Excellent story - one of those rare ones that i regret starting late at night because I cant stop till i finish it. You potrayed Liv and El's relationship beautifully. The part with Olivia spiralling into the part of herself that is her mother was brilliant. Awesome job.

this was a good story

This must have been difficult emotionally to write as it was to read. You expressed the emotions well. I just want more Liv and El now that they are healing.

will this have any updates? I'd love to see it continue and see if there's an e/o relationship

Well, the good news is that you're no longer flipping character's points of view in the middle of a scene :) Still, though, you need a scene break. Either a solid line, or a symbol, or even some letters. Something that tells us the scene has shifted and we're now somewhere else.

At least to me, the dialog seems a bit off for the characters. While I can definitely see Elliot acting the way he was acting by slamming things around her desk and slamming his fists on Cragen's desk, I don't see him saying that dialog aloud. Internally perhaps, but not out loud. He's never really vocalized self-blame like that before. Or maybe it's just me :)

Overall, this isn't running too slow. You keep the plot going forward at a decent enough pace, though capturing Elliot was a little too soon for me. He really did nothing to benefit the search for her before he, too, was caught.

Telling is still overpowering showing, but I know that style is ingrained into this whole story, as this is already complete. I can only hope that you grasp the concept, and eventually shall decide to rewrite this. Or, perhaps that'll simply be applied to your future stories. Either way!

Things are just a little too out-of-character for my liking, but I wish you luck in all your future stories, and i'm glad people seemed to enjoy this story :) Keep writing!

~ Tinuel

Your Point of View is kinda all over the place. One moment we're in Elliot's POV, then it flips to Olivia's POV, then back to Elliot's POV. Then it's Olivia's POV, flips to her boyfriend for a single paragraph, and we're back to Liv. Basically? Super messy.

A point of view is more than being in first, second, or third person. It's about telling the story through ONE specific individual at a time. It's perfectly acceptable to switch POV to someone else, but you need a scene break to make this a smooth transition. The one point of view you really should NOT have delved into, however, was the point of view of her boyfriend, Dan. In a single sentence you revealed the whole plot. There is someone involved that wants Olivia, and Dan intends to hand her over to them. Well...that just killed the surprise and suspense. Don't TELL us that he's about to turn on her, show us.

That is one HUGE objective you need to reach for as a writer; learn to show us everything while telling us nothing. Elliot doesn't like Dan? Okay! Show us. Olivia is starting to have feelings for him? Okay! Show us. Dan is an aggressive creep who is about to turn on her? Sounds good! Show us. Don't tell us. Telling is lazy, and takes away from the deepness of a single moment. So for now, I would say this needs to be a big priority. The more you show, the less likely you are to flip-flop between points of view.

The plot seems interesting, which is why i'm reading. I look forward to reading further to see how it's handled. Once I do, i'll have another critique ready. As of right now, it's too soon to judge on how you're portraying the characters and carrying the plot. So expect another critique soon!

~Tinuel

I loved it Jen. U have an amazing gift to write these.

omg wtf

Great job on the story! I hope I get to read some more!

Ah-mazing! Loved it...

Awesome story. u should email dick wolf and tell him to make an episode lyk this.

I new to this also! I have 1 beta reader! Having problems finding another one! I liked the story and can not wait to read more!

Omg great story please write another one then. You are great, thanks for the story.

good story. i cant wait for a new one. r u ready for the new season. i sooo am.

Excellent first story!