I sympathzie with Raphael being in this toxic relationship with no edge room to do anything about it. I guess this is the darkside of having your family constently around you. Leo asking if they hated each other in the end surpised me, but I think you stayed true to his character by making him perseptive. I like how they resloved their feelings for each other.

Dude, awesome! Do something like this for the other turtles! Please, please, please, please, I'll keep doing this till you do ya know, please, please, please, please...

Awww, Raph and Leo admitting they don't hate each other. And I like the idea that Splinter may show favoritism to Leo, even unintentionally. Parents always let the good kids do more stuff, even if they don't really deserve it.

I think you did fine with Splinter's dialogue. In fact, I thought it rang true.

Died? This is AMAZING. You've got the sibling rivalry relationship between Leo and Raph down so well. And your Splinter dialogue is fine. He seems harder to write than he is because you always hear him with that wise-sounding accent. But a lot of what he says is just normal stuff, with a little bit different grammar.

I love the ending here, I couldn't quite see what common ground they might find that wasn't totally cheesy, and you have found it. I bought this 100%. Great job.

Ok, so I read the summary and nearly passed this by (I love Raph and Leo as best friends rather than enemies) But saw who it was written by and thought I'd give it a go regardless.

Beautifully written, totally sucked me in and I could FEEL Raph's simmering emotions as if they were my own. I was kinda sad but impressed with how you ended it, they made peace with themselves by confessing that they feel the same way about each other (tis just a shame that the feeling was 'I can't stand you!') But had you given the ending a fluffy U-turn and made them suddenly like each other it would have spoilt it.

So yeah, really good work! _

Nice. ) You characterized Leo and Raph very well, and the conflicts felt real. Having brothers myself, I know what that competitive streak is like, and I thought you portrayed it excellently.

Some suggestions:

Write in the past tense. That's what you usually do with stories, and many of the anecdotes in here happened in the past.

Try to open the story with a hook. It started out a little slow, but then got engaging. A hook will draw the readers in and make it more compelling to read.

All-in-all, very good. D

God Bless,

Peechy

PS Sorry if the suggestions were discouraging; I tried not to make them that way. I'm finicky with writing, and my Grammar/Writing Nazi mentality takes over. ;