Love, no-love,
anti-love, fear, trust,
oh Lord, you do good work. . .
when will they scream,
when will love burst
out of their mouths
in despite of
the feeling each has,
oh I am not worthy of You,
kens, deeks, kens-deeks,
kensdeeks,
kennnsssideeeks

The Comic,
he gets brief applause.
The Wonder Woman,
she gets steel-strength.

What if she never
gave the Beretta back?
What if she gives it back
the wrong way,
without trust?

What if he never
figures out her heart,
not just her life,
the future of her life?

Body wisdom, brain wisdom, soul wisdom

I think these two are on their way to a wonderful romance. Well done writer.

there is a reason why i ship them

really good.

great story

Stupid website for cutting my review. :P

"... he releases his grasp on the hand he still holds.” She lets him! Awww. I love that. That’s the way it should be. And I love that observation of yours about his kiss being about more than primal desire. Because that’s so *it*. Last episode just proved how deep in he was, but I think that he’s always kinda wanted her more than just because she’s hot and sexy. Sure, there’s plenty of that, but the admiration he’s had in her since the very beginning speaks volumes as to the nature of his feelings, too.

-:-

“Whatever this happens to be, that is, because Kensi Blye refuses to admit that what she's doing is fantasizing about a coworker while at work. Or anywhere outside of work either, for that matter. She just refuses. It's not professional. And he's very annoying.

Very annoying.

Very attractive.” Hah! She wants and no, Kensi, you can’t stop it because with every passing day you want him more! How could you not ? She fantasizes about him in the shower, she said so in Dead Body Politic. And probably in that bubble bath, too! There seems to be an inevitable connection between Deeks and water! VERY ATTRACTIVE! Very fucking insanely damn hot, you mean, Kiki ?

“That's a lie and you know it.” That girl spends so much time lying to herself I wonder how she still knows who she is.

“She has to know what makes him tick. Underneath the playful, cocky exterior, beneath those crystal eyes that Kensi could easily lose herself in were she to let down her guard even just a bit…what exactly is it that drives him? What are the secrets he carries behind that carefree smirk?” Then surrender some of yours. You can’t take without giving. Now, are you ready for that ?

Aww, oh, after losing a partner, of course she knows what the lack of trust could lead it in the field. Poor Dom. And poor Kensi for dealing with his death all alone in the aftermath, with Nate gone, too… :/
Or maybe are there other parts of her story we don’t know, before Callen and Sam, before NCIS ? Other partners, other ghosts lurking around ?

“…what good was that if Deeks didn't trust her to have his back? What good was it if Deeks did something stupid in an effort to save himself because he didn't trust Kensi to take control of the situation?

He'd said it wasn't personal. But that's exactly what it is. And it hurts.” Wow. Worst is, she’s doing the
same to him, on another level. Treating him like just another person who’s gonna leave her someday because her dad and Jack did.

“She's comforted, though, by the fact that she's made at least a bit of progress with him. It's a very small comfort in the long run, but at least it's something. She knows the kind of relationship – or lack thereof, really – that Deeks has with his father. In the car just the other day, he'd finally revealed the story behind why he carries the gun he carries; why he doesn't want anyone else to touch it; why he doesn't trust anyone else to take it. It had saved his life, that Beretta, and it's clear that he places his trust in that. It's probably never done him wrong.

On the other hand, a partner can always shift allegiances, and Kensi realizes with a sickening jolt that in his years of undercover work for the LAPD, he's probably had a number to do just that.” Aww, poor baby. His years with LAPD, they’ve done him wrong, probably much more than what you’d expect when you think that the guy gave his everything to all his cases, to save people. In the end, everyone treats him like shit, like his father did.

“Closing her eyes, she thinks back yet again to the moment they'd shared in the car. It'd been a huge step for him; that much she'd realized then just from the gravity of his gaze. His eyes never parting from hers, he'd offered her his gun, willing to let her take a look. But something else had been in his eyes; something that had made her decline. Reluctance, she realizes now. Reluctance, wariness, guardedness. He'd offered it as something of an olive branch, but deep inside he'd been fearful of her accepting it.
The gesture had taken a lot, and Kensi can't deny that it was sweet. But did it really mean anything?”

This is genius. “Reluctance, wariness, guardedness.” Exactly this. And she finds him sweet for offering! Even though I kinda understand what she means there. Why did he do it, save for trying to make things up between them ? Sweet indeed, but… Yeah. You could clearly see he wasn’t really ready to. She’s not, either – and yet it bothers her. Because she knows exactly why she is the way she is, but him ? That’s what kills her. What happened to Deeks for him to be like that ? Like her ?

“So many questions with no answers – Marty Deeks is truly an enigma to her, she thinks. A puzzle for which she wants so desperately to find the missing pieces; a mystery that she wants to be the one to solve.

She wants him to trust her.

After all, she can admit freely - in her own mind, at least - that she would trust him with her life.” Love love love. And this feeling will only grow with Deliverance. Threes holding hands while staring at the opposite way, trying not to blush.

“Feeling her eyes upon him, Deeks glances up then. Crystal blue locks with the deep brown of her eyes, and Kensi can't stop the beat of her heart from quickening. The fluttery sensation in her chest dizzies her – or maybe that's the smile he sends her way. Half smile, half smirk, the kind that gives her the sneaking sensation he can see right into her soul. Her breath catches, and Kensi has to force herself to break that connection when all she wants to do is lose herself within it.” He got her under his spell. And I love that. How she can’t deny that her attraction to him will be her downfall because she wants him that bad. Loves his eyes and smile and smirk and grin this much.

“She rises abruptly from her chair at her desk...her desk that he'd propped himself against in the midst of their argument and unwittingly sparked her imagination with vivid images of him throwing everything to the floor and effortlessly setting her atop it – stop it, Blye! Now!” STOP IT ONLY TO MAKE IT REAL!

“Apparently, though, all the hopes and prayers in the world aren't enough, not this time. "Kensi?" he questions, and she feels the weight of his gaze on her as she pauses in the doorway. More than anything, she wants to meet his gaze…but no. She won't let herself. "Everything okay?"

She nods sharply. "I'm good. Just – just need some air, that's all."” Come on, Kens. Your prayers and hopes are all about him doing things to you, not about those things never happening. Silly girl. I love that she wants to look him in the eye but doesn’t do it because she knows she’d melt.

QUOTING UNTIL THE END BECAUSE THE ENTIRE ENDING PARAGRAPHS COULD HAVE BEEN THE SUMMARY.

“She tells herself it's only a matter of trust. That it's most certainly not because she wants him so badly she could scream *AND MAKE HER SCREAM HE WILL*; it's most certainly not because she's thinking about him when she should be concentrating on work. She tells herself she's bothered only because her partner wouldn't trust her to have his back in the midst of a firefight.

And then she realizes – it truly is a matter of trust…just not in the way she tries so desperately to convince herself.

She trusts him, alright. She might've been wary of him at first, but as her partner, she trusts his judgment. She trusts him.

She wants more than anything for him to trust her too. *Because she doesn’t want him to remain a work partner only. She wants him to trust her because that’s what friends do. Lovers. Partners-partners.*
But as her imagination once more accosts her with visions that he can never know she harbors *BUT OH GOD HE ALREADY DOES AND #SHARESIES*, she can't help but acknowledge that for all the trust she might have in him, Kensi suddenly can't trust herself. Her own imagination, her own heart, her own desires, her utter attraction to him…she's more likely to betray her own common sense and the rules that would keep them apart than she is to ever betray him.

It may be dangerous for him not to trust her, but the moment that he opens that door to her, the moment he finally places that trust in her is the moment that their relationship – partnership, she corrects herself again – becomes dangerous to her, because that gives her just one more reason to want him even more. *And she doesn’t need one more reason when she already has so many it’s obscene! But… She will have tons of more reasons through the years, because this guy, Kens ? You don’t just want him. You’re gonna fall for him, and the hard way. The only way when it comes to love.*

Then again, she thinks as her imagination begins to wander again down that same path, a path she knows she shouldn't let it take but can't find it in her to stop it, Kensi's always found danger more than just a bit enticing.”

I ADORE this last sentence. I simply adore it. Because it’s so her, and such a perfect ending to an overall perfect piece, too. I wish you could see how good this is. Because it really is a character-study, and an amazingly faithful one for that matter.

KUDOS. :D

As to try not to sound obnoxiously omniscient in my reviews, I’m not gonna re-read the piece one time and then highlight stuff and then work on da review! Nope, I shall do it as I read, even though there are always lines that stuck in my head that I do remember for every piece, including this one of course! Nonetheless, I shall review this with eyes wide open from excitement and awesomeness overload!

YES, there is awesomeness here, whether you see it or not! On with the show. :D

(And you know how much I love Bounty. Plaid and Hell and Fury and Kensi Marie Blye and Trust and Desk and Birthday and Proving your old man wrong and stuff. Tons of brilliant stuff in that episode, twice as many in this piece.)

Oooh, shivers and sexiness! Are you really surprised, Deeks ? Come on. It’s so obvious that she wants you. She was so impressed with your right hook in Hand-to-hand. :P

“Everything is a blur in her mind; one moment he was making some quip about hoping she wouldn't kill him in his sleep – a not so veiled allusion to his lack of trust in her – and the next moment her fingers were clutched in the front of his shirt and her mouth was fiercely attached to his, a kiss neither of them saw coming.” I SAW IT COMING. Since the very first second your eyes landed on each other. And you saw it, too. Don’t be hypocrites, it doesn’t suit any of you. You’ve been wanting each other real bad forever. I love that she sees his little barb as a proof of his lack of trust in here, though. It’s angsty and I love that. I love that it bothers her so much when really, she hasn’t given him that much proof of her own trust in him so far. It means she really wants this to work, or else she’d just put it aside, and focus on the job without trying to see behind the façade.

“Confusion mixed with desire, that's the message she gets from him, and Kensi makes a quick mental note of the tension in his body, tension he tries but fails to conceal. He's tense not because of the situation, but because of the darkness, the suddenness, his abrupt surrender of control to a woman he can't say for certain that he trusts.

Kensi will never admit it aloud, but that single fact right there drives her insane.”

It’s very like Kensi, to be angry and pissed and going to extremes when she’s not willing to give so much of herself either; she resents his lack of trust when she’s not so much better herself at showing her own, or actually allowing herself to trust in the first place. And I love that in a way, her first reaction is physical, extreme; kind of hypocritical, and even she must see it in her head, to think that the physical doesn’t require for her to show that trust she resents him for not showing.

“The attraction is palpable; she knows he feels it too. The devilish glances, the effortless banter, the witty innuendo…yeah, she knows he feels the attraction. He has too much fun with it not to feel it.” I really love the idea that so early between them she still acknowledges it, at least to herself; and more than that, that she wants to act on it and doesn’t understand how he could not. That’s not something Kensi Blye is used to, being told no. And I think it throws her more off balance than her “Don’t you trust me ?” let on. She tries to make it sound like it doesn’t hurt her, the idea that maybe she won’t win with her body this time.

“He blinks; confused, overwhelmed, and he'd be lying if he tried to say his heart wasn't pounding against the wall of his chest with desire. (…) And feel her he does as she deftly straddles him, her knees on either side of his hips, her lithe body melding against him. She smiles devilishly, feeling more than hearing the catch in his breath, the almost inaudible groan he gives as she experimentally rocks her hips against his. "Kens…" he murmurs, and not for the first or the last time she wishes for more light; wishes she could clearly see the crystal blue of his eyes as they darken with desire.” Mmmh, sexy times! But mostly, love that line about Kensi wanting to see his eyes. She’s just completely in love with them, right ? They can make her melt and swoon and tremble and quiver and gush and scream. And they’ve been able to do that, since the very beginning.

Oh oh, Sam and Callen catching them… You know that happens a lot in the future. :P

“For now though she lets all rational thought flow from her mind, allowing desire and lust and desperation to drive her. She wants this, wants him, and she's tired of ignoring it. And she knows she's not alone; she's seen those smoldering blue eyes of his linger on her just a moment too long, when he thinks she's not looking. He might not trust her too much, but he wants her just as much as she wants him.” Desire and lust and desperation. The perfection combination. Perfect choice of words to describe Kensi right now. And God, how he wants her too indeed. And yet, this trust thing still nagging, even when her body and mind are overwhelmed by her feelings and the heat. Kensi Kensi Kensi… how could you trust each other, when you’ve been thrust together without so much of a hello or a choice ? Forced on each other by Hetty, after all those ordeals, Dom, Traynor… Sam is right, you need to build the trust fast; but being angry with Deeks for something as futile as not letting you touch his gun – soon you’ll do more than touch the sword – that’s ridiculous. I actually always loved that fact in Bounty, how the trust conversation comes up about his gun – a simple object that yet saves their life every day. I found it interesting that Kensi would snap because he wouldn’t let her hold it or fire with it, as futile as it sounds.

Awww, she loves his hair, doesn’t she ?! So smooth and silky that it’s impossible not to run your fingers through it all damn day and night. “Threading her fingers in his unruly blonde hair, Kensi guides his mouth back to hers for a kiss that he's powerless to deny. Lips mesh together, tongues wage a silent battle for control, control that Deeks doesn't want to relinquish, least of all to her. Relinquishing control would be equivalent to placing his trust in her, and Kensi can sense that he's not quite ready to do either of those yet. By the end of the night, though…it'll be a different story.” Kensi Kensi Kensi…

“His steady hands grasp her hips, pulling her fully against him and Kensi doesn't resist. In the back of her mind, she hears the reprimands; hears them, but heeds them not. Right now, she doesn't care that she works with him and that because of that, they shouldn't be in this position at all. She doesn't care that they're currently on assignment and, if anything, should be working over the details for tomorrow with each other. What she does care about is the heat of his body against hers, the taste of his lips on hers, the feel of his hair between her fingers and damn it, this was going to happen eventually, she just knows it.” She wants him so bad, I love it! Sexy Deeks, mmmh! And she doesn’t care because she wants him and it was doomed to happen but it’s the sexiest doom ever!

Kensi Kensi Kensi. Denial and Hypocrisy are among your multiple middle names. “And that's his fault. His fault, for looking at her everyday as if he knows all of her secrets when he won't let her anywhere near any of his. His fault, for that little smirk of his that drives her imagination wild. His fault, for being in such close proximity to her all of the time that she can't help but feel him, sense him, smell him, want him. God, she wants him.

And that's most definitely his fault.” Of course. *cocks an eyebrow at Kensi in disbelief*

“As if to emphasize that, Kensi nips sharply at his lower lip, satisfied for a moment with the rough grunt of surprise he gives before swiping her tongue over it, soothing the flash of pain. She's playing rough; she knows that. Also knows that anything less frantic would give her – or him - time to reconsider this, and that's exactly what she doesn't want.” And you don’t want that, silly, because then you’d be forced to acknowledge the fact that you’re trying to hide behind that. Oh, Kensi. Aren’t you done with running away ? For someone so badass, you sure act like a coward sometimes.

“She falters slightly when suddenly the warmth of his palms, rough and masculine, find bare skin as they sneak just beneath the material of her shirt and settle on the smooth curves of her hips. Electricity floods her body and sets her every nerve alive and the sound that slips from her lips against his can only be described as a whimper because she's already envisioning those hands elsewhere and that's enough to have her shuddering against him.” Oh, you’re already oh so far gone, Kensi. There’s no going back. Accept your fate, and surrender. Because if just his hands on your hips do that to you, you should know that you’ve already lost this little game.

“For a moment, their foreheads touch and even in the midst of the desire and need surrounding them, the tenderness of the gesture isn't lost on either of them.” Love love love that. Just like I love that just before he gently grabs her wrists. She can play rough all she wants, that’s not enough – this isn’t gonna happen that way. Not now, or ever. That man is gonna love her the right way, whether she’s ready or not.

“The warmth of his breath plays upon her skin and Kensi shivers, slowly extricating one hand from his and drawing it upward to cup his cheek. "Trust me," she whispers, the words dancing sultrily across Deeks' parted lips. "Trust me."” And that image is just gorgeous.

“Heart pounding madly, she waits. Waits for him to give the okay; luckily, she doesn't have to wait long. The tiny distance between them becomes nothing as he tilts his head, capturing her lips in a kiss that speaks of far more than just primal desire. He wants this, wants her, wants to let her in despite whatever old instincts might tell him. And so she lets him lead for a moment, leaving the tempo of the kiss in his hands until he r

I like that I'm discovering all this amazing stories now, never though I haven't read this many of your stories, but It's kind of exciting to have a new story to read everyday. And each story I read, the more I think you're such a genius writer. Your stories all seem so fresh and new, and they address such important moments of their relationship/partnership, that it's great to be able to go back to the roots of their relationship and feel like it just happened. Ok, not sure I'm making much sense, today I'm not inspired, so you'll have to be happy with this crappy review (because I suck today, more than the other days).
First, Kensi daydreaming with Deeks was just amazingly hot! I kind of wished it was real, though I knew it wasn't because of the italics. But, Man, that was so hot! My favorite part was when they touched their foreheads, even if it was inside the fantasy. Was such a sweet tender moment between them, Kensi's almost pleading Deeks with a "trust me"... Was just wonderful!
But this story and the episode was all about trust. Kensi was so eager to have Deeks trust, because she couldn't handle the idea of him not trusting her the same way she could handle her fantasies about him. Obviously she trusts him already, and knowing how difficult it's for her to trust anyone, the idea of him not trusting her back is killing her. Because she not only wants him to trust her, but ultimately, she just wants him. And that's too much to process for Kensi's closed mind/heart.
Another masterpiece of yours, that's all I have to say. I'll be back tomorrow, with another, hopefully not so crappy, review ;)

I'm trying to think of a nice way to ask how in the hell you can DO this, how you start out with a scene reminiscent of both "A Place to Begin" and also "Stolen Moments" and make it feel fresh every single stinking time. Like, what even are you, lady? Other than unfairly talented and rather adept at showing us all how to do words properly. Seriously. Miriam and Webster are like, "STOP UPSTAGING US ALREADY."

I adore the juxtaposition with intimacy at play here. This is again set at a very early point in their relationship, and I think you bring up that beautiful question of if they should trust each other and WHY - which is as piercing and defining a question as there could possibly be - and then
counterbalance that with the fact that Kensi WANTS to know who and why and how he is, and in turn realizes that in putting herself out there, giving into her gut rather than the empirical evidence on which she so heavily relies, might strengthen her partnership but make her own person vulnerable. How genius is it that her partner might be her downfall? (And it again goes to show just how well you know and portray these characters, given that that's exactly what happens some twelve episodes later in "Personal."). I'm also insanely jealous that you can tell such a rich, textured, emotional story in 3100 words when I can't even say hello that quickly.

tl;dr Effie's blabbing again over Jess' perfection, don't forget to tip your waiters and drive home safely.

I wonder if Kensi's fantasies parallel my Deeks dreams.*snort*

I think it really would be a matter of trust. Though Kensi really isn't one to point fingers in that area, eh?
Course at this point we know she trusts Deeks with her life, most of her secrets, to have her back... But she's just not a trusting person.

Now we just wait for them to trust each other enough to surrender their hearts to one another. Eeeek!

Nice fantasy, btw. ;)

Okay, it's past midnight, so I'm an emotional wreck. That's pretty normal for me, no worries.

That, this, "And then she realizes – it truly is a matter of trust…just not in the way she tries so desperately to convince herself.

She trusts him, alright. She might've been wary of him at first, but as her partner, she trusts his judgment. She trusts him.

She wants more than anything for him to trust her too."

Well, this was like the thing that triggered it all for me.

Okay, nice fantasy. Deeks in a bed is always nice.

But those lines ?

How Kensi doesn't want to, but needs to...

That's what you do. You start from something that could be just some hot story, to something deep and pure and absolutely perfect, how she reflects on her and him and them and...

No words, again. You've stolen them all from my mouth and brain and fingers.

But, heh, I do not mind.

"because that gives her just one more reason to want him even more."

Maybe I should stop saying God, and go with Jess.

Wow, very HOT first half.

And very nicely written second half.

I do need to watch season 2 again because when I first watched it and even the first 12 or so episodes of season 3, although I really liked both Kensi and Deeks, I didn't ship them as a couple. So should rewatch to recall these moments. Like in this episode, I vaguely remember Deeks not liking Kensi touching his gun or something like that but can't remember details. You know how different it is when you watch a show where you are shipping a couple and you watch a show normally!

Always love your stories, please keep them coming :)

I really, really enjoyed reading this. :)