MARY SUE!

Pretty good

Sarah

What you have here is a Mary-Sue. This girl waltzes in and everybody loves her. Just NO. I mean it.

{using my best "well then" face}

Still some glaring grammar/spelling errors. Re-read the story in a year and I bet you will find them. Still, an excellent story for your first time. You have a quirky humor that shows in your writing. Thunder likes chocolate chip cookies? Here I was thinking it was Cinnamon Toast Crunch!

~ CGG

thx fo the giant cookie, its delicios hehe

Your writng is improving ... watch for the common errors - your/you're, weather/whether and random capitalizations in the middle of a sentance. Suggestion: after you are done writing, read what you wrote out loud and make sure it makes sense. There are some sentances in there that don't make sense. At all.

DOOD. U neads 2 b werkin on ur spellins. WATCH UR CAPITALIZATIONS 2.

SRSLY, I love your story but good grammar and spelling are important too.

i read the whole thing and i liked it and i usually dont like reading but you should add on to this chapter/book and if you make another book thingy can me and stevelynn be in it pleaz thx

and yeah i broke myy leg, thx for the flowers, :p :(

thx u the best!

:)

A guy named Stevelynn? FREALZ? Who would do that to their kid? I liked the fighting scene - Kelsey needs to have better coverage. Maybe they should all drill together or something to become more organized with their fighting?

Kelsey-snappy, funny, pretty green eyes, shimmering blond hair, and not always the most careful person. Good job:)

THIS IS THE LYSSA IN THE STORY WHY DID U END IT AND WHERE IS STEVELYNN GRIFFIN IS IN IT