: the toys, lipstick, and of course blood, but they all share that same color. I especially love the image of splitting a cherry with teeth. There are just so many beautiful details with a vast vocabulary that makes this fic a lovely work of art to read.

Good job with putting this story in second person. This is the first story I've ever read on this site that is in second person, but it works well. You manage to bring the reader into Star's perspective by showing the events that led up to the moment she first spoke with Michael. The details of her friend and the time she first tasted blood are nicely done. In a way those moments are kind of blurry which reads almost like a hazy memory. In a way it's almost like her former mortal life is now a memory.

I really like how the first and last line of this story contradict each other. Now that you mention it, Star is pretty selfish to put Michael in danger just because she wants to meet him.

This story is intriguing from beginning to end. You obviously put a lot of effort into writing this story. Excellent work. I look forward to reading other stories written by you.

All I can say is this was brilliant. I'm at loss for words at the moment so give me a minute...

okay I'm back!

This Star is so different from any I've ever read before. She wasn't just entrancing, she was smart, eager, but cautious. You brought her cautious side out better than anybody I've ever seen.

The thought of Star being young and attending preschool just somehow never crossed my mind. We always see her as a grown up figure, the one to take care of Laddie and watch out for him. We never see into her past, her childhood and you've brought this out brilliantly.

Her friend, Rainbow, she was an interesting character to put in. I think she worked out quite well for this piece as it gave the boys a reason to draw Star in, more so than just taking her alone. When you have a friend, it's much easier to say yes to things, don't you think?

I thought it was interesting that Star avoided everything about the boys when they started asking her questions and such. I also liked how David noticed this. That was the breaking point, I think, for making her one of them. She was different, cautious, careful.

Having Star accidentally drink Dwayne's blood from a kiss was one method I have never seen before. Using Dwayne for that was quite unexpected but it worked out surprisingly well!

The end gave me chills. She put aside her fear of losing Michael and gave in to her selfishness. Honestly though, I believe Star deserves to be happy so...

Brilliant job with this, Red!

*Sunny*

Ohhh, this. Her pressing down the bloodlust, causing her childhood memories to become distorted. Obvious innocent things, turning into something more sinister. Something more like bloodlust. Turning it into a sexual thing with the mention of menstration. The use of that, also, is vaguely disturbing-perhaps as a statement toward how wrong the bloodlust/sexuality combination is?

Her friend disappearing, inconclusive. Absolutely wonderful.

Dwayne was such an odd choice to use, but Dwayne definitely has that brooding quality, and it gives him that sinister vibe, so I totally see him slipping her the blood. Innocently, of course. Because he's so sinister. Speaking of, Paul talking to Laddie? It's seriously refreshing to see one of the boys who isn't Dwayne speak to Laddie. It's odd, too, since Dwayne seems to be the only one willing to take on that brother role (Dwayne being so sinister, I'm not convinced). But, again, it's refreshing; there's no sinister undertone toward Laddie since it isn't Dwayne using his brooding outward toward Laddie.

Star luring Michael in, not feeling guilty during the event, but seeing afterwards how terrible it was. Just GUH.

This is a totally new perspective for Star and I dig it. This is beyond words and so deep and detailed. You cannot get a better understanding of her character.

And I love the hintings of her relations with Dwayne. It's so...it feels like wisps of color and wind. It's so thoughtful and reminiscent and the detail has a dark dream complex.

I LOVE IT.