This fanfic will always be my absolute favorite in all the universe. I first encountered this fic seven years ago after reading the original trilogy. Now I’m rereading the trilogy and I just had to come back to this fic after finishing The Novice. Every single chapter has me giggling to myself like an idiot. Even though it’s been forever since I last read this fic, I still sometimes think about the “look of polite puzzlement” line. No doubt, that one will stick with me for the rest of my life. It’s just too perfect. Comedic gold. The highest level of comedy attainable to mankind. I love this fic so much.

I was red reading BMT yesterday and when they visited the Dem in the mountain I honestly kept revering to him as Dem Laddie in my head and was confused when he didn't chase them out of his home hurling cats at them, that's when I remembered this story and spent all of this morning searching for it again

Hilarious!
Please please write a sequel!

"He suddenly realised that it would be fun to make the readers think that he and Tayend had just had sex, instead of talking for the last hour." Laughing so hard right now, I never saw that one coming XD

Dear Mayrie, even more accurate than your horoscope !
...What IS the meaning of life, by the way ?

"We'll just assure everyone we're doing research, and not each other. Who wouldn't believe that?" Well, all of your fangirls (namely, all of Elyne's female population), all of the lads in the country (half of the male population), the Thieves, because they know everything, Akkarin, because he knows even more than the Tieves, Sachakans, because nemmin can't grow in the wasteland, so they're not stupid, Vindo sailors, various courtiers from all over the Allied lands, Fergun, Rothen, because you're probably going to give it away at one point...

*sigh* you understand so well the basic needs of fangirls...

Whaaa- t ? Leave the birds alone, meany !

"I saw a pretty shiny gem, and I had to touch it; even though the sign beside it said not to." So cute ! I know it's not but I can't help feeling this is somehow innuendo-related... Am I cracking up from too much swords-talk ?

Yeah, the nemmin's the only thing to blame for your stupidity... Keep telling yourself that...

"your impetuous little pout every time your wine glass is empty..." Ah, those details ! x')

YES ! We found him ! The Guild's new SEX TEACHER FOR BOYS ! Tayend of Tremellin ! *cheers*

Ahah, Tay is sooo shamelessly taking advantage of the situation in any way he can... Well, I'm certainly relieved about Dan still being the oblivious blind and deaf blockhead he's been so far x)

I totally agree that it perfectly makes no sense at all, in the original book, for Dannyl to enter this well-sealed and dark cave without any precaution whatsoever... Yet we all excuse it for it brought such great consequences... Is no one but fangirls (and fanboys) reading this book ?

Akkarin's graffiti at the end just killed me ! I'm stil bent laughing x)

You were too careless, Dannyl ! Those are probably female spiders !

Is it... Could it be... No way... Dannyl is finally understanding something right ? Hell, what a shock !

"My brother fancies the pants off you." How classy, how classy - and how true ! x) I love how Dan almost fell for it, and then hastily found a non-sexual explanation...

I certainly don't feel hated, with such a cute couple to cheer on ! u

It's still unbelievable to see Dan actually knowing what Tay might do to him during the night... And arousing to think about what could have happened if Cery had been around, and willing to help Tayend pick a few locks...

And so... wait... "every OTHER lad in this story" ? Whaaaat ?

Feminazi Mayrie is awesome ! The world of fanfiction lacks potential lebians, and liberated women ! Go, girl !

Do you know where I can get a pin like that one ?

"Just pretend you're gay", uh ? Convenient, eh, Tay ? x) Well, let's at least be glad that Tayend and his botomless supplies of wine are here to make up for the Guild's terrible lack of proper sex lessons !

And finally some kind of action for Tay ! Go for it, boy !

Wine, more wine, even more wine... Just you get some into Dannyl's body, at last !

All this innuendo talk about swords is getting haphazardly confusing ! Damn !

So, basically, Tay knows more about the Guild's most important high magicians than Dan ? Well, if steamy affairs between Lorlen and Akkarin are involved, it makes perfect sense x)

And that is how the blood-thirsty Ichanis turned into depraved BDSM freaks... In my mind, anyway... (and probably in Tayend's)

P.S : You ARE completely crazy writing this, but it's precisely the reason why we love you and your parody's so great !

Oh Gosh, Bel "ring-my-bell" Bella must be sooooo disapointed " At least she's not the fashion police... But she sure is one for subtle flirting... - -" It could only take Dannyl's legendary thick-headedness to walk out of this party still being a virgin !

Tay's not very lucky either, is he... Swift moves and subtle clues won't do, he'll have to spell it out in full giant red neon letters...

" "He's really tall, wears purple robes, and usually has a look of polite puzzlement on his handsome face." A look of polite puzzlement crossed Dannyl's handsome face. "I didn't know there were other magicians at this party!" " I think this is my favorite line ever up until now... But since you keep getting better and better, I can't say for sure, can I ?

I'll wait patiently for Tayend's fantasy to come true at last, and when the day comes I'll be there, lurking in the shadows... I'll be there...

Uh oh, lots of troublesome trouble ahead... Poor Dan was not aware enough of the Elyne customs to think about matching his underwear with his robes, it seems... And some fascinating customs the Elynes have, indeed ! XD

"It was said she had slept with over half of the Elyne court. Which was impressive, seeing as the other half of the Elyne court were gay." Well, what an interesting life Elyne's courtiers live !

"We Elynes are taught not to breathe from a young age. It's the first thing that we learn at Style School." This. THIS is pure gold :')

Ooh, Dan's wicked and perverted desires come into daylight ! Cuddling with another man ! Don't you know cuddling is an evil deed, encouraged by Lucifer himself ? ; )

Velend is quite an emphasize of how elegant, refined, discreet and classy a man can be, isn't he ? - -"

Run, Dan, it's a traaaaap !

Ahaha, right, there are so much Dems, Bels, Lords and Ladys whose name we just instantly forget...

Hey, Dan isn't completely helpless after all, if he's starting to think about sex from this kind of expressions !
...Yeah, actually not. Sorry.

"Even more importantly, what will you wear ?" If Bel Gaga takes care of that, I'm as curious as Dannyl to see the result ! o Ô

Hair-washing is such a time-demanding activity...

Ooh, Tay sure knows how to please fangirls the laddy-way ! Nasty boy... Wild assumptions are so being made in my brain right now... *u*

And do I understant we finally have a chance to see Dannyl drunk ? At last !

I haven't read "The Magician's apprentice", but I do very well picture Dan combing and putting ribbons in Ronan's long and soft hair while giggling like a twelve-year-old girl...

"How can Tayend be a lad ? It makes absolutely no sense !" Yeah, Dan, thinking that a man who never slept with any woman, drools to death when he sees half-naked acrobats, and is often asked by other men to give them lap dances, is a lad is completely irrationnal...

Besides, Tay spying on Dan while he undresses and watching him take bathes is no joke, I'm sure.

It's a shame Kyralians are so conservative, if Ronan's plans had worked out, Imardin would now have a Gay Pride parade rivalling that of Lonmar !

And don't worry about long chapters : the longer they are, the drunker Dan and Tay can get !

Ah, more of Lord Dannyl's Ten Commandments ! I'll look for the seven remaining !

You got me worried, I almost thought for one brief moment that Dan could actually think properly ! Well, I was wondering what you'd do with that crucial part, and I'm not disappointed -u-

"ACROBATS !" acrobats everywhere ! Is it Christmas day already ? x)

"The magician pulled his most fearsome face, stood up to his full height and bared his teeth. The crowd fled in terror." It sounds so hillariously terrifying, if that makes any sense !

Tay's life sounds fun ! Especially Mayrie's wedding x)

...Six times ? Only ?

Aah, Vindo sailors... Strange people, but they just have different customs, you know ?

You really make the best of Dannyl's height too, don't you ? *chuckles*

Are those pirates as dense as our dear Dan ? No sea around Sachaka, buddies - -"

Aw, Tay's going mad... Who could blame him, really ? x) What the hell with that attitude, Dan ? "You insufferable, selfish, arrogant, irresistibly gorgeous man !" Yup, "Nightie night" was definitely the best answer to that... XD (Now that Tay's word start to get clear, Dan is going to develop hearing problems, of course...)

Getting jealous of sea leeches is probably sign of the worst state of frustration a human being can endure... Are you sure he'll be able to wait all the way until Armje ? o ô