I totally get why u think the 1st chapter is lol. I really thought the dark eyed boy was Ian nawt Kurt.

Awesome story!

I wasn't really looking that closely at grammar, and anything that I noticed, I think Spring Sunrise or Cascading Falls already got.

Very, very interesting story. Will you continue it? It seems like it is crying out to be continued, unless you wanted it to end as a cliffhanger.

I love the plotline. Brilliant. Really, there needs to be more Kurt stories around here. I honestly, honestly believe that Kurt is WAY too good to be true. Something's rotten in Denmark.

Keep it up!

~bamboobuddy99~

It looks like you're just as good at writing serious fics as you are at writing hilarious ones. This story is very well-written, so far. The majority of typos/grammar mistakes were pointed out by Cascading Rainbows, but there's some more I want to add:

"Hello, Amy. You can come out now." Came the smooth, clear voice. Her hatred for this boy surged. She had given everything to him, and he had betrayed her. She crept out from behind the boxes and glared at the enemy. His dark eyes were no longer beautiful, they were cruel. As she stood up shakily, still glaring, the corner of his mouth turned up in a smile.

I think this is where most of the problems are. In addition to what Cascading Rainbows wrote, the comma in "His dark eyes were no longer beautiful, they were cruel" should be a semi-colon because it separates two phrases that could stand alone as complete sentences.

She scowled at him. How could this have happened? She had been tricked twice. She was weak. Her face faltered. She wanted to scream at him, to curse, to remind him of the heart he'd broken, but all she could manage was, "But... why?" He just smirked and pulled out his gun.

"Faltered" doesn't make a lot of sense in the context of "Her face faltered." Did you mean her face fell, or her voice faltered?

"Amy, I'm a Cahill," Kurt said, like it answered everything. The smirk still plastered on his face. He looked almost... smug. Amy knew that it would take a pretty disgusting person to feel smug about hurting someone. She spit at his feet. She would have spit at his face, but she didn't want to look at those eyes any more.

"She spit at his feet" is in present tense, and the rest of Amy's actions are in past tense. There's one more thing, but it's really the author's call. "The smirk still plastered on his face. He looked almost... smug." I think those two sentences should be combined as "The smirk still plastered on his face, he looked almost... smug." The way it is, I feel it sounds a bit... choppy? In my opinion, anyway. You could leave it the way it is.

Anyway, this story is very well-written, so far. It's too bad that it hasn't been updated, but inspiration only comes along when it feels like it, I guess.

PLEASE update soon. It's good so far, and I know your stories are almost always good, but I really don't see a plot yet. (And you're right, I don't really see how it's funny.)

wow plz updat!

Your detail and description is astounding, PBG (hey, look at me, I'm calling you by your actual name XD). I love how much you hate Kurt and how much Amy does too! You have so many reviews for just two chapters! Me is jealous. ;) But it's really good, honestly. The only thing I noticed was how short it was. But that's all.

Awesome job, PBG! Bacon is almost as amazing as you!

~Summer

Nice job, PBG. :DD

~

Some stuff:

"Soccerfield" is "soccer field".

"Redd" is "red."

"Hello, Amy. You can come out now." Came the smooth...

That's one of my pet peeves. It should be "Hello, Amy. You can come out now," came the smooth...

"...the corner of his mouth curved into a smile."

Should be: "...the corners of his mouth curved into a smile."

If you meant for it to be singular, then that's fine. I just see "corners" as more flowing.

~

Praise:

You are really good at suspense, aren't you? You keep the readers hanging on your every word.

The description in this is great. Just don't overdo it at times. You have a knack for painting a picture for the reader, and it's amazing how well you do it.

Ooh! Cliffhanger! I *knew* you loved suspense, or writing suspense-y cliffhangers. I've read this a while ago and had never reviewed, so I know who it is. BUT, it was surprising. Very surprising.

~

Overall: 9/10. You are a great author, but nobody's perfect. Just fix up your spelling/grammar errors, and you're all set. :D

Great job, PBG!

~Cheese and Bacon,

Joyce

AHAAHAHAAAHAHAHA

Kurt needs to die.

This is hilarious...

I thought it was going to be Isabell

Eh? PBG, is that you? There are LOTS of typos here, sorry to point out. There were missing quotations, grammatical errors, and the like. And . . . Amy was OOC.

Okay, fine, I'm being biased. I'm rather a Kurt/Amy fan now and an Ian/Amy hater, so . . . yeah. *waits for the angry mob with torches and pitchforkes*

But still, I think this story needs a good edit.

~~*Little Lobster*~~

wtf it was kurt?

didn't see that coming

you should have at least explained that it was ian...

it was ian rite?

Gah, I be wrong! Not Ian, but *dun nun nun NUUUUN* KURT! GASP!

I am trying to see how long I can use exclamation marks! Update soon! Please!

~LOP (!)

Update!

Its a really good story;

Yay! Shoutout! Yay! Shoutout! Yay! Hehe, I like shoutouts. Was that considered a shoutout? Oh, well. I liked this chapter. Now I just want to see what EVIL Kurt is going to do. Hey, you should update your story, Down With Kurt. I like it too. :D Now, go write, PBG!

Yay! Shoutout! Go write! Woot! :)