Hi there! I’m a mod from the RLt forums and am going to review your story because it was recommended for submission to our archives by one of your reviewers! For starters I should warn you I am fandom blind, but I don’t normally let it sway me as I try to focus on the mechanics of a person’s story and let the story just entertain me. That said, on with the review!

I know that the first rule of storytelling is always ‘show, don’t tell,’ but I think that here in this line: ((If there was one thing that the ghost of the assassin…)) that you give us a good reason for why telling works sometimes remarkably well. When utilized correctly, this immediately draws in the attention of the reader and makes them take notice of the statement being made. Really well done.

Okay, I’m a cyberpunk junkie and this line here: ((The sack of meat that the spirit had previously inhabited…)) really tickled my cyberpunk loving nerve. I love the flow of the body being seen as little more than a ‘sack’ that houses the components which houses the ‘spirit’ (or inner computer workings as they can be called). This really puts the bend in there about how the body is really nothing more than a supple and fragile mold that is poured over the working components of the physical form. The husk is literally a lump of clay, or a piece of ‘meat’ that can easily be destroyed and which shows the fragility of life in all its cold glory.

The inner character voice here: ((Goddamnit! That was his lucky cuirass!)) is really fabulous. I found myself giggling at the sudden manner in which the narration shifts and this obvious unspoken dialogue shimmers with a completely different thought, shifting away from the previously gruesome scene of the flayed piece of meat to something so absolutely opposite of that scene that you cannot help but laugh at it.

Really think that you inject us with a large dose of characterization when you give us these two lines of dialogue: (("Oh, great. Now I'll have to haunt him.")) / ((“I wouldn't haunt me if I were you.")). You show who Marcus is by how he is taking his sudden death (not how I’d personally take it, but hey, you never know, right?) and showcase Weller as being an unusual type who feels no real remorse for being the cause of Marcus’s death (self-defense or not), but at the same time he’s not cruel about it. In this sense Marcus comes across as being kind-of jerky (fandom blindness could be causing that opinion though) while Weller (the intended bad guy) comes off as being polite and likeable. In fact, you absolutely work out that Weller is some type of nice guy when you give us this description: ((mockingly gentle smile)). This so belies everything you set in the scene that it makes me sit there and take further notice and pay harder attention to what is going in.
That Weller also responds to the possibility of being haunted by Marcus through the issuing of a gauntlet sets the tone and premise for this piece I think, which is that one side is trying to get even with the other for having killed them (as I am seeing the story go so far) while the other is simply saying ‘you deserved it, let it go.’

Oh man, I was rolling with laughter with this line: ((t was true, then, that Weller rescued kittens. Marcus nearly sobbed. For shame!)). This was just perfect snark in my mind. You had me chuckling at another point with this line here: ((its trajectory and smash Weller in the nutsack.)). I don’t know if that’s what you are intending, but good job, because I’m greatly enjoying this read.
I think that this is a rather succulently stated line: ((“Soon as I'm strong enough to pick up boulders, I'm planning on dropping one on you.")). Short and sweet, soon as I can I am going to kill you. ‘Nuff said.

Weller with the line of the story: ((“You rock, but he rules, hahaha.")).

Love the nod to Mortal Kombat here: ((“Yeah! Who do you think you are? Sub-Zero?")). I also thought this entire sequence with Weller in the abandoned church was fantastic. The back and forth snark between Weller and the Ninjas just makes this so fun and engaging as a story. I almost find myself rooting for Weller, especially when he quips about how: ((“Must everything go through endless bureaucracy these days?”)). It’s almost as if you are making a social commentary with this statement and telling people that if they don’t fight against the BS that they can be destroyed by it. Again, could just be reaching there heh

Beautiful metaphor here: ((Rorschach test administered by Satan's therapist)).

Just a pointer(s):

((withing))—I think you meant within here?

In all, this was a fun, engaging, and lively read that had me in stitches quite often. Despite being a bit fandom blind I followed the line of the story and thought that you do a great job with progressing the characters throughout the piece. Really love how you don’t reveal who (or what) Weller is until the final scene and that Marcus basically signs his immortal death warrant by cracking some highly stereotypical Yo, Mama jokes. In all, great job!

Oh, I love this story, so hilarious. It’s just lovely, the ghost’s loathing of Conrad. What I mean is that it’s extremely well done! Because they are all so in character. Gwendal, Anissina and his kitten, oh I laughed, so perfect! “It was true, then, that Weller rescued kittens. Marcus nearly sobbed.” Poor Marcus. *lol* I love Conrad’s reaction to being haunted. The ninjas kinda surprised me for a moment… but yeah, his arm… This truly is a great parody!

Awesome! (the ninjas, jokes, everything) XD

I wonder if it is possible to get bearbee feces poisoning?

This story was so wrong, it was right. I loved it!

One of the best parodies I've ever read. Definitely deserves more reviews. You're really a great writer :)

This is brilliant! I couldn't stop laughing.

:D Breakfast with fanfics, great. Milk out of my nose, thank you very much.

Oh, and I want to own your Conrad. With both arms, preferably.

I have to say this is one of the funniest supernatural stories I've ever read. Thank you for sharing it.

Oh my gosh...this is demented in the most delicious way! Just the mental images alone will keep me snickering for the next hour...and the 'yo mama' insults were priceless, as was Conrad saving kitty chan...I swear, I love the way your mind works, this story was fabulous. LOVE it. :)

Cracktacular story! I laughed my way through most of this.

HUH?...? well, nice try. don't give up and continue.

I freaking loved this. Everything you write is so random, but that's why it's awesome~ xD

Loved the parody, and the little real-world allusions every now and again...

Conrad is pretty amazing. But I wonder how in the hell he killed a ghost? o_-

He has out awesome'd himself, I suppose.

Thanks for the fic!

This is, by far, the best fic ever written. Ever. In the history of life. And even before that. It is so awesome that Conrad himself could have written it. If he could only find his arm.