really good story

OH PLEASE FINSIH! OR MAKE MORE!

I LOVE your story, but will u be adding more soon? It's REAllY cute! o hey, do u remember me? papercarrier2000? hehehe HI

This is soooo cuute! I wonder if Kibito was "just kidding", or, as I would have it, trying to save his skin? LOL

Actually, I am the author of quite a few *serious* shoonen-ai fics involving Kaiooshin and Kibito. *G*

And the time-warp was unexpected! overall, good first chap! Can't wait to see where the second one heads!

-Rivka

Well, I have heard this story far to many times! If you hadn't noticed, this is SK! E-mail SC for info! GRAPE! Shannen! Stop that!

Ah, a fellow Russian blood out here writing on ? Is it possible? Welcome! Welcome!

You're only 13? My heavens, you have enormous potential young one, yes indeed you do *s*

Your O/C is very wonderfully done, and very endearing. I know already that I am going to enjoy this story quite alot *s* You made me laugh, you have my curiosity piqued, and I can not wait to see how this adorable tale pans out!

You asked for constructive criticism (is it possible? Someone actually, other than myself and a rare few others, enjoys learning from this? *s*) so I will try to help you out.

Be careful with your spelling... I am not sure of your full knowledge of English (though I must say you are highly well spoken for one of 13) but either way, the verbiage you use is more suited to one at least of 17 or 18 years *s* Just keep an eye out for the spelling errors. As a fellow writer, I like to see others of talent be the best they can be, which is why I'm being open and honest with you *s*

Anyhow, I give this 5 gold stars! Beautifully written, and I hope to see more soon!

~Datura~

Hehehe grape and overfrown strawberry! Man, I'd wanna call them that if I were Alex too. Orange County Ca... I live in Bay Area Ca. Damn, I was close! *lol*

This is cute and humorous, I like the part where Alex queries about Kaioushin and Kibito being... *grin* I just love that. And poor Kibito pouting. _