John thanks for sharing this link your right it's pretty Bichen.

I like there are more to read. But you failed to mention he or she had a Compleated 4th chapter. As far as I know

No one in class has the ending of chapter 4 why is that? Does Dr fit's know this?

(WRITER): I have seen all the submissions

And I agree with what John said on our writers guild web sight. I don't understand why the ending of

Your 4th chapter is missing over there but u should fix that as your paper is the only edaptions from

this site in the class cylabus we will be discussing in class Wed. You are a good writer who has the ability

To draw the reader into your world. Most of your transitions are qwite smooth, and

Your not making the frequently made mistake of trying to move through your plot to

Quickly. Your writing keeps the reader in the mindset of the original storie and there by

Keeps it real and believable. Thank you for you Wk we lookforward to seeing 5 soon.

J.R.

Great Job Trevor keep it coming.

Great job! I can't wait to see what comes next I have always wanted to see Max's story continued.

I can ALREADY tell I'm gonna like this Carver character! :D also liking the length. It's a nice size for a nice read. SUGGESTION! PUT SOME FRIGGING PARAGRAPHS IN IT PLEASE! With my HUGE laptop screen sometimes the big bulky blobs of words blur and mold together soooooooo I'd appreciate that THANKS! CAN'T WAIT FOR CHAPTER 5 'CARVER KILLS MORE PEOPLE!' haha D

Nice to see some interesting characters in the story. Hopefully some Dynamic Characters to keep it fresh. ALso nice to see better length! This one actually took me a bit to read! :P Also For some reason i recognize that street name hmmmmm! O_o haha

I'm like 95% sure they wouldn't have aspirin on a plane! But hey, I could be wrong! haha. Only suggestion of this is that you try and make them a little longer and don't push them out so fast! KEEP IT UP! :D

One word...boner. Well maybe a few more, i never being a HUGE fan of the game series nonetheless beating them, spent just enough time to get to know Max's persona. And you somehow nailed it. I don't even know for sure but it's believable. And to be able to attain that personality right away is good. But just because you made it good so far doesn't mean your set. You've elaborated the base set of characteristics from the game and your chapter, now choose whether you want to make him a static character or a dynamic character. and what you wanna do with that. But other than that looking forward to CHAPTER 2!

:D MrCarver ;D