I cant read anymore ! Have you read your own work ? My 6 year old granddaughter wrote and spelt better than you and her grammar was much better. Did you manage to finish infant school ?….thought not !

Just want to say this is a good story, it also made me a little tearful as I'm a twin and she also died but not as young as Natalie
But I just want to say thank you for uploading this story

your information was confusing and contradictory.

liked

great story you did awesome on it

Wonderful!

I LOVED IT SO SO MUCH!

It was good i liked the idea.

First off, I like the premise of this story. You've got a really good start to a story. Loved the name for Rory's daughter. I also noticed some grammatical issues that made it hard for me to focus on what was happening. You forget letters "I a lying in the hospital" and you switched in a out of first person point of view a little in the story. Also some of your verb tenses don't make sense in the context. I'm not trying to be mean by pointing these things out. Hopefully you can use this to make the story better. I'd also suggest getting a beta for the story.

It's a good story, full of emotion and and everyone's in character. For future stories however, show rather than tell. For example in chapter two you have "I am standing outside the nursary, with my family and I have just held my second nephew, my sisters second son." You could put "After holding my nephew, I stood outside the nursery with my family". And in another line you saw "Colin snaps at Logan, telling him to back off". Don't tell us he did that, show it. Catch ya on the flip side.