Still not sure what this has to do with your summary. Also that's a sad ending!(though it IS horror, still)

Honestly, this story disappointed me. I was neutral when I went in, and then the opening really psyched me up. With a perfectly innocuous buildup, the story quickly grabs your attention. It also humanizes Azusa quite well, so that you really sympathize once everything goes to shit.

All the vagueness in the first half of the story really adds to the terror. You, like Azusa, have absolutely no clue what is going on. Who is the voice? What is with the room? Exactly what happened to Azusa? It's effectively creepy, and just allows the reader to be drawn in even more.

I'd say that it's roughly the part where they start torturing Azusa that everything starts to fall apart. The torture scenes are far less vividly described than the first half of the narrative, giving the story a very uneven feeling. In addition, it means that the story never really goes anywhere. I'm fine with vagueness in horror, but it's frustrating when you go into a story like this one, and then leave without any idea as to what you just read, or what it meant.

There are so many questions that are raised by that first half, and it feels like answers were sacrificed to the shrine of hypergore. Gore is fine by itself, but it should never be the substitute for some kind of resolution. In my opinion, it would have been better if you had committed to some kind of source of the horror by the end. Make it in her head, or make it something supernatural like you implied with the shrine.

But instead, you end up ending the story with a rather dull note. As opposed to an ending that makes everything seem relatively possible and actually help tie the events of the story together, we just get another somewhat creepy scene that is just as nonsensical as everything that preceded it.

Overall, the technical stuff is quite well done. Aside from the uneven descriptions, the story is quite well written; you have a quite effective ability to communicate through language, and show instead of tell. It's particularly effective when building suspense like you were here. Azusa and the others are perfectly in-character, which does make the torture scene a bit more creepy than it would otherwise be.

Overall, I liked the story, but it just felt like the plot hit a dead end when it could have gone somewhere interesting. Meh. Was still a good read.

Well that was creepy as all hell. Now, critiquing. I really liked the first part of this. Tomato in the mirror stories have always been a soft spot of mine, and the semi reverse of that (it's not you but EVERYTHING ELSE that is wrong) made my spine tingle. The whole torture bit...I'll admit, I didn't like it that much. Not to say it wasn't GOOD, as the imagining the girls acting like that, while still being relatively IN CHARACTER is a disturbing thought. So in summation I thought you were better at the suspense part than the horror...but that's just me.

Holy crap. XD I feel like I just got a brain warp or something. IT was creepy, that's for sure. But I dunno if it was all in her head or if it seriously happened. lol Nice job~

Inumaru12

A marvelous piece. The beginning at first seems slow, but for good reason as it gets stranger and the revelations come. So really having read thoroughly, my only nitpicking would be the level and type of detail put in after Asuza looses both eyes, as the experience slightly looses focus as her point of view and you take us outside her body it seems.

Other than that, very top notch shock value when it switches gears along with the great attention to detail, both brutal and subtle. Don’t worry about Tastychainsaws so much, but rather the delightful poison within your own mind.

An amazing story.

I cannot stress that enough.

Although I do not have a account on , I however am a regular. This story was probably by far the best K-ON! story I have read in a while. The way you move throughout the story is effortless, intriguing, and unique. I personally don't understand how you're not more popular. Great job man!

for the first half, I found it to be a great story, and was enjoying the tasteful suspense vibe that you had going with that developing setup of "wait a minute... something is not right here". Reminded me how I felt when they gave me Chlorazepam at the institution. Whether from experience or writing skill, you made me relate well back to the sense of being trapped, "friends" behaving suspicious, misplacing of memories (which really fucks one up) and those "interesting" conversations you have with the back of your own head.

So, contrary to Tasty below me, I was much rather groaning when the "let's beat up Azusa" -second part came in. I mean, I wasn't exactly expecting a deep existential condundrum ala "No Exit" or "Waiting for Godot", but after that masterful suspense of the first half, it was rather a letdown that the second part went by so anticlimatically. I've got nothing against guts and gore in general, so it's not about that, it's rather that compared to the first part the quality of descriptions was lessened and made me feel more detached, not as engaged (and my immersion gets thrown off because I think about how getting your eyes stabbed out can often cause cardiac arrest from stress and derangement/ego paralysis, not to mention the bloodloss and brain damage). I mean, of course write what you like anyway, but my expectations were highly raised from the good beginning and there was lotsa potential to expand more on the psychological/existential aspect of "trapped in a room (or a dream/mind, if you feel advanced)", or at least expand more on the supernatural aspect that you've mentioned with the shrine... but "just" having her get roughed up and left to rot felt like a bit, I don't know, "meh" and a cop-out to get a finish done. (If it's about "overt" horror, they could've at least also raped her, lol, instead of the rather lackluster stuff there). One could say it makes a point about the absurd and fatalism, but from my personal reading experience it didn't deliver on the promise of the earlier setup. I was reading along like "oh wow, the author is writing a really nice suspense setup, I like the vibe of being trapped/dreaming, he describes that good, I wonder for what interesting developments and ideas he'll use that scenario... oh, just Azusa getting fucked up and left alone, well, nevermind then." Of course, hey, there's not much use in me criticising that now, as the story is finished anyway and your next stuff will be different again. Just telling you my reading thoughts (as there's not much to criticise from a literary technical perspective, writing was good throughout. First part, again, was superb, the "action" scenes could be a bit more gripping, the last few paragraphs were really impactful again).

Of course, everyone that does something original and not-the-sameold in K-On etc gets an implicit bonus from me anyway, but even beyond that it's a good horror story on it's own. If you continue, from what I personally enjoyed (not that I matter anyway) you should expand more on the psychological (which you do really well), or either make your "action horror" more interesting (for example by having an actual sense of plot use behind the action scenes, which of course didn't fit too much into such a small fic yet). Keep it up, cheers!

Hey man, writing horror isn't a competition, nor is it my own game. I'm just glad to see some other people (you) following me in this endless journey into the morbid. I actually was planning on having Azusa's episode vaguely like this, but have her on the dealing end of death. All in all, this was a fucking thrill to read. In fandom full of terrible romantic one-shots, darkfics that are more silly than anything else, and cheesy self-inserts; a horror story with some amount of depth is like an oasis in a desert of substance-less garbage. Yeah, I'll admit it, I hate most of the other K-On! fanfics, but you my friend, you have delivered adequately.

While I knew Azusa was going to end up fucked, I actually cheered out loud when she got wrecked with a crowbar. I mean, literally cheered out loud, not just in my brain. The build up of the subtle changes worked wonderfully with the climax of the story; and I can really relate to Montgomery the Russian dwarf hamster. Back on topic, Azusa getting brutalized had me at the edge of my metaphoric seat (laptopfag here) the entire time.

Man, fucking kudos for this. Great story.