auuu! sorry about that. i acidently clicked something and now it wont let me review. i clicked enter or something, and now i cant finish chp. 1 on chp. 1 reviw. i have to do it on 2...so then chp.2 will be on 3, and 3 on 4, and so fourth...so, i will have to read 2 chaptures in a day to catch up...sorry about that. ok now...well, like i sayed before, keep your chaptures shorter. and uh, (its so hard to review without the chapture write there to look at...sorry again if i miss anything) well, what i remeber is that i liked your conforsation with krillian. heh hes so cool. you never mention anything about the other z fighters or characters. did you do that for a reason? i guess i have to read to find out...but you may want to at least mention them. and tells us more about this character that wanst to become a sajian. is he really weak? strong? semi? whats his past like? how did he meet krillian? has he met any of the sajians? i'm very cureiouse about this guy. one of the reasons i keep reading. i want to know more about him. ok thats all i have time to do. i'll review some more when i have the time. for now, i must go. peace

~Skitso

Ok Im gona try realy really hard to give as much feedback as possible, but dont count on it if im not much help...ok its not that im complaining or anything, but you may want to shorten your chaptures a little bit. I dont know about other people, but i like it when i have shorter chaptures, but more of them. to me it gives me more of a feeling that i am reading a book type thing...yeah...anyways, who is mary? i got who she was and all, but how about telling the reader a kind of horizen view of what is comeing up. like when he is thinking to himself and resiting what he is going to wish for, maybe you should include her and explain a little bit about her.

Wow. I really liked this. Sorry if it took me a day or so to read the rest of this fic. I was sick yesterday, and didn't really feel like reading anything. I read a couple of your other fan fics when I have the chance, k? They are probably just as good as this one was. _'

Oh, wow. I love the description in this! I really do! _. But I think perhaps, if you have any thoughts in this part, that you could somehow destingush them from the rest of the fic. Like, put them in italics, or bold them, or put ** around them. Just a thought, .oO.

Kool, story liked the way how you used the wishes, as an alternative cause you couldnt wish her back. Great how you used krillin as a character.

I would give it 8-9.5/10

WOW. Period.

Again, wonderful wonderful!

And I like how you wrote Shenlong as a lawyer of sorts. Everyone was IC, good job! And the story with Hoshito and Sarah made me cry soooo hard...*sob*

I will be back, and Neko and I anxiously await reviews on our fics, if it's not too much trouble.

-Rivka

Again, wonderful job!

Going right on fav stories list!

And I laughed at the "Popo-playing-hostess" bit, you manage quite well to sneak in some humor in this seriousness.

the A/N- I think everyone here thinks they write better than Tori, even if they write absolute poo! LOL But you're seriously on par with the guy.

Chapter 4 Awaits!

-Rivka

Ohoho! Piicolo's going to train him! *G*

And it's spelled "camaraderie" for future reference. OK, so I get hung up on spelling, but, hey, you wanted a harsh review, and you're getting it! LOL

Again, very good description, I can feel what Hoshito feels.

On to Chapter 3!- Rivka

Very well writtten, except for "Saiyajinn"- it's spelled "Saiya-jin", there are no double "n"'s in Japanese at the end of a word. "-Jin" means people or race..."Saiya" is an anagram of "Yasai", the J word for vegetable. So it's "Vegetable People"! :)

And I too am used to harsh critiques, as I have taken many a creative writing class over the 20 years of my life. I did like the little details, such as the "head wax" LOL and Dr. Briefs squishing his cat *ROFL*. And the descritopn in this piece was very effective.

PS I'm a friend of Neko-chan's, that's where I heard of you from. I must say, you're a very talented writer!

-Rivka

Ah. Great premise, and I imagine it'd be any boy's dream to become a saiyan. And you definitely write 'all boy'. *grin* This was a nice break from all the romances I've been reading...

I'll email you with further feedback...

Wow! I am VERY impressed! Deffinately adding you to fave. authors list! You did Piccolo proud! I will most deffinately stick around for the next epic! PLease update soon! I have nothing but good things to say about this one! BRAVO!

nicely written. i like it. i am also 2 la-z 2 use capitals.