I read this story back in April 2003, right before I started high school. I still have the fic printed out on paper when it was posted on a fan site called .com I'm happy to see it still on the net C:

Its so awesum get #7 up plzz i cant wait to read it

you must continue this story!

Alright, it is a little more coherent now. I still consider the forth chapter too jumpy, but before and after that shows some real promise. You've obviously put some thoght into these characters.

This chapter jumps around. A LOT. Honestly, half the time I'm not sure what's happening: Lyieta "escapes" and then she is there, And suddenly West Appears, and Kibito takes this "eternal leave" rather than try to bring Shin to his senses, and Gandalf is here and there and gone and back again and gone again...I am sorry but this is getting hard to read. You have good ideas, and your plot is intreiguing, but you need to put a little more depth into it-everything happens in, like, two seconds. Evil henchwomen/assassins-even when they DO randomly show up inside the palace, don't just switch from "Oh, I'm going to kill him" to "Oh, I'm in love with him so I can't kill him" to "Oh, I hate that other girl but I never thought to kill her even though she's in my way and that would be the obvious choice to an evil mind." Everyone comprehends everything within two paragraphs, and all the villains conviently relate their plans ALOUD (all the better to evesdrop on you with, my dear). Gandalf isn't even in the right universe! I love the greybeard just as much as anybody, but there is a time and a place for him, and this is really not it.

I suppose that this review has turned into a rant, and I could be jumping the gun here; after all, it is only the forth chapter. I'm really not trying to cut you down, as you do seem to be a compitent writer. I would, however, suggest some revision.

COOL! Very good! Hehe, West is soo funny and I get so hyper and thrilled when I read about the funny things she does to East.

Ow, headache, read fanfics all day, didn't get much sleep last night, and my right eye is aching like theirs no tomarrow . . . BUT THAT'S NOT GONNA STOP *ME*! MUAHAHAHAHA lol! P

Aw, a Nishi and Higashi fic. I couldn't ask for anything better. Although at the end of the second chapter this Lyieta person and Bibidi promise evil, I'm sure. A real shame too. I would like to see a story where the Kaioushin didn't die for once. Too late for me to do it, though.

WWWWWHHHHHYYYYY WWWWWWOOOONNNNTTTT YOOOOOUUUUU CCCCOOONNNNTTTTTIIINNNUUUEEE?

Hey this is a neat fanfic, Keep it up

Kawaii! It's been forever since you updated! Continue at all costs! Or asap!

Hi! Very good- dang! update it soon! I need to know what happens!

Ok, I'll be honest, the Lord of the Rings part is really bizarre. However, that is only my oppinion.

That cannot be good, being walked in on by another Kaio. Must read more...

Ah...who will Higashi get? Nishi or Lyieta?

I'm hopin' Nishi-sama! NI-SHI! NI-SHI!

-Rivka

Whoops, there it goes...yup. My brain stopped.