This is very good hope you update soon!

This was realy good!:)

U gotta make a chapter with goku taking off his limiter

Luv the story u should make more

Oh man, where to begin...

To start with the technical things... grammar. Why do you have random commas, sentence fragments, tildes (you know, the "~" sign you keep abusing) aaaand semicolons? Your punctuation marks you use don't belong where you put them a majority of the time. Also you may want to go over what you're writing, because there was a lot of typos that actually detracted from the reading. Usually they're easy to skim over, but... :T

To get on with details... I think Kokoro (is that her name?) would be DEAD with the amount of... "juices" she excreted throughout this entire fic. If not dead, at least severely dehydrated. At least. I wouldn't think Goku would find a flooding cootch very "alluring" like you described. The last time I checked, females don't leak that much. If they do, then they have a SERIOUS medical problem that should be checked right away. Also... 10 inches is... really... really... not possible. At least, it's not common, and I seriously doubt Goku is that "well-endowed."

Overall, I have to say you need to study your lemons. / You REALLY want to write a lemon with your sel- OC and another character... please go do some research by reading other lemons and possibly watching porn, because seriously, the biggest thing that bugged me was the juice thing.

Lastly, if you're fine and dandy about splurting juices everywhere but can't write the word "penis" without having to bold and italicize "THING"... suck it up. It's a lemon, there's no room for backing off from things unless you're simply writing a lime.

Just fix the spelling/grammar errors, do a little research and clean up the details some, and you'll get a better lemon yet.

This is my first time reading somthing that's not yaoi, and this was pretty good I have to say.

O...OH MY GAWSH! THIS IS SO HOT! IT'S EXCELLENT!