I think that when you gave some plot earlier of the sex you should have done a reaction of hiashi or other people in the park or a scene lator like oh no naruto did you hear hinata is pregnant

This is far too rushed. Naruto goes from thinking of a way to let her down easy to loving her way too quickly. Instead of him telling her he loves her he should have said he was willing to give her a chance.

that was good keep the chapters coming

I like it but doing it in the park without anybody walking in especially after an invasion when people are liable to be walking around the village lost in thought or seeing what happened to their favorite place "like their favorite park" is a little unrealistic, also wasn't the entire village destroyed during the attack including his apartment, the mansion and the park

Holy he'll, that was awesome. Once I started reading I couldn't stop. This was very well written and without a doubt one of the best lemons I've read.

Your friend is an idiot, you can write smut good smut, this is by far one of the better lemons on this site and just like you I've been reading a lot of them, some good (like this one) and some 'meh'.

wow that was one of the best stories i'v ever read

I really liked it :D Everything was just perfect ;D I am just wondering if Hinata did get pregnant in the End :'D You should actually make a two shot out of it Ort something like that, cause' i really liked it and I want know how it ends .

AnimeNeily ﹏

3

Compared to some, I think this is a pretty good lemon!

This is a realy good lemon. I agree it sucks that most lemons seem to have no plot and the characters are oftern unrealistic but you set it up realy well. Your friend was wrong you can totally write good lemons :).

I love this fanfic.

Cool lemon... After I saw yours it made me motivated to write a oneshot lemon for myself but I can't think of a plot... Do you have some ideas if yes then maybe you can send them over to me through pms?

I for one enjoyed your lemon and it has been one of the better ones I have read. So please feel free to rum this review in your friends face. I really like the whole Naruto starts off telling about how his first thought was to reject her then how that cam to love. But what I would have liked was this from Hinata "I know you like Sakura-chan Naruto-Kun and if you feel that you would be happier with her than with me then I won't stand in your way. I won't try to use my feelings to make you feel guilty for not choosing me. I just want you to be happy and if your happy, I'm happy." You know let her accept that Naruto might not choose her and then bang he does choose her. So a happy Hinata. I just wanted that Hinata thing because I think that the whole Naruto confession was a little drawn out and input from Hinata would have helped it along. But I really like how you write and I hope that you keep on writing hope to see more of your stuff.

this is graet im not sined in write know cus im on my kindle and it wont let me but geting ack to the point this is one of the best one shote sex storys i have read i think you should write som more and ad lemons to your storys i just got done reading your story where noruto is in iwa love it. i think you should do a side story lemon wih narutos first time with your oc any way just want to say you are a boss a writing pleas nt stop. ps im naruhinaloverwages