Coming along nicely. I loved the part with some strange woman putting the moves on Luigi. Will we see her again?

I love the contrast between the brothers, but who is this Ernie guy? Is he an original character? Is he just for this chapter or will be more important later on?

I'm really looking forward to Luigi's interaction with Daisy. What'll she be like?

Interesting start. The name "Mario Mario" made me think of that dreadful movie they made about 20 years ago. LOL.

I love the idea that someone's FINALLY getting to be a bit cynical (at least initially) about the princess being kidnapped AGAIN. The tension between the brothers is really interesting as well.

Good job.

Wow. I knew the story was so dark and gritty, but I never thought it would be so intense. The details related to the five senses were so powerful, and it relates to how Mario needs all five sense working if he was going to be a fighter. I could just see myself in Mario's shoes through the descriptions you gave and how it just screamed, "Oh god, what has happened here." The whole reveal of the servants being killed like that was so brutal-why is this 'Samus' (as I call her now cause blue jumpsuit doesn't sound so appealing) do such a thing? what type of message is she sending?

Daisy's in a state of grief and when a person's like that, we go through so many big lengths to deny when things are completely bad. It's to tell ourselves that life is playing a big trick on us-in that things will eventually be fine, only to find ourselves sucker punched because that's not the truth at all. Going through dire lengths to see her parents is dedication, but she also has risks of nearly killing herself when she does this. At least her parents are alive and minus some bumps, bruises and burns, she's going to live.

The sentences regarding how Mario couldn't break shows more of his character-he had to grow a wall around his heart so he didn't break down. He did it cause the world was so heartless and so cruel. If it were another time and another place, maybe he would open up. But not in this story. Here he is a warrior who closes his heart to protect not just the person he's promised to protect, but to also protect himself from the pain and suffering. Wonderful.

I am excited to see what's the next step in this story. This is getting very interesting and so climatic. thank you for writing.

The dream was very frightening because Mario has two important people in his life: the princess he must save, and the only person who is his only living relative. If I was put in that situation, I would be freaking out. It would be so hard to decided because someone will die and I would be blaming myself for their deaths until my dying days. It is a sadistic choice, let me tell you.

The garage scene was so detailed. I could imagine Mario and Luigi's eyes tearing up at the cars in front of him. The line of Mario stating "I am a mechanic" shines through. He's a fixer of cars before he was a knight in the Mushroom Kingdom, and that his past is still a part of his present and maybe even his future. This is also exemplified by the car that was once his father's, which has probably gotten around 3-4 decades of use give or take how old both mario brothers are and how long the parents had the car prior to their birth. As Archie stated about his car, "It has character."

The woman in a blue catsuit? It sounds like Samus for some odd reason. It would make sense with the spheres and bombs (which Samus used in the Metroid games), but how does she fit into this whole story? Things are getting more and more suspicious by the day, and soon enough we will be getting into something big.

Thank you for writing.

Daisy flowers are signs of innocence and the color of white petals relates to the chapter of light as the princess is a beacon of light after the grittiness of this strange metropolis Mushroom Kingdom world. I'm glad that she is a big voice of reason amongst the characters right now and seems to help be a mediator with Mario's sour knight tendencies and Luigi's cowardly lion attitude. Well done.

Daisy's father does have some good points. What's to say Mario isn't the one pulling the strings? We don't know for sure, and sometimes in most stories and fictional series (Tv, film and literature), the protagonist is someone we shouldn't trust until we go to the very last scene. But we know Mario would NEVER do something like this. He's a hero who does right and he won't step back as everyone slanders Princess Peach's good name. he'll do whatever it takes to ensure she gets back home safely.

I also like how you start bringing up the idea of Luigi and Daisy's relationship. It will be nice for Luigi to come out of his shell and prove that he can be someone in this evil world. I am excited to see his character growth alongside his brother, and to see if Mario can also learn to lighten up. Mario does have the best intentions, but it's his anger and his idea to jump into action that causes a lot of problems. But then again, in this strange world where the kid you grew up with is gunning at your door and the city is filled with evil, sin and wickedness, it's amazing how he hasn't gone downright suicidal.

Overall, a very interesting chapter. Thank you for writing.

So we have a Daisy chapter here now, eh? Wasn't quite expecting that, but okay.

It looks like it really was a good think Daisy decided to turn around when she did, because she was pretty much almost completely useless in that fight. I mean, all she really did was survive and mostly let her parents and Toad do all the work except for the finishing blow. And that was against the guys who had kidnapped her before and she would even want to have a reason to fight against! So yeah, getting some training of some sort would probably help her out a lot.

And Antonio certainly is a stubborn one, almost mightily so. I mean, for him to still be on about disowning Daisy after she had come back and tried to reconcile with him and then even went through that whole fight with him is just crazy. But yet at the same time, he did show some flashes of caring about Daisy, so I'm not sure just what his deal is. Maybe he's just trying to toughen her up, but he's not doing a very good job at it if he's even putting down the thought of her training.

At the same time though, I couldn't help but to shake a bit of the feeling that this chapter was sort of just filler, a side plot that's sort of hampering the development of the main plot. I mean, this is chapter sixteen, but Mario and Luigi are no closer to finding Peach than they were at chapter one except for the fact they've got Rosa with him. I mean, sure, Daisy might be important later on and normally I would have no problem with a chapter like this that expanded upon a possible main player, but at the same time it shouldn't feel like it's detrimental from making the main plot moving along, which it kind of did for me. I dunno, that's just sort of my thoughts on the subject.

Still though, I do want to see where you go with this next, so hopefully you decide to update sometime in the future. Until then!

Hmm... I'm not sure if I liked this chapter. I mean...it just sort of made a lot of things...unnecessary I felt.

So, first off, we have Mario with a real dramatic death scene with him talking about how he felt like he was slipping away and about to move on and see if there was a god and all that stuff...only for us to find out that he knew what was going on all along and was never in any danger of dying. It just sort of made the whole beginning part of this chapter seem kind of wastefully dramatic and kind of unrealistic. And even then, a wound like that to his gut on top of the burns he had suffered and the other various injuries Mario had taken should probably have been more than enough to incapacitate him for a while, which would have made their plan really foolish in the first place.

And then we have Daisy, who, after arguing back and forth with her father for a good chunk of a chapter suddenly decides that she's not going. Yet. And instead she's going to turn back around before they've barely even left to go train. Her dismissal of the quest so quickly just made a lot of that last scene with her father seem really unneeded and sort of a waste of time for me to have gone through.

So Daisy really was bird watching late at night, eh? A bit anticlimactic there, but at the same time, it was nice to see that sometimes things that are hinted at as being big deals really aren't that big in the long run. It keeps the reader like me sort of on their toes and starts making them rethink everything, which is a good thing.

And that's pretty much it I think. Sorry if this review was a bit harsh, but, ya know, I gotta say what I think and stuff. Anyway, it looks like I have one more chapter to go, and then I'll finally be all caught up. Woo!

Well, we're back to Mona and Ashley, eh? And it looks like they've still got a part to play in this story, or at least that's the feeling I'm getting from reading about Mona's little midnight blueprint ceiling painting escapade.

So I'm glad this chapter gave a bit of a background on the two of these characters, because I'm not quite as familiar with them as I am with, say, Mario or Daisy or even Rosa, and I was curious to see how they fit in with your AU version you have going here. Plus, it also helped to really paint Wario in a different kind of light since he was kind enough to apparently bring in these two girls and take care of them in his own home when they had nowhere else to go.

And Mona's an engineer working on some super-special top-secret project, eh? That's probably not good at all for the two Mario brothers if it's some kind of device to use against them. I am curious, though, at how Ashley didn't notice this before. I mean, from the sounds of your descriptions, the blue print is huge and the rigging probably took a while to set up, so I doubt Mona could have done all that work in one night. And even if Mona was using glow in the dark paint that was invisible when the light was on or something, Ashley still probably should have noticed what was left over from the rigging, or at least how tired Mona looked if she had to work on it solely during the nighttime.

Or maybe she just got drugged every time she looked at it. Who knows.

Anyway, it was a cool place to kick off your second arc, and I'm looking forward to seeing what you have in store next. Until then!

That...was hilarious. XD

Alright. Well. I'm not really sure what else to say about this chapter besides that. It was just a lot of, well, fun, and I was pretty entertained with it anyway, haha.

I would like to say though that you had the characters probably be a but too harsh on this story. I mean, yeah, I know most of it was for comedic perposes, and it's good sometimes to make fun of yourself a bit, but have they seen some of the stuff on this site? I mean, if they thought this was bad, I'd love to see what they thought of some of the...less-than-stellar fics out there if you will. Or maybe I wouldn't, since I'm not sure if they would be able to make it through the experience, haha.

Anyway, it was a cool chapter, and if it means anything, I like your fic that you've got here. Now if you'll excuse me, I must be off before Mario decides to shoot me in the head for saying something like that, haha. ;)

Well, they're not any closer to finding Peach, but at least the story is progressing a bit and we've got more main players added officially into the mix with Rosa and Daisy. I have to say, I am kind of glad that they're coming along since they're both a little bit mysterious, especially Rosa.

And wow. That twist at the end...I didn't see that coming. Like, at all. Luigi? With a knife? Stabbing Mario? Just...what? I mean, where did he even get a knife? This is the same Luigi who didn't even know to bring weapons and who flinched at holding a gun? I mean, I guess he might be possessed or mind controlled or something, but it doesn't really explain the knife.

So, um, yeah. I'm just a bit confused and shocked by the whole thing I guess, and things are certainly getting a bit weird. If this chapter was anything to go by though, this next arc will be real interesting to see how everything plays out. Until next time!

So it was back to Mario and Luigi, eh? And it's part of an arc finale? Interesting.

Well, while this chapter did lack a bit in action and the amount of stuff going on compared to a lot of the other chapters, it more than made up for it with reading about Mario's reactions to his brother's attack. I have to say, I can't blame him for chastising Luigi when he didn't realize the full extent of the attack. After all, that would have been the...what? Fourth time he passed out in two days? He did have a very valid reasoning for his thoughts.

The way he reacted after he realized his brother was dying though, now that was very nicely written. The descriptions were very intense, and the flashback that accompanied it was perfect. And that whole little part about Mario not believing in a god yet still praying just topped it off superbly. Very, very good job with that.

I am hoping that there is a bit of an explaination as to how Luigi survived the poison though, at least later on. It just would make the whole thing seem a bit cheaper than it should if there isn't one, at least in my opinion.

So this is the first part of the end of the first arc, eh? Hopefully that means we'll be getting a clue about where Peach is soon. Until next time!

The talk of the dragons and humans was interesting. It is not the dragons who killed humans, it was the humans, us, that became absolute jerks. There's a trope for that called: Humans are the real monsters. The greed and evil bled to the land, making this evil metropolis/kingdom hybrid. Sort of reminds me of Black Lagoon in a sense.

Luigi is a master actor and I could imagine him having this epic monlogue ready to make people give up. Unfortunately, he also is not experienced with the act of killing, rather going for the hat in order to make his speech even deadlier, rather than just getting the gun to shoot this woman in the heart or the head. It would make their lives easier, but since Luigi is still trying to get the know-how on living like Mario, then it is justified.

the parents dying after giving birth to their children reminds me of salmon laying eggs-how they die after they lay their eggs and what not. Why is that possible? I mean, what could make people die after their children are born? It just doesn't make any sense at all. Hmm...

Either way, i am interested to see the woman with the strange mask. I also can't wait to read what else happens. Thank you for writing.

Ooh, now this wasn't a chapter that I was expecting. And I have to say, I really likes this little change in perspective that this chapter presented.

First off, I love the fact that you seem to be giving Wario a real, legitimate reason as to why he's trying to take down the two Mario brothers besides him being just a plain old big bad guy. Sure, he could have just as easily made that excuse to hunt them down up and told it to Mona to seem like a good guy, but I feel like he really does believe the brothers are up to no good. It really helps to shed a new light on one of the "bad guys" for this fic, and that's really an impressive thing to be able to do.

Mona and Ashley seem like interesting characters, mainly with their flip-flop of maturity levels with their apparent ages. I'm not sure if either of them will be all that important in the long run, but hey, Mona did a very nice job showing a different point of view already, so I call that a win for being useful...or something.

But yeah. It was a cool chapter, and I'm curious to see where you go from here, like if we go back to Mario and Luigi, stick with Wario, or go in a different direction. Guess I'll just have to read on, haha.

Well, Mario's luck is really bad. First he loses his princess, then he gets a castle blown up and gets burned horribly in the process, then he gets ambushed by Wario and barely gets out alive with the help of this mysterious Rosa girl who just led them to a spot where his brother was just poisoned. Oh, and he has no clues of where he should look for Peach. Yeah, I'd call that pretty bad.

I have to say, I was kind of disappointed at how easily Mario and his friends seemed to take care of Wario and his gang. I mean, they all just were injured in an explosion, and Mario and Daisy were both suffering from some varying degrees of serious burns and they had to lug a bunch of unconscious people back to town, yet they had very little trouble taking care of Wario's goons after they had a bit of help getting rid of thief guns. It just seemed sort of...unrealistic to me I guess.

So I'm taking it that these "Dragons" aren't really big old fire breathing fire lizard things after hearing about the way Luigi and Rosa were talking about them, but rather more like a family or group of strange-ish people? I mean, the pictures had them described more like demons, and Luigi even compared them to Peach, which got me wondering. Or maybe I'm reading too much into it, haha.

Rosa is certainly an interesting character. She just seemed to save their lives, despite the fact she had met them once briefly in the middle of the night, and as Mario pointed out, her fighting style doesn't quite add up with her story. Definitely another character to look out for in this fic.

Anywho, it was another very nice chapter, and I'm looking forward to seeing what happens to Luigi now that he's in trouble...again. Until next time!

Even though there is darkness, there is also light. Ernie is sacrificing so much in order for Mario and Luigi to save the day and that is quite admirable in and of itself. He has his own job at an auto repair shop-he doesn't need to get involved with whatever's happened to Peach. But this shows that there are Samaritans in the world and they don't need payments or rewards to prove that they are doing what's right.

The scene with the woman and Luigi was hilarious. The woman's language and Luigi's body language showed the awkwardness Luigi had when it came to outside society and the dark world ahead of him. It's going to be a bumpy ride and I hope Luigi keeps his head on straight and not fall into the cynisim that was placed here.

So Princess Daisy was also captured once? Interesting. I'd love to see the story behind that and how it releated to Princess Peach. And dragons? I'd like to know what happened there and how dragons became related to 1920's new york-esque Mushroom Kingdom.

thank you for writing.