Nooooooo please continue why did you have to leave it on a cliffhanger thats just cruel please write the sequel soon

Um... I don't want to be mean, but the way you spelt the Chief of the Orders name is wrong. It's not Koumi, but 'KOMUI'! The 'u' is after the 'm'...

Hey there! So I hope you don't mind if I say, but I pretty much agree with what Midnight Enforcer said. Since you don't seem to know, Mary Sues are characters that are too perfect or are too powerful or somehow seem to pull new powers and abilities out of their rear ends as the plot demands (pardon my language). Of course, there are variations, but that's the basic gist of it. Don't worry though, it's not only you! I seldom see a non-Mary Sue OC in fanfics, which is why I usually don't read OC-fics. I'd say cut back on the powers/abilities and make it more believable. I mean, in you mind fainting every other chapter might be believable, but to many readers it gets really old really fast, and it starts to feel like a lazy way to transition from scene to scene (as someone who uses fainting every once in a while, I can tell you that that's pretty muchwhat it is).

Try writing more details, describing scenery, whatever you can. Don't be afraid to draw out scenes, and never shy away from writing a transition scene! If it requires you to describe what the backs of your eyelids look like, do it! Try a blindfold and describe with the other four senses. All are equally important, which is something many fanfiction writers don't realize, so you should emphasize sounds, smells, feelings, and even tastes. Make sure to use lots of interesting descriptive words, but don't go so far as to use words that people don't now.

Hope this helped! :)

LOL please update soon

nice visual details

once again

Nice

that was impressive, that was an event that i believe could have really happened if i didnt wach the story myself.

Keep it up

Nice chapter :) Wondermous ;D Update soon?

Please update soon!:)

This story sounds interesting... She seems to pass out nearly every chapter ;D Anyways! Wonderful story, love it :) Update somewhat soon?

Please update soon! And I find it odd that all of the Noah's just keep on disappearing as soon as they see Enkou or say "I'll come back for you later"...

Is that?

Could it be?

A.

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Mary Sue?

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Yup

-.-

Well, first off tone down your character a bit. She seems a bit too sueish, now even in the summary of the story it just screams sue to me. Spell check is your best friend if you have trouble with spelling and also the dictionary. Also, try not to overuse the "..." too much. You can use it but don't overkill it. Of course, since none of us are professional writers I can't exactly judge this myself. Just keep going and hopefully you'll improve! -;;; of course this is just my advice so you don't have to take it.

-Moment

You won't take constructive criticism, so don't post an Author's note to complain about it.

Okay. I'm done reading. 92 Percent, Insane Healing, 'Die!' for instant win..? No. Not how it works. This chick is a 100% Mary Sue. I suggest killing off some of her God-Like abilities. Its not a good way to start. END but not start.

As for the beginning, add more before the intro. There is no way to know whats going on.

The Earl is after her? Hes after everyone. Add more Intro to Chapter One.

Don't reply to this either, you complained last time.

Now take some constructive criticism this time.

Replys will be deleted withoutbeing read.