This seems like it could be a very interesting story. Keep going please.

I really like this. You write well and I'm intrigued by the possibilities here.

This was a pleasant surprise :D Very well written, but you probably knew that already. I do think, from what little interaction you've shown, that you've got Kaidan down generally. At the very least it makes sense for him to be a bit of neat freak. And I like your Shep, and I like that she's clearly frazzled - who wouldn't be after, you know, saving the galaxy and then being ripped totally out of one's element?

The only real critique I have is in handling Shep and Kaidan's relationship. I mean, it's right after Ilos, which is where everything came to a head, so everything's still very messy and unsure. I think you're on the right track with Shep not expecting Kaidan to be there with her, but I think Kaidan could probably use a bit more hesitation as well. He's not the world's most confident guy when it comes to women. For example, why did he just assume he could be in her prefab if it hadn't been discussed? What was his excuse for getting off at the same stop as the commander, etc. Was he emboldened by something in the immediate aftermath of the attack on the Citadel? And if so, why is Shep still surprised to see him?

A lot of people do the 'two week r&r' as sort of a dream like vacation where all the characters do is lie in bed together and avoid any sort of real conversation. I, for one, am all for that. That is fun. That is the stuff of awesome fluff. I'm not sure where you're headed, but let me just say this, you know what'd be even more interesting? Amidst all that wonderful R&R for the characters to actually try to figure each other out (beyond, "Hey, you're hot, and not annoying" and outside of a life and death/leader and worshipper scenario) and to try to figure out what they want for each other. They're professionals and they're also people who are (definitely in the case of Kaidan, probably depending on your Shep), not so good at maintaining personal relationships. So that could be interesting...the beginnings of a new romance between people who have to be realistic about things. I don't think we see that all that often in stories generally, nevermind fic. And I really only suggest that because the way you wrote your Shep...she seems like she might have quite a bit on her mind. And also because you sounded like you wanted a challenge :D

Of course, I will also be perfectly happy with just Kaidan/FemShep fluff.

In the spirit of constructive criticism, I have a couple of suggestions. I make these suggestions mostly because I can tell you'd like to have a few continuing points, and I really want to see where this goes. A bit of tenderness between Kaidan and Shep, just to prove that she really wants him there before she passes out from exhaustion, might be helpful and center the characters a bit. Allow the adrenaline junkie a bit of relief at seeing Kaidan after the surprise wears off, even if she nods off mid-reassurance. Also, maybe you could pad out those weeks with an investigation of Intai'sei (sp?) looking for mineral resources or whatever else Shepard can dream up to help keep her mind off whatever work was keeping her mind off before. There would maybe be some conflict between her need to escape and her desire to indulge in her new relationship. Also, all these weird ships keep coming by to sell her things in the game, maybe one of them has less than honorable intentions requiring a response that lets her kick butt without the weight of the galaxy on her shoulders for a change? Not my story and you're doing great, but maybe that will help with ideas.

That was very nice. I thought there was some good, well-written fluff there, but finding Ash's helmet at the end was a really good touch. Wow. Keep up the good work!

Fire I have to tell you, I really liked this story... I like how Shepard wasn't sure of what to do for her vacation and never even thought to talk to Kaidan because she thought she might interfere with his plans. I like the way Kaidan just decided he would come along because he knew she wouldn't ask her. I think it is interesting and I would like to come along for the ride an see where it leads you.

Thank You.

Good start. Waiting to see where it goes. Thanks.

My Shepard is constantly throwing me for a loop.

My advise is to just see where things go, how they develop, and like you said, you can always rewrite/tweak later.

It's a nice start though. :)

And, you can always ask someone to help beta/proof the chapter before you post. It helps me alot to be sure that I get character voices correct (or at least my interpretation of said character).