Beautiful, thank for sharing!

This is one of the story that make it hard to quote just some single lines because everything is just so perfect or to say what exactly I loved about it because just the general feeling of it is... just perfect and touching, the scenes planting themselves into my head.

"They tried hard not to tell each other the lie they told everyone else, the one they spent so much energy trying desperately to believe.

She tried not to tell the lie to Logan, because when they told it to each other, sometimes they really did believe it."

Oh, I totally love this, that the „Not like that“ has a different meaning to the inside than to the outside. Everybody else knows it's lie, a pretense... while with the both of them, with their insecurities, it's something they would believe if the other just said it often enough..

"And she would suffer for having forgotten why she kept them at a distance. They would suffer.

But his eyes were tired and worried and his hand was warm and heavy on her brow and she realised that she would take all the hurt and all the danger in all the world if it meant she could have this.

He knew what she was, he knew completely, and still he looked at her with only caring. Tended her as no one ever had in her short brutal life, with more than compassion, with that selfish selflessness she was coming to accept was called love."

And this, it's just so perfect and makes me melt and smile, my favorite part. That moment was pretty much perfect, but this makes it even more monumental, the caring... and my favorite in this favorite, Logan's „tired and worried and his hand was warm and heavy on her brow“, it just shows beautifully one human being reaching out for the other...

For some reason I like having this from Max's perspective, it emphasizes the overall feeling of vulnerability and daring newness.

"No, she was grateful because if he'd pulled it all off by himself, she wouldn't have allowed herself to go back to him. They would never have had this thing they had, not with him playing deadly handsome man to get what he needed and her playing tough apathy to keep everyone out."

Yeah, the old thing that it was the psychological changes, the changes in his attitude that allowed her to come back, not the physical ones...

"Physical stuff was just physical stuff. She didn't need a guy in her life for more than one night, it was as simple as that. When she was in her right mind, nothing much ever turned her crank and she figured she could go her whole life without touching any male if not for her wonderful genetics.

And then Logan happened to her like a taser to the gut. Her response was visceral, synapses she didn't know she had were firing so hard she'd wondered if he could see the sparks.

He was beautiful, but that wasn't it.

His presence- his heat, his smell, his movement- lit up her senses, but that wasn't it either."

Just love this, her tired resignation with „physical stuff“ as something disgusting, something she can't even imagine to enjoy or imagine being tied to emotions... until this wholy new category of physical reaction to Logan happens.

Thanks for this. Hope you have more DA fic in you...

This is lovely! I can’t put my finger on exactly what it is, but through each of these scenes, you’ve managed to give the story that overall feeling from the show that both Max and Logan were each only moments away from being discovered for their secret identities, and that their lives could come crashing down around them at any time. It was sometimes more obvious than others, but it’s something lacking in a lot of fic, that sense on the show that they were each on guard through every minute of the day. The feel of these scenes is much like the feel of the show, and makes me miss it all over again!

There are so many good things about these vignettes I’m sure to miss a few, but some of my favorite things:

LIE: I really like the thought that M & L actively avoided repeating “the lie” to each other, the big one, even though they seemed to work just as hard not to admit the truth to each other. Maybe even more, I like the idea of them each trying not to lie to the other about everything, all the little stuff and the big, but that they were just not able to avoid it. With each of them living such an enormous lie everyday about their true identities, I always had the sense that it must be a liberating, freeing relief that someone else knew their secret and they could be open about it. However, this implies that while that may be true, even so, living a life of lies must make lying expedient and so many times easier – when they’re too weak, too tired, too ready to give in to face and deal with the truth. Wow, yeah. That so fits the complex and complicated two of them.

LACERATION: I always thought that the scene during the backout, when Max has her seizure and lets Logan comfort her – *asks* Logan to stay – is *huge ,* and is the moment for both of them that they go from acquaintances to “meant-to-be.” I don’t remember any other fic even really making much of this scene, but I always assumed that this is the first time *ever* in her life outside of Manticore that Max has let anyone see her have a seizure. She has been trained to think that her being imperfect makes her so flawed that it would repulse anyone who knew. Yet when Logan isn’t repulsed, but offers her comfort and protection, that *has* to hit her, so deeply – you have reminded us of that moment and how important it was, and done so beautifully! I’m so glad someone else sees how big this realization is for Max. (Since it’s from her POV I don’t expound on Logan’s reaction – maybe you’ll do that one too some day! ;})

GRATITUDE: The whole scene here is wonderful. The thoughts you attribute here to Max fit so perfectly into the show’s scenes of her streaking across town to Fogle Towers.

“She knew what he meant to her, understood exactly where she would be without him, she did not need to fly across Seattle in the grip of an icy terror that he would take himself away from her to learn that. She felt a certainty she was being punished. For thinking of him as hers, for taking their glacial progress for granted, taking his strength for granted.” This is just wonderful, a Max-style, self-berating guilt for not doing more when she could have/should have, that leads to her hugging him in her fear and relief before her usual distance and self-protection kick back in.

“...he was her rock, the most stable thing in her entire world. ... but she never imagined he would break. She hadn't allowed the possibility to exist.” What a great summation of how she saw Logan – and a glimpse of why she allowed things to continue has they had, without her acting on them.

“a mighty soul and a frail body in violent conflict with each other” Lovely description of the complicated Logan Cale. :}

NECESSITY: “His presence in her life, his intervention had made her whole.” This is a nice gloss on the idea thrown out both on the show and in fic, that Max stayed because of guilt, but it then became more. Here, she recognizes that Logan has shown her a far more noble human attribute than she had ever seen before, and it adds to her intense feeling and need for him. Very cool.

KISS: “...there was a whole level of love and caring and needing way above everything she had ever felt. There was a whole part of Max she never knew existed that was only for Logan, that had been waiting for this moment.”

This whole section is so great – I’m partial to the idea that Max weighs her feelings for Logan in terms of her siblings. It’s perfect; as the only source of love and comfort and emotional bonds for her earliest years, and as her goal and virtual reason for living for her next ten years, her siblings are her touchstone for everything – yet in Logan she has found someone who surpasses those she would assume could not be surpassed.

You have here a variation to the theme you bring out in “Gratitude” – “ And when she thought she would never touch him again, she had needed to kiss him more than she needed to breathe.” Another moment when Max faces the very real possibility that she’s losing Logan and she is face to face with all they haven’t said and done, and now it’s too late. But in this section is a little lighter, maybe because it’s not his death that’s ahead, just their separation, and she allows herself to reflect all that he is:

“ He was beautiful, but that wasn't it.

“His presence- his heat, his smell, his movement- lit up her senses, but that wasn't it either.

“For some damn reason, her body had just known, long before her brain had the slightest inkling, that he was the key to everything she was missing.”

*That* is just wonderful!

Since you end with this scene, it makes me think of how great it would have been if she had simply held onto this feeling for Logan, and not let her protective hardwiring make her deny everything once she came back to Seattle, and he recovered, and they seemed to be set to get back to normal. ::sigh:: But the show let them come a bit closer with this, even within all the denials, even then, and gave us all tons more to write about!

I’m so glad you intend to stick around in DA – I wish there were more readers still here, and that more people would review this very, very deserving fic, but do know that it’s not your work that are keeping you from dozens of reviews here, but simply the numbers! Thanks so very much for this, and PLEASE come back with more soon! :}

This was a wonderful story, so well written. Love Max and Logan together.

Love this, so beautiful! Real review soon...

Oh oh oh! Magnificent!

Real review when I'm at a real computer but, just, OH!

And mega-thanks for it all-

This was beautifuly written! The way you describe Max's feelings really made me saw them that way, feel them...

'No, she was grateful because if he'd pulled it all off by himself, she wouldn't have allowed herself to go back to him.'

That's something that got me thinking for a while. All things considered, there would have been a big chance they hadn't met again if that bullet hadn't reached Logan. Sad, but it's in the end just the way destiny put them together in a unique way.

Would be amazing if you have the oportunity of writing something more about DA :)