Well, I'm just left blueballed. It's like the prom all over again.

I feel kind of embarrassed commenting on a ten year old fanfiction, but I recently just became old enough to actually read M-rated content. ' Anyway, I don't know if this will even be seen by you, or if you've long abandoned this fic and account, but I just wanted to let you know I thought it was actually very good. I liked the little details you put into this. I thought it was very interesting that Link was now working as a night guard to be able to afford things-it made me laugh because you referenced his needing to work for the Magic Armor (an in-game thing I can relate to having to work hard to earn money for), but you blended realism into it instead, and I think this works very well. It kind of adds a new level of characterization to it. Like, it's something from the game (saving up Rupees), but it's seen with a new realistic touch (needing an actual job). That was *very* cool, I liked it a lot. I also have to say that the technological advances appealed to me for the same reason. They have working showers in Hyrule now? That's so cool! I've read a lot of fics that tend to stay completely faithful to the source material, so seeing you bring out cool stuff like this just really impresses me. I would love to have seen more of your stories, because the way you've formatted this fits perfectly. Is it truly Hyrule? No, but it's a very unique perspective of it, and I love it. 3

As mentioned by some other users, the grammar could be a little tough. But I disagree that it breaks the story. The story is amazing. In terms of proofreading and editing, I feel it's perfectly alright to go back and reformat some of the spacing or sentences, and that the presentation could take this from being good to being perfect. But I also would reason that it's perfectly acceptable to leave it with typos or imperfect grammar. I really like this story, and if you ever asked, I would be happy to edit it for you to make it super crisp. :) But also, I am perfectly content with reading it even in its current state. I don't think it's bad at all.

I just wanted to say I'm thankful that you wrote this fic and left it up on this account. I like the ideas you included in it, I like the order of events and the progression. It's a one-shot, but it has a really solid plot, and very good work on the characters. I saw one review mention they were out of character, which I feel is kind of an unfair criticism on this since, uh, being a lemon it would literally be out of character no matter what-the characters in the game wouldn't realistically do this. Idk what that one guy was expecting. But even if they are "out of character", the characters you developed them as are something that I think is very easy to appreciate. Link's not a jerk, even if he's a little bit more -sassy- than usual. Midna's not a brat even if she -talks- all the time. They were developed quite nicely, especially in such a short little space. :)

I also wanted to say that I think your jokes are hilarious. Your A/N, first sentences, joke about tomato award competition, and the one parentheses comment all cracked me up, I literally busted out laughing when I read them.

Sorry for the long review. I don't know if you'll even see this, but if you do, I just want to say that I think your ideas are super cool, and I would love it if you could/would keep writing. Even if you wrote original works, I think your ideas and presentation are super neat, so I would love to read other things by you. If you see this, I hope you have a very good day. :)

you suck

W-wow... *nosebleed*

So.. first off I have to question if English is your first language.. your spelling isn't the greatest you mess up words and it rather detracts from my enjoyment of the story. Secondly you're getting characters wrong.. I mean.. Why would Link know how to kiss so well etc? I mean.. Unless he got it on With Ilia (In the official canon he hasn't ) Then he would still be a clumsy awkward virgin.. Not to mention she's hundreds of years OLDER Than he is.. so she's more likely to be experienced than him.

Overall rating... 6.55 out of 10 with recommendation to HEAVILY proofread before you post your next story. Good concept but needs work.

nice

Really good i hope there will be more

pleeeeeeeeeeeeease make a part two! i love this

You're quite a writer, bravo, encore!

I am having the support of the yaoi.

Great story though.

If only they went all the way... you bloody tease! I've been waiting for the action to build and, just when it would be awesome, it dies! I give you 8/10, and withhold the other two for doing this to me! ... actually, I take that back, this is really good, thank you!

WHY ON EARTH WOULD LINK STRIP IN FRONT OF A GIRL!?

i realy liked it. was there planes for more in the future?

Oh I support yaoi alright, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy some good old fashioned straight hentai ;)

Um... How can I put this to avoid misunderstanding? Personally, I thought this looked like it didn't make it past the rough draft stage. I don't mean to be a Grammar Nazi here, but you have run-ons, dangling modifiers, split infinitives, spelling errors, and unecessary details all over the place. I would suggest you to look over your work a little more. I don't know if this was your first time writing, and I think that this needs serious work, but this could very well be a powerful lemon to sort of "compete" with the other ones. Oh, and I'm not flaming on you, just giving feedback. No hurt feelings intended (I'm really sorry if I did). /