St. Jude's doesn't deliver babies. They treat cancer. Also, the dialogue is incredibly awkward and forced.

Wait but it worked when Vlad did it and Dan was created?

This story my friend, is priceless
*starts laughing and rolling on the ground*

So, I've notice most of your stories are filled completely with dialogue and hardly any descriptions. It makes it hard to be able to read your story without anything to imagine it with, (hence why descriptions are important). I see that you've started to do this in the beginnings of your story, but it would be great to see this during setting changes, and to deeply express feelings/opinions. It just brings your work to life. I think you have great ideas...

love the ben 10 thing

I wouldn't only cuss, if my parents were dissecting my little Brother because he is different. I guess I'd yell at them and try to knock some sense into them. Because parents hurting their children is wrong on so many Levels...

You know the previous story wasnt really k, k means 5

*Crying*

XD Love the Ben 10 reference (I totally just sang the whole thing in my head)

fuck you, man.
fuck you.

WHAT THE FUCK!? !? ?! ?! ?! !? !? !? !? !? ! ?
*glares* you little bitch

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOOLOLOLOLOLOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOOLLOOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOO

Could just be me but this WAS a happy story

yeah... I can see Jack accidentally shooting Danny a lot... he's a bit to trigger happy... and not that bright. XD

\(' ')\ *fancy moves*