"Domestic moments" like this one are so nice to read about. Mass Effect is so action oriented, and you have a lot of great story-building scenes in the game, but there are a lot of gaps, too - places where events could be expounded on, periods of time that are left unremarked. Kasumi's dress is one of those things that could use a little background, and I think what you've done here (by working Thane into the mix, and giving more meaning behind the choker accessory) is very clever. It's something I can easily assimilate into my personal "canon."

I also like how you write Kasumi. She's one of the characters I'm least familiar with, so reading her is always a bit of a new experience. Lyss pointed out some REALLY great lines you used here, so I won't repeat them, but I will echo that your description of the station was very nice, and set the mood well. Describing how Thane and Kasumi looked out at the vista was an excellent way to highlight their personality traits without going into a ton of unnecessary detail.

I saw very few grammar mistakes - the only one that stuck out to me was this: "Kasumi with another spontaneous shock, one that was much bigger than before." Looks like a few words got cut on accident. Otherwise, your writing is very solid, and I expect your own improvements, combined with some useful betas (and how useful they are!) are the cause of that! Otherwise, I don't see anything to crit specifically. I will say that your descriptions have improved tremendously. Little details like Kasumi dancing the necklace on her fingers are GREAT. I'd watch out that you don't accidentally repeat yourself trying to make things too illustrative, however, especially when you're describing something in an expositional way. For instance, when Shepard is looking at herself in the mirror:

"She wasn't used to seeing herself as feminine, or even as sexy. All of those years with the Alliance in her tight fitting armor and military slacks had affected her perception of her own body. Throughout all of those years, she saw herself as masculine and muscular, and not at all attractive. It was strange then to see her body as the exact opposite after being content with her imagined imperfections for so long. At the same time, she was glad to see her beautiful human beauty in this way for the first time in ages."

There's nothing wrong with the passage - it's very nice, and I like how it gives us some insight into who Shepard is. Phrases like "beautiful human beauty" are a bit repetitive, though. I wonder if you could use this as an opportunity to describe just how Shepard looks - a specific part of her, or her examining a specific part of herself? Have her illustrate her surprise and pleasure by performing an action? You don't have to, of course, but it's something to think about.

I like how you end things by trailing off. It leaves much to the imagination, and I can imagine Kasumi chittering on to Shep about her expedition with Thane. You've revealed a lot about these characters in what amounts to a oneshot, which is a great talent to have! The detail you put into this shows, and I can tell by reading it that you put a good deal of thought into writing your sentences. This piece feels very intentional, which is a good thing. I enjoyed reading it - after reading a lot of other action-intense stories today, this fic felt like a detox, and left me feeling much more relaxed (as well as touched. Thane's reasoning behind the gift is heartwarming, but true to his romantic and somewhat selfish nature. Of course he'd want to be remembered.)

Thank you for sharing!

Awwwwww. Cute.

This is one of those fics I found difficult to read because the Shepard is so different from my own.

This fic inspired me to think of my own Shep's reaction to these things though.

I've got ideas.

This is so sweet with sad undertones! Everything seems so realistic. Great work :)

Awww a very romantic story!

oh wow

i love how you've set this up

your descriptive language is great

these two sentences right here:

"He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that the view hadn't changed at all after so many years. The view was the most powerful memory and vision he had of the Citadel.

Kasumi joined him and admired the view. This was also a familiar vista for her, although she was much more fascinated with what happened below than what was up above her."

fantastic

they are so great for character development, and so suited to thane and kasumi

great

""It's nothing like that. I just thought you had a good sense of fashion.""

asdjdhfd

omg

i love kasumi

the way you write her

so a

you are my favorite kasumi writer

you're so good at her personality

the other day i remember you saying that you didn't feel like you'd improved much, but you soooo have

your descriptions are excellent

i love the way you described the necklace

""No. Not at all. I'm not so unsure of myself as to believe that I'll die on this mission because of incompetence."

omg

so much thane awesomeness in that sentence

a

"Kasumi responded back with a nod and a simple Mmm. Her lips slowly widened into a smile when she saw Shepard's cheeks blush into different shades of red. She wanted to open her mouth to say something flattering or congratulatory, but instead she kept herself quiet and allowed herself to embrace the moment the same way Shepard had. She rested her head on the edge of the bed and continued to stare deeply into the mirror.

"Why did he get me this?" Shepard asked after a short period of silence.

"That's a good question." Kasumi answered back. "I had the most wonderful conversation with Thane a while back...""

aaaa

all of this

so so good

i loved this

it was so sad and sweet and amazing

keep writing!

Adorable! Thane is so sweet.

Nawwws! Though this was a tad saddening I was smiling by the end :)

Hooray! Glad you got this up for you SS! And it was a pleasure beta reading for you bored :3

This is so adorable, Mousse!

I love how you set the scenes and your Kasumi is so cute!

It is such an awesome story, I really adore your writing.

It was such a pleasure to beta for you! :)

EEE~! 3!

So lovely! So sincere~! So sweet!~ I love this! I especially love that you took that idea I prompted and made it your own! So, so lovely~!

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