I really liked it!

I liked your story and think that your next story should be what happens after this. You did a really good job. Cant wait for your next story.

nice story! i really loved it and how you included the songs and stuff! great work. 3

Who the hell is JLS? Anyway, cool story

Cool story! (:

Loved the lyrics you used in the second chapter of 'Be Mine' by Robyn.. I've never heard of the song before, but the lyrics are beautiful. Also, the choice of lyrics in chapter 3 was very appropriate too xDDD.

Good job :3

what going to happen next

sequel

Wow, this is... amazing, could be a word!

As songfics (most of them) tend to rely on the song, or the song describes them, you did pretty well on this! I like it!

So, question. Dan Phantom's the older Danny, right? :? Correct me if I'm wrong. ;)

please continue, this story is fantastic. it may be hard to keep up with the songs, but now i have a new song that i like.

-FLINX

Interesting

Songfics are, I believe, against the rules of this site.

Other than that, the entire fiction is centered, which makes it very awkward to read, and the dialogue is, more often than not, incorrectly formatted (but at least you started a new line for a new speaker; kudos for that).

As for the story itself, the prose is choppy (with a very, very, VERY rare few exceptions, most songfics are) and unoriginal. I'm not saying it's impossible to make a songfic work (I think I've seen it once in my life, and mind you, I read a lot of fanfiction), neither am I saying that it's impossible to take a song everyone and their dog wants to turn into a songfic and make something passably decent out of it. However, it's very, very difficult, and I'd advise you to simply write a story, and then mention perhaps that it was inspired by a song, not intersperse the lyrics within your work. It just makes it awkward to read, and the thing about pop songs is...they just don't work without the music, even if they might seem like they do. The power is in the rhythm and the beat and the voice and the emotion behind it...and then a little, teeny, eensy-weensy bit possibly from the lyrics (some songs more than others).

Nothing against Taylor Swift; I like the song too...I just wouldn't recommend relying on it to create your fiction.

With all due respect,

~Moonstar

wow i uselly dont like song fics but i loved this one u picked the perfect song!:)