Well that was just adorable. I loved the math randomly put in. I know that was kind of the point, but I love the way you did it! _ Great job! _

So Fricking HOT! OoO'

Great work on your first lemon and fanfiction, mate! Best bloody one I've read for Kurama/Yusuke so far! X3

This was cute but when you stated talking about FOIL which, of course, stands for First Outside Inside Last I thought you were going to take it in a direction consisting of really intense foreplay and then get to the penetration. First outside(play), inside last(sex). It was still really good though.

Lol! Great way to have the whole story started! I love the "dividing the legs" part the best! So, this is your first time writing this type of thing? I had recently done my own first yaoi not too long ago, isn't the most awkward thing? I had to keep stopping in the middle of writing because I kept getting nervous.:D Anyways, good work. I know I really enjoyed this! Kurama/Yusuke FTW!:D

If this was your first fanfiction and/or lemon, you did pretty good.

Crit: admittedly it's a personal quirk of mine so please feel free to disregard) is sometimes your language was a bit...stilted and jarring.

Crit: There was very little feeling or true 'believable' passion between the two characters. It was more, let's see what type of compromising sititutions we can put the boys in...I know! Let's pretend to have Yusuke ask for help then have Kurama jump his bones!

Crit:(again, admittedly this is a personal quirk of mine so feel free to disregard) Change up your phrasing a bit so it doesn't become repetitive.

There are dozens of ways to describe Yusuke's 'hole'.

Your version

"...slowly pressed one, long finger into Yusuke's hole..."

Examples

"...slowly Kurama pressed one long finger into the heat of Yusuke's body..."

"...slowly Kurama pressed one long finger into the silky depths of Yusuke's body..."