This is really good for a first attempt, and I'd be preod of it if I were you.

This story is sounding very interesting, but is it some sort of weird crossover to Metro 2033? Whatever, if you were a bit more descriptive, the chapter would have been perfect.

Wow, excellent start! I'm surprised there haven't been more stories coming from the ME3 trailer. I like that your character is far from perfect- I've read to many stories of invincible space marines walking all over the Reapers. I'm looking forward to reading more!

great story dude, there were a few spelling errors, i saw less than three but spectacular for a first story. this story, was it spawned from that mass effect 3 trailer? if so that makes it more impressive to flesh a trailer out like that...