Hi,

I know this is ridiculous as I really enjoyed the story and plus it’s literally 10 years old but just in case another author reads the comments:

The description of Britain and British people in this chapter is completely and utterly wrong. Firstly, the geography:

London is nowhere near the coast. London is surrounded by the Home Counties, and they have coastlines, but it would take at least an hour (probably much longer) on a traffic-free day to get from the complete outskirts of London to anything resembling the coast. Also, the tube does not go that far by any means. I get that it is such a picky point to make but it really takes you out of the story if you know anything about British geography, and to be honest a quick check online would have revealed all of this.

Secondly British people aren’t really how you described them. It is true that some European nations are fairly open with strangers but Brits are renowned for our reserve, especially those from metropolitan areas. Some Londoners come across as plain rude even just to other Brits. However, there is also a lot of ‘live-and-let-live’ attitude here (in general) so this whole idea of being more wary doesn’t really work. We may people-watch and make judgements but the vast majority of people would never do anything.

Also, as both a note and a warning: any form of interaction with someone you don’t know on the tube is completely social illegal. Literally catching a stranger’s eye can be the most uncomfortable thing, so in the context of the story the fear is not believable and in the context of real life avoid doing this.

The whole London setting seems really arbitrary, but as basically a conclusion: Britain is very different to the US in specific ways. If you are not from Britain (and this probably goes for other countries as well) and decide to write something set there, please please please do your research. A lot of us are really sick of people from other countries thinking we’re just a small version of America.

Other than that, though, I really enjoyed the story.

Character death! That's not fair, u should have warned us about that in the description!
NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!

Oh my...this is very well written and you've done a good job of capturing the fear and intensity of the situation.
On to chapter two!

A tracking chip in his arm, brilliant idea as always Donnie. But poor Leo, Raph lost it and he paid the price for it. The guilt is going to really eat away at Raph over time, and serves him right for hurting his own brother.

Aww best ending!

Yes finally! I always thought it would be a good idea to have tracking chips in all the turtles because the shell cells get taken or lost so often! Genius, I love how Donny didn't tell anyone either he just did it lol

You have to continue but to be honest leo should of died he had way to much blood loss

Yeah mikey helped raph out the two fav turtles unite

You better be joking kill the others but not leo mikey and raph kill donnie if ur turtle blood thirsty but not the other or slash

Typical raph the first to break

Nooooo you can't just leave of there! I want to know more! Does Leo ever get the truth? How does Raphael recover? What about the rest of the family? And lissa... *sobs* how COULD you? Poor girl Im just so torn right now... *continues to sob* I want to know more about her, want to know her backstory, know Luke... Then BLAM she just DIES. Just your story was so well written and it really got to me. The beginning and such started out more humorous then slowly it got more tense and darker till I was on the edge of my seat. Like I kept thinking "oh god she's gonna kill splinter or NO I bet raph sacrifices himself for Leo NO." Like I said, really well frickin written. Now excuse me as I go search for a sequel that most probably isn't there...

I just had to review for the awesome song choice of "hero." Loveeee that song! :3 plus this story is just sooo good. You better not kill anyone though! 0.0

I have to admit, I really enjoyed the story, though I am not used to reading in present sentence structures. I cringed several times when I thought that either Leo or Raph would lose it, and my jaw actually dropped when Raph injured Leo with his sai

Agent Bishop is a bit of a genius nutcake, I'd say. Think he's probably more obsessed with the Turtles than Shredder. And that's saying a lot.

Ooh. Nice perspective choice.

Ah, man, she's dead. Well, duh, this is an angst-o-matic.

Simpler like that, of course, and possibly easier on her, since I have the feeling Bishop is miraculously immune to whistle-blowers reporting him for being a raging loony who tortures random sentients for fun and argues spectacularly inane things like 'they trick you into thinking they're intelligent.' And who spectacularly wastes government funds. And of course if she couldn't get him in trouble, she'd be in trouble.

...the characterization on Lissa and Bishop is severely amateurish. Especially Lissa, given with Bishop you are working within the limits and on the framework of the existing character. Generally speaking people have personal moral codes of some description via which to process ethical dilemmas, and priorities, and can hold onto a thought like 'my boss is seriously fucking insane' longer than the average goldfish. People whose work tends to bring them into crisis situations of various kinds tend to have especially explicit ones. This woman reads like she's breaking out of a heavy-duty cult that left large inexplicable gaps in its otherwise extreme conditioning process.

Of course, Bishop's canon agents probably behave like that. But her internal processing is more 'Mad Scientist's Beautiful Daughter' than 'SS Stricken By Doubt.' Through what kind of recruitment did she join the secret service, that her primary loyalties are to Agent Bishop and despite his blatant megalomania it /never previously occurred to her/ that his interests might diverge from those of the USA? I mean, most people consider their immediate superiors annoying self-involved human beings who live to torment them, even when they're sane and decent normals. What creepy brainwashing stuff are they putting in the...uh...the CIA water? What agency is Bishop even with?

...okay, that part is me taking cartoon world too seriously again. But Lissa's mind was foggy in a way that bespoke a lack of skill in handling minds. So meh. Getting harder to read.

And Bishop seriously doesn't have a single coherent reason to fuck with the gutter shinobi? How does he keep getting funding and manpower?

Heh. Hamato-sensei no musuko-tachi wa totemo tsuyoi da na.

I did very much like Raphael's reassuring Leo the way he did, and his frustration over Leo's magnanimity. And the use of Mikey's characteristic cowabunga made me grin. Talk about younin, it's like he doesn't know what the 'nin' character in ninja even is.

He may not. Do the guys speak Japanese?

I am so sleep-deprived right now.