Very nicely done; love how you portrayed Lightning and Hope's relationship.

omg! i just love the way you wrote out their relationship. .

That was just... gorgeous. Really, I loved the perspective, which took full advantage of both his and her thoughts. So I'd say it was a very productive long evening, if all that description and feeling flowed out of it! Even the brief glances of the group dynamic were genuine and enjoyable. It's easy to see why haikomori picked your story - sad that I just now discovered the link.

- Hthar

Definitely one of the better things I've read on this website. I also like the fact that you didn't push their relationship into a corner; like most writers do. It's just like in the Final Fantasy game itself. They care for each other, a lot. But they're not pushing things between them. Everything can still happen in time.

I loved you're line about the lightning and the thunder. You're a genius!

Different than what you normally see but it was very well written.

This was very good. :) I enjoyed it evry much, especially the ending. Hope's so cute! :)

Have a great day!

Wow. Really good use of comparisons and perspectives. Spot on with character personalities and just plain delicious all around. Nice job! ;3

Well done, Seraphim, and thank you for your entry!

Now, for the hardest yet most fun part of this job.

I’m going to start off with grammar (which I’m sure Hai-chan has warned you about). There were a few minor mistakes, but honestly it wasn’t all that bad. It was just a few awkward words/phrasing, some problematic comma usage (or lack thereof), and that’s basically it. It’s just the most common issues in a minor degree.

Now, as for the actual writing itself, I was impressed. It was a very unique way to write this story, and I enjoyed it. However, it was a little confusing for me. The first time I read it, I didn’t quite understand that they were on their way to the battle until they were already fighting. But then, as I read it a second time through, I could see how you led up to it a little better.

Another thing, you never really mentioned the name (with the exception of Lightning near the end). And, though I was not confused, someone else might not quite understand it because they are not as educated in Final Fantasy XIII as you, Hai-chan, or I. But maybe that is not as big a deal, since it is, in fact, in the FF XIII section of the site. This is just a preference, though. Others may disagree with me, as did Hai-chan. So, as I already said, this is based solely on preference.

I was impressed with your transition between the two points of view. It was very good. I enjoyed reading what they thought of each other and what they thought of themselves. It really accentuated the feelings and relationship between the two, whether it be a relationship of love or friendship. The interaction at the end was very nice, VERY subtle words of endearment, whether it was meant to be or not. And I enjoyed it.

Also, I really enjoyed the beginning sentences. It lured me in, which is something I look for in most anything I read. The first few lines are crucial to a story; if it doesn’t capture the reader then, it most likely never will. But you accomplished just that, and I commend you for it!

Overall, it was a really good one-shot, especially with the limitations we put on it. I’m very impressed and proud that you entered this contest. Congratulations and keep on writing! :D

-Michi

Let me tell you how refreshing it was to read this! I don’t know why; I mean, Light and Hope romance is fun, but some friendship is somehow…nice. I don’t know. On to the story.

I really liked how well and smoothly you transitioned between Lightning and Hope’s POV. We get to see both sides, and the contradiction between the two is nice and provides a look at how the characters see themselves and each other. One of my favorites was when Lightning regretted abandoning Hope. In the game, after their relationship grew, I had almost wished we had more time for her to reflect and see her think on this, and seeing it here makes me feel warm inside. It shows her growth as a person.

Then the irony of the dagger. I mean, in the game you really have to wonder what Hope felt after all the information was thrown at him. I liked that you addressed it, it was good to see Hope doing some reflecting of his own, although I secretly wished you had expanded a bit on it, but I understand! A one-shot is a one-shot and I gave you a limit. But him thinking on the terrible thing he had almost done with the dagger, a gift from Lightning that had such a deep meaning, and showing his regret was, for lack of better words, well done.

But perhaps my favorite moment was when you had Hope compare Lightning to a storm. From the crack of thunder to Hope as he slings out the thundaga spells in his wicked sense of humor, the way it tells us of Lightning’s character leaves a nice impact. I think it was my favorite moments of the fic!

There were a few minor grammar mistakes (none really worth mentioning), and I think you forgot a bar between one of the switches in POV(somewhere between the flashy displays of concern sentence and Hope remembering the Garpa Whitewood, But correct me if I'm wrong). I say this because it can cause confusion in the readers, and you don’t want to distract them with anything other than the story. However, Michi is more grammar capable than I, so she may have more to say when she gets around to it. I’m more for the characterization.

Which was well done! I loved your Lightning. She was reflective and showed remorse for her old self, showed her insecurities when it came to love, and was elusive in her own way. Like near the end when she said she had to protect something. How very Lightning like to not mention who when Hope became confused.

All in all, I enjoyed it very much! If you want to talk more in depth about it, feel free to pm me! Oh! And thank you for the submission! *hugs*

Lovely piece :) The reflectiveness is very suitable to Lightning and Hope specifically. I especially love how the switching POVs reply and correspond to each other.

Looks like haikomori's contest will attract a lot of good writers. Good job!

Impressive.

This was...somehow a refreshing story. It differs slightly form Your Average HopeLight. I like the alternating POVs that lead the reader into the mindset of the story. The first half might be my favourite part (Not that I didn't love the second part, too!) Towards the end, I really liked the "Where Lightning goes, thunder follows" line. Overall good job! I don't know what the contest is about but good luck with that, too! :D

Beautiful, just beautiful! It captures their relationship perfectly, with both Lightning and Hope's regrets as well as their opinions of each other. Thank you very much for sharing!