First off, I want to say this was a very fascinating story. The idea of giving Yami this disorder was a very great touch, altough unusual and a tad creepy. Also, I loved the story flow and the castella recipe bits you added to create this eerie atmosphere. The confused mix of feelings Shizuka has for him was interesting to consider too -very good work!

While I understand the story was to be focused on her viewpoint, I just wished we had more details on Yami's behavior; how came he just had this insta-infatuation with Shizuka -why? what drove him? And what did he do during the time when he was away?

Other than that, this was a great reading. Thanks for writing this!

Very creepy and amazing! The things people do for love... And what must be done to attempt to move on.

Aw, I did really like this! I was a bit confused by some of the same issues some of the others brought up, but what I most liked about this piece was how you integrated the cooking and the recipes with the action and plot of the story. That reminded me a lot of "Like Water for Chocolate" (a fantastic magical realism novel where the protagonist's feelings are transferred to everyone who consumes her food [in short] and each new chapter starts with a recipe). I liked the research you put into it in that regard (the recipes, etc), and while I thought this had the potential to be a fantastic piece, the execution seemed a little rushed or undeveloped - the end was very sudden, I felt, and the story could have been much deeper and richer if it had been fleshed out a little more.

I thought your take on the Shadowshipping was very unusual and different (in a good way! D), and I liked seeing something different from your usual style. ) Keep up the good work!

~Jess (MMF)

Awww, yay cooking! Well, more like baking, but I always love to read about kitchen magic because it's one of those skills I've always wanted to possess. I just so admire characters that cook! :)

I really like how you intersperse the ingredients/directions in with the story, although when you start doing the thoughts as well the italics tend to run together. There's probably not a good alternative, though. But I loved how you wrote Shizuka-pursuing what she wanted. I also really liked the idea of Jounouchi leaving (I don't think I've ever read that before) and I really wanted to know why he left.

And this might seem nitpicky, but the passage of time/Jou leaving thing kind of confused me here:

"Her eyes caught on the photo tacked to the window frame, and she smiled in spite of herself at the image; it was of her and Jou sitting on the beach, taken only last month. He'd taken her there as a twentieth birthday present, and they'd spent the day relaxing with friends in the warm summer sun."

and

"last time they had met... It had been the day after Jou left, the day after her 19th birthday- Yami had come to her, passion flaring in his eyes, begging her to come with him, imploring her to run away with him, telling her he loved her, he would marry her, she would be so happy with him..."

When exactly did Jou leave? And then several years go by during the timeline of the story, right? Just little things like that kind of jarred me out of the 'world' of the story (I'm not kidding-I totally imagined a bright, shiny bakery with cutesy colors, kind of old-timey where Shizuka would just dance around and make desserts)

I thought the idea of giving Yami that disorder was a cool one, but for the purposes of the shadowshipping it made it appear forced in-order-for-there-to-be-shadowship. But you know me, I'm always most intrigued by the beginnings of things. I wanted to know if it was like a flip of a switch with him, suddenly he loves her, or were there any clues that Shizuka could pick up on, or maybe it had something to do with Jou leaving, those sorts of things.

But I thought this was a really cool idea! For you I recommend 'Great Chieftain o' the Puddin Race' by Mikomi's Pen, it's a story about cooking that I immediately thought of when I started reading this :) But great job on this one!

Hi there, long time no see!

So I have yet to catch up with your banana and your gem, but I have to read this one first because of the imminent voting deadline!

Because it showed your foodie side this fic was right up my alley. I love everything related to cooking! And I congratulate you for using this unusual format. It was very creative. I hope you do keep experimenting in the future!

For me there were a little bit too many (thoughts), but because it's part of the piece's unique style, it does work quite well, and I beg you not to edit them out.

I liked Shizuka's perseverance and stubbornness, which is similar to her brother's but expressed in a different way! And I find it interesting that you chose to reuse the theme of mental illness, just like you did for round one.

Overall, a nice interesting piece! Good luck!

-Milly

No matter what you may think, Bookworm - I really liked this!

The little sections you divided the fic into really added to the delivery of the plot, and the big twists that appeared were delivered so well. The obsessive love disorder and your perfect portrayal of it actually made me shudder a bit out of disgust for what he did. His justification for it and the constant 'I love 'you' repetitions just made it all the creepier. (And I actually guessed that he'd killed Jounouchi since I had prior knowledge of the pairing, but you still wrote it so well that I wasn't let down by the actual event.)

And speaking of which, I loved the foreshadowing you had going on all over the place. Shizuka's memory of the proposal, the flashback where she insisted she would wait for Jounouchi, her determination to hate his murderer - they all added up so nicely and made the final plot twist even more of a grand reveal. And the repetition of "(Don't look back.)"... \dies\ I don't think it gets more wonderfully angst-filled than that.

My only bit of concrit is somewhat ridiculously specific - the recipe lists are formatted with spaces between the lines, which I think makes them look falsely stretched out, like you're trying to take up space. But it might not seem like that to other readers! xD (Also, I think some paragraphs at the end don't have line spaces between them, but that could just be me...)

Great job, and good luck (though you really don't need it)!

~ Keruth

Despite your feeling that this is too rushed, I liked the simplicity of this story. You built up to the revelation quite smoothly, and the repeated line at the end of each section was effective.

There are hints, too (the flashback to the scene with Shizuka's mother), of what this could have been if you'd had more time: the observation that baking, with the order and precision that the craft requires, and the comfort and sustenance that its products bring, is a great framework for giving depth to Shizuka's character.

Good luck in the contest~!

Essh! That was very creepy but I loved it! I'd like to read a more fluffy piece on the two of them! Lol!

Lol Obsessive love disorder. Haha classic. I can actually imagine Yami stalking her. Ooohhh... that would be v. creepy. Well done! RSLx

WOAH! Crazy Yami! XD