Lovely, one of the best Lemon's Ive read. Great job.

hmmmm sequel?

Holy shit. Suzaku becoming Lelouch's whore...never woulda thought of that XD Worked, though. Awesome job - You only had one mistake (that I could see). Most of this was in present tense, but there was a sentence - something about the scenery - that was in past tense. Apart from that, I didn't notice any grammatical or spelling mistakes, though I'm no English major. So, again, gokuro-sama (good job in Japanese).

I really, really liked this.

Your writing is unique! Like, purple-prose, sort of. I like it. But you said you rushed this, soo...

I like whore!zaku. I've always had an affinity for him. I think it really makes sense considering the guilt over what he did to his father. Like he feels like he deserves it. In fact I'm almost sure that if there were hentai scenes in the actual show, that's very much how he'd be.

But what do I know, I'm just a fangirl.

A fangirl who likes your stories a whole lot!

Especially Violetta. :D

Alright, I love this idea. Its kinky and fun and makes for wonderful one shots, but you have stirred the Grammar Nazi in me. I'm so sorry for what is coming.

You have one major issue. Sentence structure. You have littered this piece with very poetic and nice sounding and sorry but useless sentences.

Ex:But something changes his mind; something flips that cerebral switch of abandon. Maybe it's the fact that he's done this before, engaged in mutual pleasure with his arrogant and otherwise unbearable patrons, never speaking to them after the tryst and never feeling a real desire to. Maybe it's the fact that, regardless, he's reeled in now, as he always is.

This is confusing as hell. Nicely written I'll give it that. It has a very unique flow...but what are you trying to say? "something" is said a total of twice followed by two "it's." So we have an it and a something. Abstract referrals like this get really hard to read and understand. Name the something or the it. It makes things so much smoother. Also last sentence:

Maybe it's the fact that, regardless, he's reeled in now, as he always is.

A. First time reading this didn't get it, took me two more times to really figure it out.

B. What?

and C. I don't think you realize how wordy and overly populated this sentence is. But that isn't all of the provlem, you see at first I stapled this as a fragment sentence, but after reading it over about five times, I see it has a subject, one clear and one unclear, but the predicate is hard to place.

Second Ex: He tastes of a sharp musk, as well as something rather sweet; or perhaps that's just the way he laughs breathlessly into their shared cavern, spurring Suzaku to the realization of how much time has passed between now and his last sexual encounter - which is the greater half of forty-eight hours.

A. as always...WHAT?

B. this is not a run on sentence, this is a run on and on and on and on sentence. I know, it can be tough at times, but let it end already. This is not Victor Hugo's fandom.

C. Are you reading the same sentence as me? again I don't think you realize how you king d of just kept shoving words and commas and a semicolon in there...oh and a dash! Again end already! This is confusing in its current state. He's tasting something, then laughing, then realizations, and sex two days ago...I have to keep reminding myself its still just one sentence.

D. Semicolons are precious. All they do is show a reader you've gone to college. avoid at all cost to use them.

E. by the second half I was going wait a second is he talking about the laugh or the kiss or...what the heck is going on?

Okay, so fixes. Read this out loud. It doesn't have to be to someone, although that helps so much more, but just saying it out loud even to yourself with help so much. Once you start speaking these sentences you start to realize how wordy and how much of a mouthful a lot of them really are.

You have good writing style, I really like it but its not elegant as it should be because I have to stop and reread half the stuff to try and decipher what exactly the point of each sentence is. Really, there's just so much STUFF in every sentence it trips the mind and tongue up. So in the end the reader is just going...what?

You have a good working knowledge of grammar I can tell that, but its over working to the point its all just so damn hard to get through. Not going to lie the first time I read this I did fine, skipped a lot of useless stuff in the process though, I got the over all points but then when I went back it all of a sudden hit me just how hard this reading really is.

Simplify it up a little. You don't need all that stuff to have a good story. You have a good story right now! The thing is its just feels cluttered.

No hard feelings, really. I'm just trying to help improve your writing. You've got some great stuff working here, just let it shine through all the unnecessary stuff.

It would be a so cool fic if Suzaku isn't portait as a whore... and they behave as it isn't a bad thing...

Just lovely. :)

Wait so Lulu gave Zaku money cuz they had sex?