This is awesome omg I loved the part where Illa B-slapped Shin across the face! priceless and the threats were brutal but awesome haha plz update soon! and my idea to help you through the story is to have Illa and Mira fuse to make 2 fusions lol

it was a awesome story please make the next chapter

Your a good writer I like were the plot is headed but I think Illia is a bit Mary sue on a higher note please post a new chapter! Please!

This is an okay start, but someone brought up the fact that Namekians cannot bred like humans and saiyans you might want to look into that.

please continue

this is awesome!

This is a very good story i have some suggestions though

1 make up a list of power levels for your story it'd be very intersting to no mira and illas power levels

2 write more! this story is awesome!

3 mayby you should make Piccolo the one to Go Majin instead of Vegeta and Gohan has to fight his best friend and mentor so you could make it Super Saiyan Gohan vs Majin Piccolo except as a Majin Piccolos power is 6 times stronger

Plz update i want 2 knw wat happens

namekians can have kids they lay eggs

this is very good post more! i posted 2 reviews now you have 5 please post! this is great!

this is very good

hey, uh... Piccolo really can't have sons or daughters.

namekians are genderless. just sayin. makes for a good story, i agree, but...

I'd like to start off with a little dose of praise first; you write quite well, and you do a great job of mixing dialogue in with the literature, which is something that a surprisingly large number of people have a problem with. Your formatting is also just the way that it's supposed to be, apart from tabbing (and I'm unsure if ffnet takes out tabs. So, on these points, I commend you.

Now to the nitty-gritty. There are a couple of things I want you to take a look at and address:

1.) Illia.

As soon as you brought up Illia's powers, I winced. Sadly, Illia is severely afflicted by a case of the Mary-sue: She's more powerful than anyone else, she's got more potential, etc. To top it off, she's just a little kid, surpassing (with ease) the efforts other characters have spent their whole lives to achieve. She's even cocky to boot, making her very unlikeable. If you want to make her powerful, then ok, but she MUST have some flaws to temper her. You're going to want to reign it in, or she's going to be so out of control that she's going to completely overshadow everybody else and ruin the story.

2.)Logic Questions

I highly doubt that there could ever be a Half-namekian/ Half-Saiyan hybrid. Besides the fact that Namekians are generally considered asexual (and male for simplicity), it's likely that they have very different chromosome counts. And being half-namekian and half-saiyan, how on earth would they have those kinds of features? All saiyans have black hair. You might want to clarify these issues so readers will feel more comfortable with your characters.

You have the potential to write a very entertaining story here. If you fix it up by revising some of the characterizations and keep a lookout for the "mary-sue complex," I imagine that you'll do just fine.

Happy writing! :)

Texty Monster

Great story! update soon! Plz & thank u!