Definitely interesting. Definitely needs work.

How you typed/formatted the story is insanely distracting, and it's really hard to follow. Author's notes in the middle flow off the rhythm you have going, and it's really not necessary. There are countless spelling/grammar/punctuation and this-doesn't-make-sense mistakes.

Overall, it seems like it'd be a great story but it needs a lot of help getting there.

If you haven't got a beta yet, I've done some work in the LOST fandom, and I'd be willing to lend a hand.

I liked this fic and the other very much, the other one because it was relaxed and made me laugh, and this one gives continuity and it's swee and on character, i love when we get protective Peter.

English is not my first language either and it's hard to write sometimes, but please do not feel bad about that, just check with your word corrector and a good dictionary while you get a beta.

Really good, are you going to make this a series? because that would be very cool. :)

Firstly, I'll beta if you like- I'm not in uni til October so I've not got much on atm

Secondly- don't put authors notes in the middle of a story, it disrupts the flow of it, and they work just as well at the start or the end.

As to the actual content, this looks like its going to be a fun fic. I liked their flirty Monopoly banter at the start and I enjoyed their reactions to each other when the light went out.

Anyway, let me know about the beta thing- you'll probably get a few offers anyway.