Your Oc is like a combo of Vergil from DC and Daredevil. Please continue this. I know you can finish this. Sure your writing could be improved but this fiction is great. I always wanted to read a fanfiction where the OC (or OCs) aren't branded as L'cie. Maybe for a future fanfiction you can make an OC that is immune in becoming a L'cie.

Its okay but please come back to it at soon as you can.

I love this story please continue.

update soon love it

i just found this story today and is very good

cool story

I just started reading the story and I think it is awesome!

I like the story, but there's a lot of grammar mistakes and general misspellings that you might want to fix. Maybe consider getting a beta reader to correct your grammar, but otherwise, the story is really well written and interesting. I just wish it was more readable.

Good luck and hope you keep updating!

~Godlybunny

P.S. I could beta for you, but I've never done it before. If you ever need one, my door's always open.

Great Story, its very well written and the pairing is way better then the usual Lightning pairings. Hope you update soon.

You certainly have a passion for writing. This comes through your story, your piece very well written. For anyone who hadn't played the game yet or just doesn't have a chance to, your retelling of the story with a twist is no doubt appreciated by them.

I admit I found the whole 'scene change' part of things a bit annoying and disruptive to the flow of things, but I understand it is a necessary evil especially when there are multiple things going on at the same time in different locations.

I encourage you to keep writing. It's a shame when authors just stop writing altogether and leave their stories forever incomplete.

I liked it.

Big fan of OC work and for a first XIII peice, well done.

Merry christmas to you as well!

Update soon!

YES! Good story, like how he can kick everyone their ass. Nice story, it has some nice potential from the stories i have read and believe me those were a lot.

Hope you update soon and i'll keep reviewing!

)

its l'cie.

But this has potential. And about the usual straight lightning pairing, its sick. Due to oh, I don't know, THE AGE DIFFERENCE? If it was 20 and 30, it would be somewhat screwed up, but if its a 14 and 21 kind, its wrong(pedophilia). Besides, she is more of a mother and mentor.