? woot the hell ?

wow is that really ignitus

Wow... I've been far too busy for far too long. :( I probably never will get the time to catch up on this.. :((

such a good story just one q does cynder attack spyro?

pm me

um lets see... in order

Great

no, and no

yes, they make sense. its always kind of interesting to have someone talk to themselves. the only unknown thing between them is what they're planning, but thats to be expected

i can't say that i miss them too much, but they did add an interesting section that was kind of fun to read...

she's alright, but the character devlopment seemed to lack a little bit. i'm not sure if it feels rused or just a little light, but a small something seems lacking. either way, what you have done is sufficient to understand her as a character.

and no, i didn't catch that... should i be woried?

speaking of catching things, i can't belive it took me this long to remember what the blood does... it was only a significant part of the last books...

oh well,

still a satisfying read, and i look forward to more,

tallonran

Pretty good but im confused but add me to ur fav athors i added u and nice story pm so i can understand better

I'm guessing Canicus is from Ignitus's imagination or something.

Oh boy, why do I think things are going to get much worse? And what problem has Ignitus gotten into? Too bad for Spyro. Oh well, I'll have to wait for next time. Good chapter.

A green moss-like plant had grown around the edges of the doorway during the temple's vacancy and had begun to creep down into the crack that separated the two doors. However, now the moss between the doors, and above their separating point, was broken. The door had been used.

I like how you used this as a clue for Spyro to figure out where to go.

"where is Cynder? She was-"

Where needs to be capitalized, it is the start of a new sentence.

She bounded up the hall but stopped abruptly once she reached them

Commas are needed between 'hall' and 'and' and also after the word 'them'.

"We have no idea whether he who fathered his egg is still alive."

This sentence is slightly confusing. Mayhap change the 'he' in it? Its just my personal opinion, change if you feel the need.

or his family does come back?"

The word if should be between the words 'or' and 'his' to make this sentence flow better.

"I know you'd like to speak, Spyro, but we don't have time for that now! Then again, time is exactly the problem." The Chronicler heaved a deep sigh.

Comma?

Flying was something Spyro had always loved doing, but hated when there was a destination. It seemed to take far too long to get there.

Nice wrap around to the beginning of the sentence. Look over this and your chapter and get back to me if you want me to work on the next chapter as well.

Lessthanthree,

Carissa

Member of ~Order of the Concritters~

'ello

I'm going to try out a newish reviewing style on you and mind telling me if it helps/is annoying? Thanks Cameron. Sorry for taking so long. So, I'll review to the first chapter, then about every three chapters, touching on points in the chapters in between.

Title/Summary:

The title is fine, grammatically correct. Summary is inviting and engaging. It draws the reader in, good job.

Story:

They had spoken little since their escape and both had give themselves over to rest upon their landing, or was it falling? He couldn't really remember.

Comma is needed between 'escape' and 'and'.

However, he had been thinking and his thoughts were mainly aimed toward Ignitus and Cynder.

Towards, not toward.

"Mostly about Ignitus. I realize that there was nothing I could or can do about it, but it happened…." Spyro stood and looked toward the sky,

Comma before ending quotes Love.

"It happened because it was for the better."

It was for the best, not for the better.

reversed what had already happened." Spyro said,

Commas still go before ending quotes.

a slight breeze beginning to blow across his body as he once again became part of his own time.

It would be began to blow, not beginning to blow. It sounds better.

He fell over. A blackness dominated his mind briefly before it was replaced by a faint blue light.

This should be one sentence, with a comma between 'over' and 'a'.

and one larger one in what he thought to be the center of the room.

Try 'a larger one' instead of 'one larger one'.

I hoped this helped and I'll be reviewing to other chapters throughout the day.

Lessthanthree,

Carissa

Member of ~Order of the Concritters~

just found this story and read it for 2 hours and i love it

Not bad at all. There are a few sentences that could use a slightly different wording, however, such as when you said 'Spyro's growing up'. If you had read through that properly or even read it aloud, you would have noted that it doesn't sound quite right, and you should perhaps have said 'his growing up'. Overall, pretty good; just watch out for those sentences that sound a bit awkward. :)

Well, you asked for it.

What? You think this is going to be a slam? You literaly asked me so let's go.

Let me start off and say you're very descrpitive. That's a good thing.

There really isn't much to the first chapter to discuss except for this sentence...

"He plan had ultimately succeeded; Ignitus had survived his excursion into the belt of fire, and would hopefully have an effect on the remainder Spyro's growing up."

First off it's "his"

Second, when did he figure it out Ignitus survived? Nobody told him.

Second chapter, more to discuss.

Again very descrpitive, good for you.

""Yes, young dragon I am. Or perhaps, I should call you son," Ignitus said."

Uhm...okay that came out of nowhere.

""This is why I am going to take that position. It's for Spyro's sake. He needs a father in his life and who better than I? Who else can teach him about the things he must learn? Are any of you able? No, you do not have the emotional ties to Spyro that I do.""

Harsh, very unlike Ignitus but...!

Oh my...

Moving on.

This is a very promising story, keep it up.

~Order of the Concritters~

i really liked this chapter and how Ignitus is talking to some suspicious character as his reflection in that pool. (btw i wont be on sffau for awhile. My computer crashed and i'm on moni's computer at the moment. Hers doesn't seem to want to load meebo on the sffau site.)

an emotional cynder, thats new. i liked this chapter, short and sweet. keep up the good work.