I really liked your OC; her dialogue seemed a bit forced here and there, but she was really interesting and unique. It'd be nice if you had gone a bit more into Hikaru's feelings, but really he was very in character and I really like how you introduced him and Ayumi at the start.

Great one shot and characterisation )

~Mimi x

Yes! Finally! An Oc with major flaws! Ah! It's such a satisfying story! The cuteness, the angst, the romance. absoloute perfection! Great Job!